Sunday, December 30, 2012

Hatred is Madness of the Heart ~ Lord Byron


You know, every new post I always start with "Hey!" "Hello!" "I miss this blog blah blah blah.." and act like oh-I-miss-this-blog-so-much , but right now I don't feel like to use that strange-awkward-creepy-happy voice, I mean just for now and maybe some other day. Although God gave me a lot of valuable moments, chances, and surprises this month, I also face a lot of problems (not much, i'm just exaggerating) which a lot of people don't know. They don't know much about me, they just pretend. It's not a big probs, it's just me which makes it bigger, don't you ever do that too? So that everyone would keep watching on you, and they say nice words for you such as "are you okay?" "tell me, maybe I can help you." "it's okay, (your name)..." "It's not your fault, it's......" "I don't mean to bother you, but, would you like to tell me what's happening?" "God always beside you, don't worry." and so on. It doesn't mean I dislike those words which most of them are a lie, a fake attention  pure-hearted attention. I hope you don't misunderstanding, those words are nice and makes me feeling better, I mean "thanks for your (I hope it's not fake) attention". Please be honest, have you ever give true attention you gave to your friends which in heart-breaking moments? I bet yes, me too. But, have you ever give a fake attention just because you want to be look nicer. K, it's actually a confession. Sometimes.

I am getting closer with some people recently and I realized something that you might have realized much time before me. As examples; have you ever feel nervous and you think someone will do better than you? Imagine you are in a concert, you were soooo nervous but when you see another participant it was like oh yeah they are good. Yeah so-so. (This is what I feel) but when my turn... I can't do this, kill me now. How if I make a mistakes and people will bla-bla-bla... They're good and I'm not. But in another side, I want to show my skill, I know I'm good enough, I know I can do that, I just want to make them proud. Always.  I told my friends how I felt (also a participant), I told them how I want to end this as fast as I can and just go home, prayed bad things so the concert will be canceled. Guess what my friend did? She told me she was as nervous as me, she thinks she can't do that(even I think she's the best, and I know she knows it) and I was like DUDE, LOOK AT YOURSELF. YOU ARE AMAZING, STOP COMPLAINING, I KNOW I'M NOT EVEN BETTER THAN YOU. I just want to be the last participant. But being the last is worse, it was like the only person who waits in the station at the midnight alone(horror movies). But in the end, we have to do it whatever happen. I'm remembering my experiences, mix it. I remember a lot of quote say : you are depends on what you think. So I start think deeply, find out what the actual meaning of that quote. I use my brain because I didn't found it on google, ouch. I don't know the real meaning but...I think we are what they think about me, it same like they are depends on what we think. I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN WHAT I WANT TO SAY. Just if you know what I mean.

I really want to share the story in detail, but I can't because I think it's too private and hurt others. I just hate it...I hate it so much when my anger turns into tears. I feel weak. A small anger starts from mood, bad mood destroys everything, and you know why girls get badmood easily...yeah. Before you judge me because someone judge me, I don't  want you think if I never judge someone who might have judge someone. Complicated. Hell-yeah I know we must have did that or maybe right now doing that. But whatever, nobody's care & nobody's perfect. We say "don't judge the other" when ourselves judging others. We say "Slap two faces of a hypocrite.", now who has two faces? As I said...we ever did that. Me too. And sometimes I feel hypocrite when I think I always do the right things at all...when I actually not. Nobody wants to claim themselves as a wrong person at all. Some of them maybe don't want to claim themselves wrong, even when they totally wrong. They will always  think they have did a good job. Not all. I don't want to judge just in the dark side which you can easily say "HAHA you just judge them in one side!! stupid.". In another side, judging and being hypocrite is somehow good. WHAT?! WHICH PART IS GOOD?! 
Before I tell you my opinion. According to dictionary...
    judg-ment  noun act or instance of judging. 
2.the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion: a man of sound judgment.
    hyp-o-crite noun

  1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral orreligious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she doesnot actually possess, especially a person whoseactions  
  2. belie stated beliefs.a person who feigns some desirable or publiclyapproved attitude, especially one whose private life,opinions, or statements belie his or her publicstatements.

source : google

1. Critical thinking.
2. You don't know how people think about you before someone is judge you. Hey, don't you want to be a better human? Self-assessment.
3. You know who has two faces. *meme face*
4. You can make a decision.

Poor me. I'm forget what I'm going to write actually. Smh.

yeah, that's true. Love takes our tears.
By the way, WE ARE SO CLOSE TO NEW YEAR 2013!! okay I know...I know...I'm so sad. So damn sad. I don't have any plan for new year, this year doesn't like the past few years. First, I don't gather with my big fam, they do their own bussiness. And I'm here just with my mom, dad, and lil bro. Maybe I'll celebrate new year with my grandma & grandpa, I know it will be super boring. But somehow it's just good. And about my fam, they're stay in Jakarta and I'm not going to Jakarta this year. The other thing which makes me so disappointed is...Miss KidZania Jakarta 2009-2011 is held a reunion TODAY. I wonder how happy they are, ah I miss them so much. Although I'm not a winner, yea just a semi-finalist but at least I got experiences.

