Sunday, December 30, 2012

Hatred is Madness of the Heart ~ Lord Byron


You know, every new post I always start with "Hey!" "Hello!" "I miss this blog blah blah blah.." and act like oh-I-miss-this-blog-so-much , but right now I don't feel like to use that strange-awkward-creepy-happy voice, I mean just for now and maybe some other day. Although God gave me a lot of valuable moments, chances, and surprises this month, I also face a lot of problems (not much, i'm just exaggerating) which a lot of people don't know. They don't know much about me, they just pretend. It's not a big probs, it's just me which makes it bigger, don't you ever do that too? So that everyone would keep watching on you, and they say nice words for you such as "are you okay?" "tell me, maybe I can help you." "it's okay, (your name)..." "It's not your fault, it's......" "I don't mean to bother you, but, would you like to tell me what's happening?" "God always beside you, don't worry." and so on. It doesn't mean I dislike those words which most of them are a lie, a fake attention  pure-hearted attention. I hope you don't misunderstanding, those words are nice and makes me feeling better, I mean "thanks for your (I hope it's not fake) attention". Please be honest, have you ever give true attention you gave to your friends which in heart-breaking moments? I bet yes, me too. But, have you ever give a fake attention just because you want to be look nicer. K, it's actually a confession. Sometimes.

I am getting closer with some people recently and I realized something that you might have realized much time before me. As examples; have you ever feel nervous and you think someone will do better than you? Imagine you are in a concert, you were soooo nervous but when you see another participant it was like oh yeah they are good. Yeah so-so. (This is what I feel) but when my turn... I can't do this, kill me now. How if I make a mistakes and people will bla-bla-bla... They're good and I'm not. But in another side, I want to show my skill, I know I'm good enough, I know I can do that, I just want to make them proud. Always.  I told my friends how I felt (also a participant), I told them how I want to end this as fast as I can and just go home, prayed bad things so the concert will be canceled. Guess what my friend did? She told me she was as nervous as me, she thinks she can't do that(even I think she's the best, and I know she knows it) and I was like DUDE, LOOK AT YOURSELF. YOU ARE AMAZING, STOP COMPLAINING, I KNOW I'M NOT EVEN BETTER THAN YOU. I just want to be the last participant. But being the last is worse, it was like the only person who waits in the station at the midnight alone(horror movies). But in the end, we have to do it whatever happen. I'm remembering my experiences, mix it. I remember a lot of quote say : you are depends on what you think. So I start think deeply, find out what the actual meaning of that quote. I use my brain because I didn't found it on google, ouch. I don't know the real meaning but...I think we are what they think about me, it same like they are depends on what we think. I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN WHAT I WANT TO SAY. Just if you know what I mean.

I really want to share the story in detail, but I can't because I think it's too private and hurt others. I just hate it...I hate it so much when my anger turns into tears. I feel weak. A small anger starts from mood, bad mood destroys everything, and you know why girls get badmood easily...yeah. Before you judge me because someone judge me, I don't  want you think if I never judge someone who might have judge someone. Complicated. Hell-yeah I know we must have did that or maybe right now doing that. But whatever, nobody's care & nobody's perfect. We say "don't judge the other" when ourselves judging others. We say "Slap two faces of a hypocrite.", now who has two faces? As I said...we ever did that. Me too. And sometimes I feel hypocrite when I think I always do the right things at all...when I actually not. Nobody wants to claim themselves as a wrong person at all. Some of them maybe don't want to claim themselves wrong, even when they totally wrong. They will always  think they have did a good job. Not all. I don't want to judge just in the dark side which you can easily say "HAHA you just judge them in one side!! stupid.". In another side, judging and being hypocrite is somehow good. WHAT?! WHICH PART IS GOOD?! 
Before I tell you my opinion. According to dictionary...
    judg-ment  noun act or instance of judging. 
2.the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion: a man of sound judgment.
    hyp-o-crite noun

  1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral orreligious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she doesnot actually possess, especially a person whoseactions  
  2. belie stated beliefs.a person who feigns some desirable or publiclyapproved attitude, especially one whose private life,opinions, or statements belie his or her publicstatements.

source : google

1. Critical thinking.
2. You don't know how people think about you before someone is judge you. Hey, don't you want to be a better human? Self-assessment.
3. You know who has two faces. *meme face*
4. You can make a decision.

