Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The things that fall

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Knock knock;
Once upon a time, a peaceful day bright blue skies
A poem lovely as a tree, clinging the warmth upon the ties
Shivering birds beneath the eaves, leaps laughing the quite hill
2 a.m of sleepless nights, dance beneath the stars
I discovered constellations I have yet to find
" the plant that never blooms, but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers."
Things that fall: petals, snowflakes, sparks, shadows

Tick tock;
The blue gone grey, past the glow of your lamp
Day is cold, dark, and dreary; it rains and the wind is never weary
Rain falls a few drops, sliding down your window
To the wet soil it sinks in, let the thunder overtakes
Burst out in a heavy storm, against the glass
The moon split in half and the stars crumbled
"I'm just bones and questions and leave me for something solid."
Things that fall: stars, eyelids, teardrops, snowflakes

Stop stop;
Dark days have been told, stumbling upon a holy clock
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining
The time has come, for I built the walls around
Though it carved, into my veins
I draw the line of determination of desperation
"...straightforwardly, without complexities or pride."
Poems are made by fools like me, in some days that must be dark and dreary
And all the things that fall: are the things that fall towards gravity, 
and I.

[15.03.17, 4.11 p.m]

Monday, March 13, 2017

Do you not understand?

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I am drained. Mentally.
No one would understand the struggle and the pain I have kept all alone. I just want to get out of this place as soon as possible. You can play the victim as you like. But you would never get the chance to convince me. I am tired but I keep the social norm. I could get real deep but inauthenticity is never tolerable. It's perfectly imperfectly sound and reasonable. For every principal that I have, there's a reason behind it. People just aren't ready or their standards are just way too low. Too shallow. Do you not understand? Is it too hard for you to discover? Or are you just too stupid to realize? That's a shame, buddy. You'd better keep yourself shut. Sorry, but you are very welcome to leave.

Tuesday, March 07, 2017

"Hey Boo," she said

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August 1989

The wind blew in a circular motion forming an acceleration of a thin whistle. Just in the right speed. The clouds stayed in its place, always out of my reach. The sun photons always consistent emitted its ray out of the space from day to day. Reaching the small holes of the clouds through the white-cast of enchanting sparks. The moon, on its turn to play hide and seek, it exists but unseen. The stars too, I mean the other star farther than the sun, they were hiding between invisible-cloak like skies.

"Hey Boo," She said, stretching her hand out of her pocket and took out an opened can of tuna. Two tuna to be precise, each for two cats standing before her. The cats made their way to the can and licked the flesh hesitantly. One lick, two licks... three licks. Until they are sure enough it doesn't contain anything that would have killed them in seconds. 

"Eat well, Boo,"  Their small ears reached the ground, itchy maybe? They ate it all in less that two minutes, the young girl chuckled, "I should have brought you two cans, eh, or three? But that's enough for today my friends, I'll bring you more tomorrow." she caressed their soft furs, a combination of a brown, white, and black dotted whatever pattern. She played with them a few minutes before she stood up and left. The cats were following her, although she told them to stop. Well, they did stop, but followed her again, rubbed their puffy cheeks on each of her legs. Begging and acting cute, don't want her to leave the place. Just like me.

I was observing her since the 5th day, two weeks after I caught her glance. I am scary, no, I am just... observing. I still remember how she looked that day, looking innocent and always put the smile on her face. A smile that anyone would die for, well at least for me. She always looks happy, wherever she is, around her friends or even with the cats. I don't think she ever realized that. I wonder if she ever been sad, though.

She looks as if she has all the angels cheering up for her when time gets rough or things get harsh. My life too, but she is 93% percent of stardust, heaven-made human. Earth is too tough for her. Even being a guy like me, the earth is still too tough. I don't even think she is made for this world, perhaps she was brought to a wrong place?

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Oh anyway, 'the story series' POV always changed from time to time, that's why you might be confused. Whose POV? Your guess. Have fun figuring out which:))) lol

Sunday, March 05, 2017

De ce terrible paysage, tel que jamais mortel n'en vit...

"Quand on veut une chose, tout l'Univers conspire à nous permettre de réaliser notre rêve." -Paulo Coelho
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Sometimes I am not even sure if I have chosen the right path, nor do I know if I have made a wrong decision or if it's just because I am worried about everything...basically presque tout. Just looking at my timelines, all those possibilities, and chances ahead make me dread the future so much. I always feel like I have done nothing sufficient enough. I know what I want in life and how to achieve it. I have my faith and I am so well aware that every single thing in life happens in the right time and the right place. But insecurity never leave its place and haunts me in the dark to find its light. I don't want to look back and regretting what I have done today, yet I still am doing nothing ever good enough. Nevermind, I shall study though...

Wednesday, March 01, 2017


I stood amid the roar; upon the flames
Opened the door in answer to a knock
Souls went deep in visions of lone acre enchantments
I found you by the eyes within the approaching dark
The brains denied, nul besoin de paroles
I stepped aside but there is nowhere to go
Nonetheless I have found my home
I am no coming back
Et ex mente tota; semper fidelis.