Talking about 2013, I often see a lot of people do "wishlist" every months. And as long as I remember maybe I'm just joining one or maybe two hashtag which tell our wishlist. Not long after that I'm just thinking, why we have to do that wishlist every month and write it on Twitter. I mean, if we want our wish granted...we can pray and try, not by write it on Twitter. But that's ok, there is no harm in it right? So, why don't we try to write our wishlist for 2013. (I bet people will write their wishlist soon.). I've set up a plan for 2013, I hate it so much when sometimes I made a plan that didn't go well. I would love to do craft, yeah did it sometimes; paper, recycling, styrofoam, unwanted stuffs. When they day came... "ok, I'll do it tomorrow...tomorrow...yeah next week maybe." and end up with do nothing but Twitter instead. I wish I could do quality activities in the upcoming holidays, doesn't like this holiday which just end up with sleep, eat, twitter-ing ( a lot) , and watching movies... so wasting time! I also hope that I will have some Chelsea FC Stuffs next year. I don't want anything but happiness!

Guys, what's your plan for 2013? :) SEE YA ON THE NEXT YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! *lotsaluv*

image source : google, tumblr

Sunday, December 09, 2012

Goodbye 13, Hello 14!

"December 2nd 2012"

Heyaaaa! Uh after almost 2 months I didn't show up here, yeah you know students task; exam, exam, exam, homework, sleep, eat, play, twitter-twitter-twitter. I miss you already and I bet you don't miss me ya? WHO WANTS TO READ THIS STUPID WEIRD BLOG. lol. But it doesn't matter, I will always love you guys, as always :') unrequited love. HAHA no. Although I don't post anything, I still read your comments(which is about follow and some compliments&insults) and replying those e-mails in my inbox, oh and of course Twitter everyday. (now I know why I got bad grades, it's YOU; Twitter.) I post this with reasons, it's because my 14th birthday on December 2nd 2012 (read: 2-12-2012)! I love 2012! It's a good date, really a good date, but it's not as good as that. First, at monday I have an exam. Second, there is no difference with today and another day. Three, I wake up earlier than my parents, so the surprise is somewhat chaotic. 

Anyway, there are a lot of things I miss. I don't get a wishes from one of my special person, it's Yoya; Aurora Desi Ananda. I don't know where she is, we both don't know (me and beyi; BerlianaFaradisa), we are so close. But one of us was just like...gone. Make it bigger, Feb.  Well if you read it as you know, we don't care for who you are and about your real name. It doesn't matter, as long as you're nice, we are ready to see you again. Whatever happen with you. Do you remember my birthday? It's today, and the next day is Beyi's. You don't remember? You forget us, do you? And your birthday...will be at December 13th. We used to talk like an idiot. I remember the jokes. (read this post: Thirteenth Birthday! ). After the tragedy, which I don't want to remember, I have felt something different with you, YOU... slowly stay away from us until the day. BAM! You gone. Ah, and those friends who hate her. As you know...whoever she is, I still care.
Sooooo....let's forget it.

It was an amazing year and so impressive. It was just fascinating; all the single day. Every day was valuable for me. And I had a lot of new experiences with "13". I can't forget what I've been through last year. Thanks 13!

It's so sad I can't post it at December 2nd instead today. I have to collect the pictures, yeaaaa the wishes! Thank you so much for it, I feel so honored and happy all the day. Especially when they put my name on their BBM Contact, it's cute. Thanks you so much, may Allah always bless you! Hell yeah December 13th is Taylor Swift's birthday,13 is one of my favorite number too! Hahaha. The difference between last year post is the language, I use slang languages there which is....weird. But that's okay, I'm still learning now. I don't know, maybe this one is quite long...long... Well, as you know, I'm still replying the wishes while i'm writing this. IT'S A SUPER BOSS FEELING. Hahaha superb, it helps me a lot because it makes me so happy...

I love how you write the lyrics; touching, real life story, real love story.
I'm just wondering if someday you'll married with your prince charming. And we'll miss your teenage. And your son(s) or daughter(s) will be a superstar. 
I promise; I will introduce you to my child, how you make my life worthful. I just want to share with my child; i've become their age.
Oh Taylor, I know you'll never read this post but...I really miss your curly hair! However, you're still gorgeous with straight hair, really...
 Love youuuu !

(Swifties know why I type it with Red color.)

Another wishes...

Happy birthday for Beyi and Yoya!
Berliana Faradisa : December 5th 2012
Aurora Desi Ananda : December 13th 2012
I miss the old us, girls!
I wish I can go back, when we still together. aw.
yoya looks pale, but still cute.
it's Beyi. Just took it from her facebook page.
and happy birthday to all of the people who birth on December!

Yeah, that's it. I want to thank for all the wishes, I can't give anything but respect. Here you are some of the wishes; I'm sorry because I can't upload all the pics. It's wasting time. Hehe, but THANKS THANKS AND THANKS! :)

Whoaaaa... oh and I was just remember, I didn't capture the wishes on my facebook, thanks for the wishes {}

"You'll find as you grow older that you weren't born such a great while ago after all. The time shortens up." -William Dean Howells

"We have no choice of what color we're born or who our parents are or whether we're rich or poor. What we do have is some choice over what we make of our lives once we're here." - Mildred Taylor

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice." -Cherokee Expression

"Youth is a circumstance you can't do anything about. The trick is to grow up without getting old." -Frank Lloyd Wright.