Poor me. I'm forget what I'm going to write actually. Smh.

yeah, that's true. Love takes our tears.
By the way, WE ARE SO CLOSE TO NEW YEAR 2013!! okay I know...I know...I'm so sad. So damn sad. I don't have any plan for new year, this year doesn't like the past few years. First, I don't gather with my big fam, they do their own bussiness. And I'm here just with my mom, dad, and lil bro. Maybe I'll celebrate new year with my grandma & grandpa, I know it will be super boring. But somehow it's just good. And about my fam, they're stay in Jakarta and I'm not going to Jakarta this year. The other thing which makes me so disappointed is...Miss KidZania Jakarta 2009-2011 is held a reunion TODAY. I wonder how happy they are, ah I miss them so much. Although I'm not a winner, yea just a semi-finalist but at least I got experiences.

Talking about 2013, I often see a lot of people do "wishlist" every months. And as long as I remember maybe I'm just joining one or maybe two hashtag which tell our wishlist. Not long after that I'm just thinking, why we have to do that wishlist every month and write it on Twitter. I mean, if we want our wish granted...we can pray and try, not by write it on Twitter. But that's ok, there is no harm in it right? So, why don't we try to write our wishlist for 2013. (I bet people will write their wishlist soon.). I've set up a plan for 2013, I hate it so much when sometimes I made a plan that didn't go well. I would love to do craft, yeah did it sometimes; paper, recycling, styrofoam, unwanted stuffs. When they day came... "ok, I'll do it tomorrow...tomorrow...yeah next week maybe." and end up with do nothing but Twitter instead. I wish I could do quality activities in the upcoming holidays, doesn't like this holiday which just end up with sleep, eat, twitter-ing ( a lot) , and watching movies... so wasting time! I also hope that I will have some Chelsea FC Stuffs next year. I don't want anything but happiness!

Guys, what's your plan for 2013? :) SEE YA ON THE NEXT YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! *lotsaluv*

image source : google, tumblr

Sunday, December 09, 2012

Goodbye 13, Hello 14!

"December 2nd 2012"

Heyaaaa! Uh after almost 2 months I didn't show up here, yeah you know students task; exam, exam, exam, homework, sleep, eat, play, twitter-twitter-twitter. I miss you already and I bet you don't miss me ya? WHO WANTS TO READ THIS STUPID WEIRD BLOG. lol. But it doesn't matter, I will always love you guys, as always :') unrequited love. HAHA no. Although I don't post anything, I still read your comments(which is about follow and some compliments&insults) and replying those e-mails in my inbox, oh and of course Twitter everyday. (now I know why I got bad grades, it's YOU; Twitter.) I post this with reasons, it's because my 14th birthday on December 2nd 2012 (read: 2-12-2012)! I love 2012! It's a good date, really a good date, but it's not as good as that. First, at monday I have an exam. Second, there is no difference with today and another day. Three, I wake up earlier than my parents, so the surprise is somewhat chaotic. 

Anyway, there are a lot of things I miss. I don't get a wishes from one of my special person, it's Yoya; Aurora Desi Ananda. I don't know where she is, we both don't know (me and beyi; BerlianaFaradisa), we are so close. But one of us was just like...gone. Make it bigger, Feb.  Well if you read it as you know, we don't care for who you are and about your real name. It doesn't matter, as long as you're nice, we are ready to see you again. Whatever happen with you. Do you remember my birthday? It's today, and the next day is Beyi's. You don't remember? You forget us, do you? And your birthday...will be at December 13th. We used to talk like an idiot. I remember the jokes. (read this post: Thirteenth Birthday! ). After the tragedy, which I don't want to remember, I have felt something different with you, YOU... slowly stay away from us until the day. BAM! You gone. Ah, and those friends who hate her. As you know...whoever she is, I still care.
Sooooo....let's forget it.

