Saturday, December 26, 2015

The Ties That Bind 絆(きずな) (ENG-JP)

I am currently on my school vacation since last week. But school starts next week also! I wonder how time flies way too fast, somehow I want to be a little kid again. It's less than four days before new year's though. However, yesterday I spent my two days with my old friend from grade 10/X6, beloved ones, at 23-24 December 2015 in a villa in Kaliurang.  By the way, from now on, I will try my best to write blog posts in multi languages. Today, I will write in English and Japanese in order to practice my writing, well it's not the same though because I am still confused, so please be advised! I would be very happy if you want to correct my mistakes! ^^

私は今学校休みにいます先週まで来週からです!"はやくですね~ どうして?!" というおもいます、 こどもたちなりたいですよ。それは4日以内の新しい年前。 それでは昨日、2015å¹´12月23-24日、私は友人とは2日間山に行ってきました。彼らは等級10からの私の友人です。ところで、今から、 私は多言語で記述します。今日、私は英語と日本語で記述します、書き込みを練習しますだから!え-と。。。それは同じではありません。私はまだ混乱しています!そう助言してください。私の間違いを修正おねがいします。^^

Two days are too short for us, but we had a really good time! The weather was quite breezy and cool because it is located in a mountain, it was raining in the evening and the fog covered almost the entire place so we had to play inside. First, just so you know, we aren't in the same class anymore, but still they're like the best I had ever known. We may argue and fight over little things sometimes, but, isn't it a normal thing in every friendship? Love and hate are pretty much same thing, right?

二日には、私たちのためには短すぎます。しかし、我々は本当に良い時間を過ごしました!それは山に位置しているので、天気が非常にさわやかでクールでした。夕方に雨が降っていました、霧もありました!それほど、家で遊んでいましたね。まず、ちょうどあなたが知っているので、私たちはもう同じクラスではありません。私たちは主張し、時には少し物事を戦うことがあります。友情にこれは正常でしょうか? æ„›ã¨æ†Žã—みは、ほとんど同じことです。正しいですか?

Oh my God. I just only wrote two paragraph but the energy required doubled up! I don't know if it would be this hard. By the way, thank you for the memories. May next year will be better and better.


p.s : I wanted to share the pictures but I haven't got it, however I'll keep this updated. / 私は、写真を共有したいと思ったが、私はそれを持っていません。しかし、私はこれが更新しておこう。

Thursday, December 10, 2015

A Seacht Déag

"When you're seventeen at early twenties, that's the time you're trying to work out who you are. If you're trying to make some kind of artistic or creative impact, that's the age when you start to figure out how to do that." - Daniel Radcliffe

Well said, Potter Dan! Guess what kind of post I'd be writing each December? Exactly, adding one number to my age and guess what, someone has been recognized to be an official citizen. Say what? "Wow such a nonsense congratulations!". Thank you. Oh finally, my precious identity and driving license cards. My precious piece of paper. Then what's with that happy girl in winter picture and Dan's quote and you being seventeen years old anyway? Because hella dude it's frickin' SEVENTEEN! One more than sixteen, or seven more than ten. Err. No, no sweet seventeen please, I ain't sweet. I am seventeen. The good things about seventeen is that you’re not sixteen. Sixteen goes with the word sweet, and I am so far from sweet. Life at best is bittersweet. /Whip my hijab back and forth/

Seventeen, only comes once in a lifetime

Don't it just fly by wild and free
Goin' anyway the wind blew baby

Seventeen, livin' on crazy dreams
Rock and Roll and faded blue jeans
And standin' on the edge of everythin'
Tim McGraw

I am not as concerned about me either. Neither do I realize. But thinking about happiness, I came up with the word "smallpox"; if you catch it too soon, it can completely ruin your constitution. Such a nice choice of words. You are very welcome. Actually, my family and relatives had very low expectations of me, about me dreaming such dreams, and they really had a point. I am such a big problem at seventeen and throughout my whole life. Or even if I had a kid like me, I would have those same expectations.

