Sunday, December 30, 2012

Hatred is Madness of the Heart ~ Lord Byron


You know, every new post I always start with "Hey!" "Hello!" "I miss this blog blah blah blah.." and act like oh-I-miss-this-blog-so-much , but right now I don't feel like to use that strange-awkward-creepy-happy voice, I mean just for now and maybe some other day. Although God gave me a lot of valuable moments, chances, and surprises this month, I also face a lot of problems (not much, i'm just exaggerating) which a lot of people don't know. They don't know much about me, they just pretend. It's not a big probs, it's just me which makes it bigger, don't you ever do that too? So that everyone would keep watching on you, and they say nice words for you such as "are you okay?" "tell me, maybe I can help you." "it's okay, (your name)..." "It's not your fault, it's......" "I don't mean to bother you, but, would you like to tell me what's happening?" "God always beside you, don't worry." and so on. It doesn't mean I dislike those words which most of them are a lie, a fake attention  pure-hearted attention. I hope you don't misunderstanding, those words are nice and makes me feeling better, I mean "thanks for your (I hope it's not fake) attention". Please be honest, have you ever give true attention you gave to your friends which in heart-breaking moments? I bet yes, me too. But, have you ever give a fake attention just because you want to be look nicer. K, it's actually a confession. Sometimes.

I am getting closer with some people recently and I realized something that you might have realized much time before me. As examples; have you ever feel nervous and you think someone will do better than you? Imagine you are in a concert, you were soooo nervous but when you see another participant it was like oh yeah they are good. Yeah so-so. (This is what I feel) but when my turn... I can't do this, kill me now. How if I make a mistakes and people will bla-bla-bla... They're good and I'm not. But in another side, I want to show my skill, I know I'm good enough, I know I can do that, I just want to make them proud. Always.  I told my friends how I felt (also a participant), I told them how I want to end this as fast as I can and just go home, prayed bad things so the concert will be canceled. Guess what my friend did? She told me she was as nervous as me, she thinks she can't do that(even I think she's the best, and I know she knows it) and I was like DUDE, LOOK AT YOURSELF. YOU ARE AMAZING, STOP COMPLAINING, I KNOW I'M NOT EVEN BETTER THAN YOU. I just want to be the last participant. But being the last is worse, it was like the only person who waits in the station at the midnight alone(horror movies). But in the end, we have to do it whatever happen. I'm remembering my experiences, mix it. I remember a lot of quote say : you are depends on what you think. So I start think deeply, find out what the actual meaning of that quote. I use my brain because I didn't found it on google, ouch. I don't know the real meaning but...I think we are what they think about me, it same like they are depends on what we think. I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN WHAT I WANT TO SAY. Just if you know what I mean.

I really want to share the story in detail, but I can't because I think it's too private and hurt others. I just hate it...I hate it so much when my anger turns into tears. I feel weak. A small anger starts from mood, bad mood destroys everything, and you know why girls get badmood easily...yeah. Before you judge me because someone judge me, I don't  want you think if I never judge someone who might have judge someone. Complicated. Hell-yeah I know we must have did that or maybe right now doing that. But whatever, nobody's care & nobody's perfect. We say "don't judge the other" when ourselves judging others. We say "Slap two faces of a hypocrite.", now who has two faces? As I said...we ever did that. Me too. And sometimes I feel hypocrite when I think I always do the right things at all...when I actually not. Nobody wants to claim themselves as a wrong person at all. Some of them maybe don't want to claim themselves wrong, even when they totally wrong. They will always  think they have did a good job. Not all. I don't want to judge just in the dark side which you can easily say "HAHA you just judge them in one side!! stupid.". In another side, judging and being hypocrite is somehow good. WHAT?! WHICH PART IS GOOD?! 
Before I tell you my opinion. According to dictionary...
    judg-ment  noun act or instance of judging. 
2.the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion: a man of sound judgment.
    hyp-o-crite noun

  1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral orreligious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she doesnot actually possess, especially a person whoseactions  
  2. belie stated beliefs.a person who feigns some desirable or publiclyapproved attitude, especially one whose private life,opinions, or statements belie his or her publicstatements.

source : google

1. Critical thinking.
2. You don't know how people think about you before someone is judge you. Hey, don't you want to be a better human? Self-assessment.
3. You know who has two faces. *meme face*
4. You can make a decision.