It was an amazing year and so impressive. It was just fascinating; all the single day. Every day was valuable for me. And I had a lot of new experiences with "13". I can't forget what I've been through last year. Thanks 13!

It's so sad I can't post it at December 2nd instead today. I have to collect the pictures, yeaaaa the wishes! Thank you so much for it, I feel so honored and happy all the day. Especially when they put my name on their BBM Contact, it's cute. Thanks you so much, may Allah always bless you! Hell yeah December 13th is Taylor Swift's birthday,13 is one of my favorite number too! Hahaha. The difference between last year post is the language, I use slang languages there which is....weird. But that's okay, I'm still learning now. I don't know, maybe this one is quite long...long... Well, as you know, I'm still replying the wishes while i'm writing this. IT'S A SUPER BOSS FEELING. Hahaha superb, it helps me a lot because it makes me so happy...

I love how you write the lyrics; touching, real life story, real love story.
I'm just wondering if someday you'll married with your prince charming. And we'll miss your teenage. And your son(s) or daughter(s) will be a superstar. 
I promise; I will introduce you to my child, how you make my life worthful. I just want to share with my child; i've become their age.
Oh Taylor, I know you'll never read this post but...I really miss your curly hair! However, you're still gorgeous with straight hair, really...
 Love youuuu !

(Swifties know why I type it with Red color.)

Another wishes...

Happy birthday for Beyi and Yoya!
Berliana Faradisa : December 5th 2012
Aurora Desi Ananda : December 13th 2012
I miss the old us, girls!
I wish I can go back, when we still together. aw.
yoya looks pale, but still cute.
it's Beyi. Just took it from her facebook page.
and happy birthday to all of the people who birth on December!

Yeah, that's it. I want to thank for all the wishes, I can't give anything but respect. Here you are some of the wishes; I'm sorry because I can't upload all the pics. It's wasting time. Hehe, but THANKS THANKS AND THANKS! :)

Whoaaaa... oh and I was just remember, I didn't capture the wishes on my facebook, thanks for the wishes {}

"You'll find as you grow older that you weren't born such a great while ago after all. The time shortens up." -William Dean Howells

"We have no choice of what color we're born or who our parents are or whether we're rich or poor. What we do have is some choice over what we make of our lives once we're here." - Mildred Taylor

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice." -Cherokee Expression

"Youth is a circumstance you can't do anything about. The trick is to grow up without getting old." -Frank Lloyd Wright.


Sunday, September 23, 2012

delicious ambiguity

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beggining, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." -Gilda Radner

Thursday, August 09, 2012

Strongest Kids with Cancer

these little warrior's
they are the warrior's though tiny by far,

who won't let cancer, change who they are.

to battle this demon, they'll go that extra mile,

with giggles and laughter and great big smiles.

yes these are the warrior's, so brave and so true,

to have one more day, with me and with you.

they are more wise then the years, that they'll never be.

they know words like remission and chemo, needle's and iv's.

this cancer it comes, like a thief in the night,

but these little warriors are ready to fight.

some go to battle and sometimes they don't win,

the pain for them is over but ours just begins.

these little warriors need a drug that will end,

this war they've been fighting, this cancer within.

they need to be able to be children again ,

to laugh and to play with their family and friends.

not lie in a hospital with tubes up their nose,

that's not how the story of these warriors goes.

how can this country have such knowledge on war,

yet we can't end the one, that their fighting for.

by Gloria Collins

I cried when I saw kids with Cancer. I was about to cry. haha. They are the strongest kids I've ever known. I was just keep searching and scrolling, everything about Cancer. I saw a lot of pictures of them, with no hair. But they're still look fine and happy. And that's makes me speechless. Things that makes me proud of them are.. they have strength and courage to fighting cancer I just found a lot of web who talks about Cancer, even allowing them to share their stories. You can check it HERE. There is one story that makes me interested. It was written by a mother for her daughter, Amber, she had Rhabdomyosarcoma. Here it is...