"But you don't know this…seventeen never knows it. At seventeen dreams do satisfy because you think the realities are waiting for you further on. Now, Anne, don't look as if you were trying to understand. Seventeen can't understand." -L.M Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

Thank you Madame Montgomery, my all time favorite author, to remind me that a seventeen years old would never understand. Well I hope I will be more critical and realistic to such issues. By the way, thanks a bunch for the wishes and gifts. And a special greeting for my five obnoxious friends whom I thought had forgotten about my birthday and all of sudden gave me such a shock by appearing in my room with birthday cake, gray balloons, and my gold paper you cut without my permission. Who posted my very embarrassing picture wearing mukena in school group. I hate you, because love is such a strong word.


Saturday, November 28, 2015


Image result for japanese tumblr

패삐だよ! ㅋㅋㅋ 

今日わたしは日本語をかきますね. でも, 私の日本語はまだわるいです. それでごめんなさい。日本語はとても嬉しいですよ! 私はだくがくをべんきょうしています, 日本語はとても面白いですね。

私は日本人と韓国人友達があります, 彼らはとてこ親切です。 毎日私たちは日本語を話せます。時々言葉ができません, 難しいです。嬉しかった!! 私は韓国と日本が大好き!!! 私は今あまりにも両方の言語を勉強しています。ハングルーは簡単ですが, 言葉は違うと難しい。日本語では,感じです。大変ですね! ところで,  ç§ã¯ç§ã®å‹äººã¨é“を歩きました。突然は雨が降っていました! 濡れましたね~  (笑) ã—かし, 雨の匂いが美しいです。 それは思い出をもたらします。

ああ! 来週に試験があります, 月曜日から来週までをはじめります。それでも, 私が勉強しなかればならない。
それじゃ~ また!

Monday, November 16, 2015

Scientifically Attractive

"I like people who ventures out mentally, people who like to have intellectual conversations with me, the type who actually tries to reach the corners of my mind and bring different parts of me that are hard for me to express. The part of me that I am afraid to show to the world because I am anxious for being called a freak because I have obsession to strange things to the eye of the world."

Image result for scientifically tumblr

As you may already know based on certain scientific proofs that our brain works in mysterious ways. Surprisingly it tends to be more creative at night and that is why mostly I write posts like this at midnight. It's 1.43 am here, and I was just getting up after being lazy for the whole day, still, didn't finish my home works yet. As expected. I know I am undisciplined, I just found out another activities which I consider more interesting. I guess? I haven't do my art home works yet, gosh see I almost ended up complaining too much.

But here goes my chest feels lighter than before as if the burdens that weighed me these days have been lifted up. It did. Thank you for slapping me so hard to made me realize that I didn't know myself quite well and to know me better than myself. Now I realized where this pride brought me to. But then again I wasn't regret because hell dude it shaped me to who I am today and shouldn't we be grateful for it?

Anyway, as I got my mood back or your so called energized. Whatever. Allow me to share what I've learned in these last few weeks. I've been surrounded by multicultural diversity through my whole life even though I jumped to its activity approximately since I got my first Facebook account (dude, I got my first account when I was in grade 6!) Okay so let me tell you, I have this kinda strict parents. well they don't bite, I understand that it is just their way to love me as I am their only daughter, even though I have one brother too, but you guys already know how parents protect their daughter. Well and as a good daughter, I don't want to do something without my parents' permission, as far as I am concerned, I never did. Even though I know, some other things didn't really harm me. They have raised me this far, is it obvious?

Since then, I started to make friends with foreigners that few years later I decided to do snailmailing and postcrossing, etcetera. It always gives me some strange feeling whenever I received mail or packages from people in the other side of the world. I remember my very first letter was so short and I am feeling like my whole day brightened up. I learned so many things like their cultural norms, languages, signatured things from their country, until their personal opinions towards everything. I found it really amusing to know different thoughts. I learned how to deal with things I've never expected to deal with. Honestly I hate small talks, in outside I look like I don't know how to start a conversation and being all awkward wallflower doesn't know what to do, but once you get closer to me, you will never get rid of long paragraphs (Okay even though I have this one friend who is one level above me. Shut up, don't be cocky.) 