[1.03.2017 - f.a]

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Unboxing Packages !!

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"And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.' "
-Quran Ibrahim:7

Last month, I was super duper happy because a lot of packages came in the mail!! (It was a very good thing to begin new year, 2017 is my year kkk) Well, too bad I didn't take a picture because I was so hyped about it and didn't even think to make it as a blog post, well no one cares though. What I did everyday was waiting for my packages to come. I woke up thinking about where my packages are now, eating thinking about my babies flying in the aircraft on their way to their momma here. You know, I always love the feeling of receiving mails and stuffs since I have been snailmaling and sent postcards. Like you know.. that happy unexplainable feeling when you open the package and wondering what's inside (though you knew anyway), that is the best feeling ever. I think I am going to start snailmailing again after all these hectic days of exam pass. (Well I was running out of money because hella this hobby requires so much money, time, and creativity) Well, exams. This too shall pass. Screw you:(

I ordered a few stuffs (including 7 books and etc!!) and received a gift from Zenius. Alhamdulillah, I am one of the lucky Zenius user I guess. So many blessings.  Nonetheless, the book from Zenius is supeeer aesthetic and it really does satisfy my needs and thirst for astronomy. Thank you so muchhhh Zenius! Oh... and I am loving the tutor signsss, I sticked it on the wall to keep me reminded lol. Zenius tutors are the best teachers I've ever known. I will never forget them forever in my life. Oh so cliché but nevermind, I mean it. (Please refer to this blog post if you haven't read the article, here)
truth be told, everyone. we are all doomed.

"May the force will always be with you"
 - Love, Wilo
"Dare to question everything! And the light will shine upon you... Enjoy the ride ♥" - Sabda
"Keep exploring the world. Remember, not all who wander are lost. May you have a great journey." = Fanny Rofalina
"Thank you for believing in us!!" - Zenius  (Thank you for errrrthing!!)
Now, tell me how can I unlove Zenius if they had given me so much?

I also ordered a book from South Korea (ofc south not north u stupid) since the beginning of January too. However, I didn't get any notification after two weeks or so nor didn't get a hint of whether my books will be shipped or it gets lost somewhere. Finally I got a notification about the shipping process after waiting for a few weeks, meh. Well, at least it got here safely now! I've only read 1/3 part of the book so far since I am so lazy and so on, but this book shall finish before April. Why? Ya because why not lol kbye.

thank you Ahimsa Wardah! I love dinosaurs
열심히 공부해요!
I didn't manage to take and post every picture, but yeah, I think I am just going to post pictures of books. Lololol. Oh and mashaallah I almost forgotten... alhamdulillah, I would like to express my gratitude for the gifts and surprise on my birthday last year ^3^ I couldn't ask for anything better than your company and support throughout the year! Thank you for everyone who always be there for me, make me laugh from day to night, create wonderful moments, and teach me the meaning of this world, about our existence and purpose. Oh, and you. Thanks to you too, ehehe I mean all of you, and you though. Your existence is enough as a blessing for me. (Aw I am so sweet lmao) May Allah blesses you guys with happiness and success in the dunya and the hereafter. Mashaallah how ungrateful I have been these days... astaghfirullah.

"Being envious and jealous of others will rot your heart, 
ask Allah to increase His blessings upon them and you'll see your heart blossoms." - Saad Taslem

The Tale

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pride and prejudice
And maybe it was more than that. Maybe it was actually an instant agreement between two young unspoken minds demanded to be understood by each other without ever saying it straightly. Selfish? I don't think so. "I have so much that I want to say to you, but I just don't know how to form it into words." Peter broke the silence between them.

I love you as certain dark things 
are to be loved, 
in secret, 
between the shadow and the soul.

Ursula gritted her teeth, fidgeting as she looked away, "Then, I don't have the right to ask you since it would cross our boundaries." Well, sometimes I hope you can just say whatever you want to say. The ears are not only to hear what we want to hear, sometimes it has to hear the things we don't want to hear. Just because we didn't say certain things, doesn't mean you we don't feel them.

Thinking of it as a nonchalant act but it was way harder to know when and how it began. Even though both of them knew it never began. Worries dwell, the hearts swell. The old fellows parted away from each other amicably as their souls intertwined in despair.

Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction.

Sunday, February 05, 2017

Déjà vu

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There were times 
when everything felt so unsure 
and the other time it felt so certain
I didn't know 
how everything felt close 
yet distant– 
whether it was a real beginning 
or more as though remembering 
some sort of Déjà vu

I believed and didn't believe
because not all paths join
We know too well
that a situation
could change one's mind
every whisper 
brings me closer 
to a long list 
of impossible conclusions

Sometimes I thought
as if I have given so much
to things that
weren't worth 
my time, 
who am I to blame?