   Amber knew why she was sent to earth. A few days before she died, she called me to her side and told me, "Mom, I KNOW I'm here to help a lot of people." Although she said many wise and wonderful things in her 4 1/2 years, I was astounded. From the moment she was born, I knew I was "chosen" to be Amber's mother but the reason why was unclear. I documented our life together and especially her journey through cancer with recordings, movies, photos, media coverage, her drawings, and a journal. It helped me cope, gave me purpose, and ensured that her life and death would have meaning, even after she died. Having found Bernie Siegel to care for her, I was blessed beyond words. He helped us help her "cross the threshold" between life and death. Her death was miraculous. The moment she stopped breathing, I physically felt God... the Higher Power... the world that we cannot see with our eyes. Amber died on my 27th birthday in 1980. Before she died, she gave me the most precious gift I've ever received: The secret to what happens after our body dies. "Mom, when I die, I'll still be Amber, I'll just be DIFFERENT." Knowing that, I did not "lose a child," she did not "pass away." She simply changed. She is with me now, but different. 

For most of the 30+ years since she died, this "gift" has comforted me, given me the strength to help others, and sustained me as I dug deep to call up the feelings and emotions I needed to write "Embrace the Angel." It is now published and I am ready to, once again, reach out and spread Amber's message of "hope, heaven, and the miracle of life and death." But there is one thing holding me back. It is not her death, it is cancer. It is not the fact that she was "killed," is the the "murderer." I am trying to "wrap myself around" this horrible disease that kills so many of our loved ones. I must find peace and understanding while working to bring people together, raise awareness, and facilitate change in the "Cancer World." But how? Perhaps returning to the moment in time when my "Life Task" is the answer. After she died at home, we took her body to St. Raphael's Hospital in New Haven, CT. Bernie called ahead to make the arrangements. Excerpt from Chapter 14, Crossing the Threshold: "I walked towards the automatic doors, her lifeless body swaying to my step. Beyond the parting doors, I could see a crowd. Nurses, doctors, secretaries, visitors, priests, and nuns had gathered there to pay their last respects to this little girl—their little girl—who had fought so bravely to the very end. At once, I could see I wasn't alone, that they had suffered, too. They had hoped for her recovery, prayed for her life, and watched along with me as she slowly and painfully died. Many were crying. Their grief forced them to turn to each other for comfort. I felt no pangs of sadness or sorrow; I still felt the glory of God. I was at peace, and so was my baby. Dr. Raine, a young intern, directed us to a small room that was separated from the Emergency Room by a curtain. I placed her body on the stretcher and studied it... absorbing every inch... filling my mind with the memory of Amber. "Perfect feet... hands... lips... eyes..." I stopped at the tumor. I moved closer to inspect it. Since she wasn't there and could feel no pain, I shook it. It felt like gelatin: Soft, powerless, sickening. It was enormous; nearly the same size as her head. "How can something so pathetic... so ugly... kill my beautiful little girl?!?!" Just under my skin, seething rage was coursing through my veins. In my mind, I could see a battlefield strewn with the bodies of all the other children who had died before Amber and the bodies of children yet to come. Instantly, I felt as though I'd been injected with a tranquilizer. My hatred gave way to a new understanding. 

"Don't waste your life hating. Your time on this earth is too short. Take her message...take MY message to the world. WRITE THE BOOK. Save the others." I took a vow: "I will.

In Indonesia it happens too to Gita Sesa Wanda Cantika or Keke, the story told in Surat Kecil Untuk Tuhan(pic above) book and movie. She had Rhabdomyosarcoma, like Amber and the other strong kids. I've thoughts that maybe they're now gathered in heaven, with no cancer. Because God has took it, as Amber's mom said, "It's not her dead, it's cancer". They must be happy now, beside God. I remember when someone write on Twitter that Cancer kids need Barbie with no hair, so they'll never feel alone. And I found this on Google. Well maybe I was too late to write this article, but we're never too late to help them fighting Cancer.

Readers, you can visit this web, YKAKI (Yayasan Kasih Anak Kanker Indonesia)

"I hope there would be a day that cancer is just a horoscope."