Talking about daily life is amusing sometimes, but in certain point sometimes we need to stop being dull minded people and start thinking about something differently. I like people who ventures out mentally, people who like to have intellectual conversations with me, the type who actually tries to reach the corners of my mind and bring different parts of me that are hard for me to express. The part of me that I am afraid to show to the world because I am anxious for being called a freak because I have obsession to strange things to the eye of the world. Or if I could say; I wanna talk about faraway galaxies, your opinion about how the universe was created, the meaning of life, death, atoms, aliens, your childhood, insecurities, and fears. I like people with depth, who tend to see the world by their own perspective. Who didn't see the world the way the media shows them. Twisted mind and memories. I would never get bored to this kind of people. Because they know how to live the life indeed.

As for myself, it is scientifically attractive. But you really have to know, I am not one of those people who are born smart-headed, I am so lazy and basic potato kind of girl, I am just having a big admiration towards intelligence. And that is it. We always attracted by the quality its possess, aren't we? Despite that, it sounds like a reciprocity of attraction, isn't it? Obviously. Psychologically, it is a term of phenomenon which reflects the notion that people feel better about themselves from the people who surrounded them with positive feelings. It works best naturally, correct or correct?

However, no matter how hard I am trying to convince people, only a few would really understand. I wonder, if somebody would even bother to read such nonsense paragraph of my tortured and jailed minds. What about you? Did you even bother to read?

p.s it's 2.53 am already, better off to sleep, IT IS Monday. By the way I am open with friendly discussion via email I hope we can be a good friends~^^

Saturday, November 14, 2015


"...I am feeling like my brain is freezing or lagging or whatever you called it, my minds are scattering all over the floor that it had been squeezed and perpetually melted itself."

" was taken during a flight."

Hello! Here I am, still the same, dealing with bunch of school tasks and else. But I guess mine wasn't as complicated as your though. High school can be hard sometimes but it is great. Well, just great. Not too little, not too much. Just right. Now, I am in a point where I don't know what should I do. I still have probably like 9 remaining tasks I left behind. I tried to finished it but guess what, it didn't work as expected. I mean, yeah. I think I just lost the feeling to do those tasks now. I didn't force myself at all, otherwise I am feeling like I had done nothing but complaining. I am feeling like I didn't do any single thing. Or was it worth it? 

I also in a chapter of my Japanese lesson where I left all the pages blank because I am just too confused. The grammars are so complex that I don't understand what am I even doing. Like so confused. Literally, I am feeling like my English skill also decreasing gradually and so do; my Japanese, French and Korean didn't improved at all after all this time. I don't know why I am just so confused I am feeling like my brain is freezing or lagging or whatever you called it, my minds are scattering all over the floor that it had been squeezed and perpetually melted itself. 

Oh and about the picture above, it was taken during my flight to Jakarta on last Friday. I was given the opportunity to visit the Embassy of Georgia because I won an essay competition held by Leavco and the embassy as well. I had a great time with other winners too even though I was still the same, being awkward on starting up a conversation. I have never been good at conversations and expressing feelings verbally. But other than that, I am feeling so grateful to get this opportunity, even the Embassy of Georgia said my essay was the best among all. Still, I don't think it is good enough, each of essay has its own uniqueness comparing to mine. 

By the way, I am feeling so grateful for everyone who always standing beside me through the ups and downs in life and painting my life with different colors. Thanks for everyone who hasn't give up by my mood swings and/or my weird behaviors towards everything in this world or to deal with my freak obsession some people would never understand. Like ever. At some time, I really find it hard or weird to get myself rely on someone but again, truth be told and food be sold. (What was the last line stands for, duh)

I am so hungry, bye.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

練習(れんしゅう) (//∇//)

今日は、1時41分、私は日本語で書きます。どうして? ç§ã¯ç©ºãæ™‚間に日本語を勉強しています。 æ—¥æœ¬èªžã‚’れんしゅうするひつようがあります!  ã—かし、日本語を少しだけ話せます。とてもすこしです。むずかしいですけど、とても楽しいけいけんです。ごめんあさい! でも、私は嬉しいです。日本での私のともだちは日本語で私をたすけて、ありがとうございますりざちゃん! 私はかのじょのいもうとです、かのじょはいいました。かのじょはしんせつです。かのじょのねこはかわいいですね、なまえはヴァニラです。だいすきだよう! 日本はすばらしいくにです、いつか日本をおとずれたい。にほんごがすきです(for the sake of anime and japanese server online games!! And kiritokun!!!) (笑) 私の日本語はへたです。かんじはとてもむずかしいです(I haven't even finished memorizing all the kana)! Here goes finally giving up and wrote in eigo. はい、さよなら !