Poor me. I'm forget what I'm going to write actually. Smh.

yeah, that's true. Love takes our tears.
By the way, WE ARE SO CLOSE TO NEW YEAR 2013!! okay I know...I know...I'm so sad. So damn sad. I don't have any plan for new year, this year doesn't like the past few years. First, I don't gather with my big fam, they do their own bussiness. And I'm here just with my mom, dad, and lil bro. Maybe I'll celebrate new year with my grandma & grandpa, I know it will be super boring. But somehow it's just good. And about my fam, they're stay in Jakarta and I'm not going to Jakarta this year. The other thing which makes me so disappointed is...Miss KidZania Jakarta 2009-2011 is held a reunion TODAY. I wonder how happy they are, ah I miss them so much. Although I'm not a winner, yea just a semi-finalist but at least I got experiences.

Talking about 2013, I often see a lot of people do "wishlist" every months. And as long as I remember maybe I'm just joining one or maybe two hashtag which tell our wishlist. Not long after that I'm just thinking, why we have to do that wishlist every month and write it on Twitter. I mean, if we want our wish granted...we can pray and try, not by write it on Twitter. But that's ok, there is no harm in it right? So, why don't we try to write our wishlist for 2013. (I bet people will write their wishlist soon.). I've set up a plan for 2013, I hate it so much when sometimes I made a plan that didn't go well. I would love to do craft, yeah did it sometimes; paper, recycling, styrofoam, unwanted stuffs. When they day came... "ok, I'll do it tomorrow...tomorrow...yeah next week maybe." and end up with do nothing but Twitter instead. I wish I could do quality activities in the upcoming holidays, doesn't like this holiday which just end up with sleep, eat, twitter-ing ( a lot) , and watching movies... so wasting time! I also hope that I will have some Chelsea FC Stuffs next year. I don't want anything but happiness!

Guys, what's your plan for 2013? :) SEE YA ON THE NEXT YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR! *lotsaluv*

image source : google, tumblr


  1. lagi bad mood banget ya? sampai kerasa pas baca. nice post anyways ^^

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    1. do you want to follow each other?
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  2. @francesca : thanks!!
    @inge lakawa : hehehe aduh keliatan banget ya :$ thanksss

  3. Awesome quotes!!
    Check out our latest post - Golden Globes: Hair Trend
    Lots of Love
    Chic Factor Team

  4. It's so true, there are so many haters around, especially on the web. Better just ignore them. I am now following you on GFC, I hope you will follow me back.

  5. nice day :)
    hargailah hari kemaren,
    mimpikanlah hari esok,
    tetapi hiduplah untuk hari ini.
    bagi-bagi motivasinya yaah...

  6. Haters gonna hate! However, perfect way is just don't mind them. Live life to the fullest.
    Nice blog by the way. Followed you via GFC. Hope you can visit my blog and follow back too! :)

    DAINTY CHIC by Loila L.
    Latest post: The Vampire Diaries

  7. Love your blog! Maybe we could follow each other on bloglovin or GFC? Please leave me a comment or follow me and I will follow you =)

    **Giveaway on my blog**

  8. nice day :)
    Bermimpilah tentang apa yang ingin kamu impikan,
    pergilah ke tempat-tempat kamu inginkan,
    Jadilah seperti yang kamu inginkan,
    karena kamu hanya memiliki satu kehidupan
    dan satu kesempatan untuk melakukan hal-hal
    yang ingin kamu lakukan

  9. you're very smart! :)

    join my giveaway:

  10. Great Blog!

    Would you like to follow each other on GFC?

  11. halo Tante Febby...
    maaf juga DIja jarang blogwalking....
    Dija lagi syukuran lhoooo


    @Dija : sejak kapan kamu manggil aku tante=,= hahaha okk


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