(picture was took from Google)

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Sungha Jung

he's so cute >,<

Sungha Jung is a professional acoustic fingerstyle guitarist from South Korea. He was born on September 2nd, 1996. He had been watching his dad play the guitar for awhile before he finally jumped on it himself three years ago. He is currently taking drum lessons and teaching himself fingerstyle guitar. He used to not have tabs for the music that he played in his videos (YouTube). He just listen and pick them up directly from the sound source in videos available on the Internet. However, he have started playing with original tabs whenever they are available by courtesy of the author. As of January 1st, 2009 Lakewood(a German acoustic guitar manufacturer) acts as sponsor for his guitar officially.

I watched his videos yesterday for the first time from YouTube then directly download it. And what I can do is just gaping. He is so damn cute and his guitar playing is obviously amazing. I'm wondering if someday I could have boyfriend just like him. Hahaha, that would be so great. I'm sure all the girls who watch his video will melting...<3 This is the first video I watch yesterday and I'm currently download another videos. And I instantly falling in love...with his guitar playing. Well he's not bad actually.
Look at him. Omg...he's so charming and I can't stop staring at him hahaha. Well I don't like to say it, but he's look like my friend-_- Yesterday when I show this video to my brother, he says "Haha, so you like him, don't you?;)" Yes. I admire him because he can play guitar very well. Wondering someday someone will sings to me and propose me with songs Marry You by Bruno Mars. Lol I'm just dreaming.

This is the pic I took from his official twitter, it reminds me to Kim Bum. <3
And this is the videos when he was little, actually he's still little. And here are some videos. I really want to pinch his cheeks<3 I really enjoy those videos.

"Sungha's Guitar"
Don't you want to know what kind of guitar Sungha has been playing?
The First Guitar
When he was 9 years old, he bought a classic guitar made of plywood with his pocket money as his first guitar.It was a really coarse plywood guitar and its price was less than $60. It was like a kind of toy that was hard to tune. You can see the only song played with this guitar.
The Second Guitar
His dad was so surprised at his extraordinary skill with a toy-like guitar and decided to buy a better one. That’s Sungha’s second guitar -- a parlor guitar, Cort Earth900.
Even though it was a small-sized guitar, the size was still a problem for little Sungha.
It was not easy for little Sungha to play with bigger guitar than him. But he started playing seriously and recorded many video.
‘Akaskero’, which made him to meet Thomas Leeb and ‘Blue Moon’ with Tommy Emmanuel, was the song that he played with this guitar.
It sounded better than his first guitar, but he still needed a better guitar that would suit him well. 
BTW, it was hard to decide to make a hand-made guitar for rapidly-growing 9-years-old boy with more $1,000.
However, it was not easy for Sungha’s dad to get him a custom-made guitar, because it would cost him thousands of dollars and Sungha would soon grow out it! 
The Third Guitar
When Sungha’s dad was looking for a better guitar, one famous Korean guitar manufacturer “Selma” proposed to make the custom guitar for him.
Selma sponsored him a small-combo sized “All Spruce” model, and this became Sungha’s third guitar. 
This guitar is also recognized as ‘a signed-guitar’ by his youtube fans. The story is that Thomas Leeb and Sungha became friends after Thomas watched Sungha’s playing his arrangements and invited him to his concert. Thomas Leeb wrote on this third guitar,“Keep on Grooving, To my Friend, Thomas Leeb”. 
This guitar soon became Sungha’s best partner as well as the best friend during his skill grew most rapidly.  
The Fourth Guitar
After sponsorship of Selma guitar. Lakewood guitar company started to sponsor Sungha with their custom-made guitar from 2009. Ulli Boegershausen helped to establish this sponsorship. Nowadays, he is using this guitar. Lakewood is a reputable guitar manufacturer in Europe and Ulli Boegershausen and Peter Finger are using the guitar from this company. Lakewood made a very special guitar for Sungha that fits him perfect, and it took them almost 4 month to complete. The model is ‘Lakewood A48CP’ and its top was made of the European spruce and back/side was of Macasaar ebony. Its specification is the same as his mentor - Ulli Boegershausn’s. It has a highest quality and price in Lakewood’s line-ups. It is among the highest quality and price (5,800 euro) in Lakewood line-ups. Sungha loves this guitar so much and treat it most carefully all the time. Plus, his guitar case also is hand-made one and one of his fans in US gave him as a present. Sungha is grateful for all the people who helped him and you can feel it through his playing.  Enjoy the Lakewood sound with this song Lakewood Song