Friday, October 02, 2015

TMI Tag (Trop d'Informations)! 50 Questions Personelles

Salut, minna-san mes amis! (If only you considered me as one *pout*) 
Aujourd'hui, J'ai décidé de faire le TMI tag en Français! Pourquoi? Parce que... Je suis tellement mauvais en Français, donc Je dois apprendre. Actually, c'est un tag qui est assez fréquent sur Youtube and it's quite long actually, 50 questions!! Basically the questions you wouldn't want to read. Trop d'informations, it is. Il est sans importance mais si vous vous ennoyez, alors il est bon. Probablement. Despite that, I had noted to myself that I'll definitely laugh at myself in the next few months regarding to this weirdness. (Convincing myself that I just sacrificed my dignity).  Sou desu... voici les questions!
1. Qu'est-ce que tu portes ? Je porte une chemises pyjama, chez moi (it's 3.08 am if you're wondering)!
2. As-tu déjà été amoureuse ? Oui. Hahaha. What is this.
3. As-tu déjà eu une horrible rupture ? Je n'ai un copain depuis ma naissance.
4. Quelle est ta taille ? Je mesure 1m68, the last time I checked.
5. Quel est ton poids ? 5 fois 9, Je dois prendre du poids. Je sais *le cri*
6. Des tatouages ? Non.
7. Des piercings ? Non, même pas les oreilles. Il sera vire au rouge.
8. OTP ? A true pairing? Je ne comprends pas trop la question, mais J'aime beaucoup Kirito-kun et Asuna-San dans l'anime Sword Art Online ( ã‚½ãƒ¼ãƒ‰ã‚¢ãƒ¼ãƒˆ・オンライン)! ãƒ›ãƒ³ãƒˆå¤§å¥½ã です!
9. Série préférée ? Teen Wolf, oui.
10. Groupe préféré ? Paramore et Against The Current, definitely!
11. Quelque chose qui te manque ? Enfance et de vieux amis.
12. Chanson préférée ? En ce moment J'aime chanson l'anime (learn Japanese through this too!) mais I basically...chanson aléatoire.
13. Quel âge as-tu ? J'ai 16ans.
14. Signe du zodiaque ? Je ne crois pas du zodiaque.
15. Qualité que tu recherches chez ton partenaire ? Il doit religieuse, et...un peu bizzare. J'aime ça.
16. Citation préférée ? "You chase the Dunya when it was meant as a punishment for Adam." Hasan al-Basri
17. Acteur favori ? Johnny Depp. Qui d'autre a de nombreux visages (in a good way), comme lui?
18. Couleur préférée ? Bleu.
19. Loud music or soft ? Tout dépend.
20. Où vas-tu quand tu es triste ? La tahzan innalaha ma'ana.
21. Combien de temps restes-tu dans la douche ? 5 min quand je ne me lave pas les cheveux until unlimited time.
22. Combien de temps il te faut pour te préparer le matin ? 30 minutes.
23. T'es-tu déjà battue physiquement ? Quand je suis à l'école primaire, mais pas vraiment mauvais.
24. Turn on ? (qu'est-ce qui te fait craquer chez un homme) Leur personnalité et leur religion.
25. Turn off ? (qu'est-ce qui peut te déplaire complètement chez un homme) Si donnent trop d'attention, juste agir comme d'habitude.
26. La raison pour laquelle tu as rejoint Blog ? Au premier abord (2011 if I am not mistaken), d'améliorer mon anglais, écrire sur mes pensées absurdes. Mais maintenant, aussi améliorer mon Japonais et Français (I hope so)!
27. Peur ? God.
28. Dernière chose qui t'as fait pleuré ? C'est un secret sssh.
29. Dernière fois que tu as dit aimer quelqu'un ?  Mes parents. J'ai jamais fait à un gars.
30. La signification de ton pseudo Blog? Amortentia, un de nom de poison dans Harry Potter, c'est love potion Ã  cause de infatuation ou obsession.
31. Que lis-tu en ce moment ? La littérature Islamique, et fictions dans Wattpad! (I cannot focus on one book, I would jump one to another)
32. Dernier livre que tu as lu ? L'histoire de la vie de Aisyah r.a
33. Dernière série regardée ? Return of Superman (Korean) compte aussi? Daehan Minguk Manse!
34. Dernière personne à qui tu as parlé ? Mon frère, Je lui ai dit de dormir.
35. La relation entre toi et la dernière personne à qui tu as envoyé un message ? C'est ma mére.
36. Nourriture préférée ? Pizza, qui ne pas? Et bebek and sambal bawang if you know!!!
37. Endroit que tu veux visiter ? Holy Mecca et Japon et Europe et partout!
38. Dernier endroit où tu étais ? L'ecole. Le me cri.
39. As-tu eu un coup de cœur/foudre ? Oui...écrasé dans la clôture. Baka.
40. Dernière fois que tu as embrassé quelqu'un ? Je embrassé ma mère.
41. Dernière fois que tu as été insulté ? Aujourd'hui, probably.
42. Goût préféré pour les bonbons ? Tous les types de bonbons!
43. De quel instrument joues-tu ? Piano et la guitar, mais pas bon.
44. Bijoux préféré ? Bague. Simplest.
45. Dernier sport auquel tu as participé ? Je suis mauvais en sport.
46. Dernière chanson que tu as chantée ? I'm Tyrannosaurus (공룡송 나는 야 폭군 티라노사우루스 Im Tyrannosaurus 티라노송) , car les triplets!
47. Phrase préférée pour draguer ? Je ne comprends paaaaas.
48. Est-ce que tu l'as déjà utilisé ? Quoi?