I am Sungha Jung fans now ^^ Maybe I was too late. He inspire me so much. So, what do you think about him? Isn't he adorable? You should watch his videos! Remember YOLO.
Here is Sungha's official site :




Friday, May 11, 2012

I am not

"I'm not Barbie, you are not Ken
I'm not Juliette, you are not Romeo
I'm not Elizabeth, you are not Mr.Darcy
I'm not Cinderella, you are not Prince Charming
I'm not Bella, you are not Edward
I fall for you and you fall for someone else"

Monday, March 26, 2012

Davy Jones' Locker - Pirate Talk

Now we will have some pirate talk, no I mean... I wanna talk about pirate life! It's interesting for me..

Punch Davy Jones's Locker.png
Davy Jones's Locker is an idiom for the bottom of the sea: the state of death among drowned sailors. It is used as an euphemism for death at sea (to be sent to Davy Jones's Locker). The origins of the name are unclear and many theories have been put forth, including incompetent sailors, a pub owner who kidnapped sailors, or that Davy Jones is another name for the devil—as in "Devil Jonah." This nautical superstition was popularized in the 19th century.

After watched The Adventures of Tintin : Prisoners of the Sun Captain Haddock, I remember when Capt.Haddock said "Davy Jones' here I come!" Who's Davy Jones? Well, I don't exactly know what's the meaning of Davy Jones' Locker. But, by the rumors, information, and book I've read, it took some words which give more curiosity.

The Land of Death Flying Dutchman Pirate 
Captain of the Ghost Ship Devil Grave in the Sea 
Dangerous Place in the Bottom of Ocean Death Treasure 
Lost in the Sea Black Sailors 

It makes me interested with pirate life! Pirate talk, treasures, ship, wrecks, that was just awesome. Pirate, which we know as a robber at the sea, they looking for treasures and go to the various ocean. I also found another term or words... Such as privateer(sailor with a letter of a marque from a government, letter of a marque is a document given to a privateer giving him amnesty from piracy laws. I don't know what's the meaning of piracy-_-), buccaneer(the term for the privateers who fought against the Spanish), corsair (this term was used for Christian and Muslim privateers in the Mediterranean between 16th and 19th centuries).

Do you know what "Avast Ye!" used for? It's a hailing phrase to indicate that the hailed must "stop" and give attention. Keel Haul? This is the act of throwing a man overboard, tied to a rope that goes beneath the ship, and then dragging him from the one side to the other and across the barnacle studded ship's hull and cause great pain and injury. I saw some movie scenes about this, this was a serious punishment.

Oh...and Jack Sparrow from Pirate of the Carribeans 5. His acting was amazing and funny... Yeah, Johnny Depp, he was the Mad Hatter too in Alice in Wonderland. Can you see the difference? Yeah, make up. But that was amazing. I was impressed...
What do you know about pirate? That would be great if we have some pirate talk.. Pirates Ahooyy!

Happy birthday MOM

Omg I know it's super late post! ..sorry mom
I should have posted it on March 9th 2012, but I don't have enough time to manage this blog.

Sometimes I really hate you
But I really love you as always
I love you so much
Because I know...
Wherever, whenever
You'll always there for me
Always there for support me
Whatever happen
I wish the best on your birthday
Longlife and full of laughter
Your smile....
Brighten than the sun...

Dear mom,
Your love is irreplaceable, I can't give you love as you give me.
I don't remember how does it feels when I still in your belly.
I just hear the stories from our family and friends. They said you always love me day or night. They said you always take care of me, whatever happen. No matter you're sick, you always take care of me, feed me, sing me good night song, and tell the stories. I love you as always...althought sometimes I hate you.
But I promise... I will give you the best as I can, because you worth it.
Someday... I'll make you proud! I promise mom...
I'll do my best!
Only one request...
Always beside me.
Mom, I Love You
happy mother days

Saturday, March 03, 2012


" I don't care if you are black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Simple as that."