49. Dernière fois que tu t'es disputé avec quelqu'un?  Avec mon petit frère il parle trop fort quand je dors ..... 

50. Qui devrait ensuite répondre à ces questions ? Tyrannosaurusssss Rex!!!!1

Enfin terminé, excuse my mistakes!

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Secrecy for The Sake of Solitude

"What we conceal is always more than what we dare confide."

So much what we live goes on inside. The diaries of grief, the tongue-tied aches of unacknowledged love are no less real. For having passed unsaid.What we conceal is always more than what we dare confide. Think of the letters that we write. Even though sometimes we realize that the world told us differently in a melancholy way. Left unspoken, tacenda. I thought it was a good deal. Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.

When did I become such a poet these days?
I was only talking about the beauty of unexpressed thoughts, and it turns out differently.

Sunday, September 20, 2015


How's life been? No, no, it has nothing to do with the picture above nor the title, but I adore Haruki Murakami (村上 春樹) as much as his books~ which I believe is his soul as one. I probably not a poet or literature geek who has a thousand of collection and etc etc, but my huge admiration and honor towards classic literature may be bigger (or it takes the most) than modern writings nowadays. Classic literature has something that you can't find in any other genres, like it has its own true soul. Something called honesty and sincerity. There's something way bigger than it looks, hiding between every pages of solitude or between the spaces in one and another words. Something lighter than the air. Clearer than the water. Something that I couldn't describe in words. Something that are magical when you look upon the lines. Something that carried you away. Inevitably.

Nonetheless you might be asking why do I seem to use some Japanese characters here. Honestly I also have huge gigantic massive colossal excessive interest in languages. J'aime les langues! Exactly. For me, language is like a gate to another version of the world. You're not only going to learn how to speak or write in another language, but you also understand their way of thinking. Because when you speak in another language, it is like you switch some parts in your brain to their way of thinking. So I think language is amazing. Some people even consider me as a weirdo because I like to switch language when I speak, the words and phrases I personally don't understand myself. 私の友人に、ごめん. I just love how it sounds. Yesterday I thought that I should try to write in another languages other than English in order to improve my writing skill. My English isn't good either I recognize a lot of mistakes (it happens every single time I dare myself to read my previous posts, I forever be like "ew, what was I thinking!? Why do I write such things" and etc etc), but I'd like to try French and Japanese too as I believe that practice makes perfect, I hope so? I would love to write in Arabic, Russian, or a little German. But mind would completely messed up. Please tell me if I make mistakes!

Forthrightly, language is difficult. I want to cry sometimes.  ã‚の。。。なかないIt's true that "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." thanks to bunch of animes, tv shows, and games that light up the whole day and keep remind me how important languages are. Beside that I really want to study abroad (beaucoup!), another goal of mine is to be able play online games in Japan server and to watch animes without subtitles. Sounds horrible, ne? Pas étonnant, je suis bizzare. Anyway there'll be mid-term exam this monday (time is running so fast, huh?) and that means games  and movie marathon all day long I have to study for the best. Bye.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?

My heart breaks to pieces whenever I witness my Muslim brothers and sisters fight to enforce sharia law in their country. Yet, I live peacefully and all I care about is this temporary dunya. They struggling to survive with no food or family, but all I did was wasting food and say bad things to parents. They always trying to pray on time in the Masjid, in the country which its security is not as safe as where I live, yet I didn't practice as much as them. Their dream is to live without bombs and sortie so they could practice Islam properly. And yet, I am wasting my time with useless things. My conscience weeps whenever I saw them living with no legs or hands or eyes, and I still being ungrateful with this countless blessings. All day and night some children in my age are thinking what to eat tomorrow, while I busy complaining the endless school tasks, the education they're always dreaming of. They might still roaming in highway in this cold weather with no decent clothes, thinking where to go on the rest of the night, sleeping in a though road? And I am... again being all ungrateful. I am a sinful servant. I am being ungrateful at things somebody else might pray for it to be theirs. Ya Allah... 

It hurts.

Ya Allah...

فَبِØ£َيِّ آلاءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَØ°ِّبَانِ 

"Which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?"

-Q.S Ar Rahman 55

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

"It looks like this storm will be a doozy" - Anne of Avonlea

"That's just how I wonder about the world and its beautiful covered mysteries. I've never experienced the permeated feeling whenever I read how another person's mind works. Learning how to not  to blame everything gratuitously and being so judgemental. When did we become so harsh?"

Just before the dust fell to the ground as if the pile of dry leaves knew it would hit towards the gravity. As well as my mind works like the rushing blood veins trying to caught up in miseries miserably. Sometimes we fall in love with things strange to the eyes of this world. Like falling in love with autumn leaves, wilted roses, dusky skies, silent pathways. Just as when you see the birdies are trying to break through the overcast. Sinking in the white sheet blankets on a sweather-weather kinda day. Call me a pluviophile because I see the beauty in petrichor, the smell of the earth after rain. All these chemicals stirred up by the weather can carry messages; because I am in love with the rain and its scent. 

Classic books and a cup of tea, and my attraction towards it wouldn't change any less; Lucy Maud Montgomery will forever be the swirling cricket in the diminishing scent. My all time favorite poet, Sir Edgar Allan Poe, the true genius shudders at incompleteness — imperfection — and usually prefers silence to saying the something which is not everything that should be said. Or incandescently Mr.Bennet's possession in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. That's just how I wonder about the world and its beautiful covered mysteries. I've never experienced the permeated feeling whenever I read how another person's mind works. Learning how to not  to blame everything gratuitously and being so judgemental. When did we become so harsh?

As the dim lights crept in a suburban side. The clinging scheme in a boldness of the dark seems like they're owning the world to their own.  How can a person forget their childhood? I used to had mine catching the butterflies, not in the stomach but around the front garden. The butterflies were put in a glass box and I'd observing them all the rest evening. I do remember how my eyes expanding as I crooked a smile to saw a beautiful chrysalis coming out inside the box. And when it came to a time where I really had to let go of my little Anne, because even in a younger age, nature taught us to be sincere.We used to talk in a low voices and running as I said "1...2...3...Peek-a-boo!" and my old flanel shirt was full of chocolate milk stains. But we didn't care at all. Because all we could think is getting new adventures before the sun set. Where in the world I could live without freedom hierarchy when the arches of the ancestors built were all ruined by our generation?

But then again, love comes in different meanings. Maybe this world is too fast to understand.

Just so you know, 
I am in love with the rain and its scent.
And you.

Saturday, June 20, 2015


"I could feel my blood rushing in my veins ever since I did some tense plot every time I leaped and transformed my own to a light gray werewolf in order to fought couple of dhampirs through plots just in front of rectangle-shaped flat board called technology and smartphone."

It started when I decided to jump onto role player world again, I don’t exactly remember the date but it was on 2014… two years after my long-time inactivity after being neglected by being so busy to prepare the national exam. I am not going to tell you those dark times because it’s shameful and full of embarrassing things. I was an active loner solo role player (I said solo player like it was MMORPG lol) until I decided to join one of the western agency with dark conceptual themed. It was because I got no friend on the regular account because people were bored and they finally decided to deactivate and left rpw back then. And because I am pretty much thinking there was any beneficial conversation, like I said it was just a waste of time there. And it felt like I was talking to none but spider-webs scattered all over the timeline.

The agency was Lux Lucis Academy. I knew I’d probably being in danger if one of the members saw this post, you, yes you… you probably will go like “oh so this is the real life of that evil wicked girl I used to have a plot with”. I am… let me just reveal my name, I was Ivory...Ivory Genevieve. I was the girl behind the rude, sarcastic, wicked werewolf. But that’s unimportant, though. So I came up with Isabelle Fuhrman as my visual because she did great when she was being Clove on The Hunger Games, I want people to capture her personalities she had when she acted as Clove. And hell yes I thought I have succeeded being one because some people getting annoyed by my cynical behavior—by me, keep on character and less oot (out of character). I mean, what is wrong with that, it was only a role player world, right? You decide :). It was astonishing being a role player, and also because this agency wrapped in a really neat concept.

Being in this agency had uplifted my view towards unimaginable fantasy things. Like… after reading fantasy, sci-fi genre books I'd probably just ended up to kept it to myself. But since then, I was grateful I finally had someone to share with. I had always thought  that I’d prefer to live in a fake world which has less fake people while the real life is such a contradiction. The sad truth had been told. And the soul inside my body agreed. I could feel my blood rushing in my veins ever since I did some tense plot every time I leaped and transformed my own to a light gray werewolf in order to fought couple of dhampirs through plots just in front of rectangle-shaped flat board called technology and smartphone. Um…it was Twilight and Teen Wolf like actually. No, don’t mention GGS please ugh.

"At the age of 18, she transforms into a werewolf on the event of a new full moon. The choice of her name alludes to her pure-blood werewolf. She is a wolf with light gray fur; known as her intelligence, highly manipulative, and dainty physique. She used to live with her grandmother before she was sent to Lux Lucis Academy, her parents died 3 years after she was born cause by something unexpected which anyone could never tell. You could see the pain by looking through her green eyes. She tends to spend her days in the library or just stay at her dorm rather than walking around."

Just to recall a few things, I was being skeptical towards everyone because I found it challenging in peculiar ways. Every time after school, I've always wanted to tweet, "//plot? anyone?" that line was my kind of amusement to escape from a bunch of deceit truth in life back then. Sooner I've becoming that kind of girl who smirks a lot each time I found something to be smirked at- like an implied victory. They're all good- um no, good is a really ordinary word to describe them- they were amazing. Um no, startlingly impressive is way better. I even keep wondering why they could even write such a breathtakingly plots each time, and I wasted my 30 minutes of thinking what shall I wrote next.

In the deep woods, I was having such a deep argument with a stinky half vampire or dhampir, she was a blonde. Now you know why. No, I am not trying to be racist. I could tell that she was good enough in this smirk game too. She was- inevitable. Everyone likes her. They do. But she was kinda- crossed the rude-limit line. She was far more-rude than you would ever imagine. "If I wanted to kill you, I would've done that." she said. Even if I put it on a scale of rudeness, that'd probably only got 3 out of 10. Rather than that, she could be really sweet- as she was bent over backward just to be nice, that was a hard thing to do.

She was all good. That girl mastered in a long-paragraphs game, she got such an intellectual mind to be brought off everywhere, like every single time you have something to be solved-just ask her right away. She has easily conquered any guy she liked-or girl (I am laughing so hard that I cried). Just kidding. She wasn't that good, I was being excessive towards everything.

It was the three of us. But I don't know why, now it's only the two of us. She was a really great friend, or still. We often stuck in a really deep conversations that I wished I could bring it back right now just to finish the last line I ruined with my incoherently jokes. I cannot stand in seriousness, in the end I will always threw some jokes that came out of nowhere and burst in a laugh of nothing.

She was having her 17th birthday on 31 May, and I honestly-with due respect, I don't remember that it was her birthday. I don't even remember that a dhampir could even have a birthday?! Well, we are so far, that our apparent-friendship-only-connected-by-internet had brought us to today, even though it is not as far as 1718 miles you got there:))) So, as a fast thinker I decided to abandoned your for only 3 days and see how you would react, well...because I couldn't give you any surprises or else, I decided to write you such a long paragraphs because that's the only thing that could make you happy (Because geez no I don't want to send you my childhood pics or cats like the guy you used to talk with right there who could light up your whole day). But... It's turned out far as I had imagined. Because I had 9 days exam and I got no time (-or am I too lazy?) to write such a long paragraph. And here I am... the twentieth of June. I ended up neglected you for more than two weeks. And it's so funny how you will always message me, "Ipo" "Po, you mad?" "What happened", ahahahahha now it makes sense. I honestly disgusted but I was amused at the same time. Well, I am not trying to be sweet. Not at all. I am just in the mood of writing such a long paragraphs. And I am not going to wish you a happy birthday 'cause that'd be old-fashioned. Thank you Tasya for being such a really great friend since whatever, have a great nightmare!

Wednesday, April 01, 2015

Quran 17:37

Bismillahirrahmaniirahim... Salaam!

It has been a while. No...not a while. It has been a long time. I know it is useless to write here because people seem to leaving blog thingy and concern on another thing like instagram because it is way simpler, so no one would read. But you, the one who read this, I have never write important things so you can skip anyway. But if you would, I appreciate! I even wondering why some people would read my kind-of-useless-articles. It doesn't worth your time though. I am missing the old days where I used to spent my whole day in front of the laptop for blogwalkings, yahoo! messaging (because that's the only thing exist that day!), and sitting all the way like a swaggy piece of shez. And now I am 16 and wondering what was I thinking the whole years ago. Shameful. Found out a lot of shame. That I even sacrificing my dignity.

But rather than that, I shouldn't be regretful because if I don't have those kind of past I wouldn't be like I am today. That sometimes I realized that my writing style has been developing...from the uh-so-annoying to well-at-least-i-am-trying-to-be-better. It is funny to think how I have always thinking inside the box those days. Even though I still am. I still am the old Febby but much more realizing-that-i-finally-grew-up-and-have-to-let-go-shameful-things like that. I still am laugh a lot with no reason. I still am the old Febby who eats-a-lot-but-never-get-fat and sleepy-headed almost all the time. I still am the old Febby who you may cannot bear my silly and annoying behaviors. That I still talk nonsense things. I still am the old Febby who spent hours on mmorpg and fps games that sometimes people wouldn't believe that I still do. But I still am being grateful that I finally past some phases all mankind shall pass. But that's the role of life, that finally people will look back to their pasts, laugh at strange things we did, but then being grateful that we are what we are today. If you are still reading this thing, I hope you also did think the same thing.

It is beautiful how Allah arranges our life perfectly long before we were born that it has been written in Lauh Mahfuz to determine our life; but still there are Qada' and Qadar. He arranges it perfectly that if we could see the details we wouldn't ask for anything more but letting it flow like a stream of a river. I am not trying to look more Islamic, but really...if some people really seek and learn more about Islam, you'll be in love that you'll cry. If I have a chance to change my past, it would be me practicing Islam in early years and being grateful every seconds. Well that is two chances but...

Still the case that always been a hot topic since centuries, that some people think that Islam is identical with terrorism. I know I only have superficial knowledge about this thing but I couldn't bear the feel that it hurts the bottom of my heart and of course people out there. I know that I have no rights to write such things, that I still am a sinful servant. I am feeling like I am being hypocritical to write this while I haven't do anything for Islam. While people out there never miss their prayers, dhikr, and spreading love in Islam. While I am here still tied up in the life of hedonism. That I should have practice Islam more than I have always did. It is sad to think, because...if only people realize how beautiful Islam is. That Allah has stated in the Qur'an:

"If anyone killed a person not in retaliation of murder, or (and) to spread mischief in the land - it would be as if he killed all humankind, and if anyone saved a life, it would be as if he save the life of all humankind" The Holy Qur'an 5:32.

Again, I write this doesn't mean I have more knowledge. I am just trying to spread what is tangled in my mind these days. I hope you have a really good day and don't take it too seriously! Byeee :D