Friday, December 30, 2016

The Sky

Hasil gambar untuk the sky tumblr

One day, I met a young girl stood by herself. She looked up at the sky as she traced her hand following the clouds above our heads. Her face was flat; I could see no emotion. But somehow, out of nowhere, I could feel as if she is that one cheerful being. Or maybe she was, I thought.

I kinda approached her, made my way next to her hesitantly. She didn't move a little. I sighed, doing the same thing as her, looking at the sky.

"The sky is always blue, isn't it?" I rambled.



"It's pitch black."


"Pitch black." She looked down, turning her head towards me, "The sky is pitch black. That's why I look at the sky every day."

"I don't get it?"

"I wish I could put all of my thoughts in a jar. I hate the nights where I feel so hollow inside; empty and out of place. Did, it made me happy," she sighed, heavily breathe, "but for some unknown reason, it scares me. That's what crossed my mind the very first second of whatever circumstances lies behind."

"Wow. I don't know. You're very much a talker..."


"A little."

"Good then. I rarely do that."

"I know... but why, me, all of sudden?"

"Do you think I never realized that you've stopped by looking at me probably wondering why this girl out of nowhere staring at the sky since forever?"

"I do. Sorry..." I kept fidgeting, feeling as unsure as I may seem, "..if I bother you."

"Not at all." I stared, not sure what she was talking about. "I've been waiting too."

"Waiting?" I asked as she nodded her head, smiling by her heart.


"I am all ears." I was trying to convince her.

"It's not the right time for you to know," she smiled, "see you."

I frowned and froze. The time suddenly stopped for a few seconds and I still couldn't get whatever she was saying. That long words she said in the beginning, it shocked me somehow. It was too much for my mind to process. Whatever she might be thinking; whatever intention she had when she said that to me, or perhaps nothing at all. It was good to know, anyway...

Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction.

Saturday, October 08, 2016

OPSI 2016 Experience: Unexpected

*Take a deep breath* It has been awhile...I guess. Time flies so fast that it's October already. It has been pretty hectic at school, since I am a last year student already. It means next year I'll have a national exam and college entrance exam and bunch of other language exams I volunteered to take because languages are lyffff. So people how are y'all? Life is interesting indeed! It contains unexpectable ups and downs. Today I'd like to share my personal experiences after I got the chance to experience another research competition with a bunch of amazing people this year! Yes, proud of  being an Indonesian. Well, I just hope that no one scolds me for writing this in English and called me sok inggris or sok apa whatsoever or being a grammar nazi while I was talking about my pride as being Indonesian. Does speaking in English to show the world that you’re proud of being the people of your country considered as a betrayer? un-nationalist?

Thursday, 22nd September 2016, second-last day of mid-term exam.
I threw my body on the couch as soon as I arrived at home. I don’t remember the exact time, but the long needle was pointing to number five when I reached my phone to check the notifications and calls. My friend, a research partner—Dinda, sent me a text message “Feb, gatau harus bersyukur apa gimana. LOLOS OPSI FEB-___- (Feb, I don’t know whether I should be grateful or what. QUALIFIED ON OPSI FEB-___- *terjemahan ngawur hehe*)”. And I was like...what the heck is opsi. There was silence. ...Five minutes later, I found myself running and jumping unconsciously in the living room while I still am holding the phone in my hand, half awake.

“What even? Are you going crazy?” “OPSI mah!!@#!$” In which my mom has zero idea what OPSI is. So do I. Truth is, I’ve never thought about research ever again, honestly, for my focus was on languages these months. I don’t even think that we will make it through it since we thought it was over since last month so probably we just didn’t make it. BUT MIRACLE HAPPENS. I mean...Allah’s will!

There was one more team from my school, so it will be the four of us. So we contacted our school’s counselor, fix this fix that, check documents and that. In Saturday we were told that there will be a counseling/TC as DIY team for four days from Monday to Thursday. Friday will be the only free day, in which in that day we will pack stuff and make sure we didn’t miss any single thing. And at Saturday, we will go to Jakarta by train. We stayed in Jakarta for 5 days. It means...I am off from school for two weeks! I really don't know whether I should be happy or sad.

Monday, 26th September 2016 - Thursday, 29th September 2016 (Intel Galileo Board Project and TC OPSI)
We went to the Department of Education in Yogyakarta at 8 am until 4 pm to participate in Intel Galileo Board Project in which we were explained on how to use the new Intel Galileo Motherboard type Arduino Uno. Honestly, I learned basic C language last year, but I still have no idea about programming. Human language is easier for my slow brain T_T. And I thought it was dope! Though in the end, I can't even try it since it doesn't support Windows 8.1 to run the program. At last, I learned a lot of things and it was a whole new experience for me.

At 4 pm, we continued to Hotel Cailendra to participate in TC which took 4 days in a row to prepare OPSI 2016 as DIY team. We were one of the teams who didn't make it to Klinik Sains (don't know how to explain this), so we felt pretty...left behind as we know no one. It was a really tiring four days. Pretty depressing and worth to remember. It takes a lot of  energy as I felt really drained out that I whined a lot these days.

Me and Dinda always been crazy and starving and sleepy the whole time. We were drained out. As we can't work in the middle of people, so we isolated and locked ourselves in the room while we were doing our work. I remember it was midnight in the third day that we were soooo starving, so we decided to go out with a motorcycle and drove to the nearest supermarket to buy instant noodles and ramen. We knocked the bapak-bapak room a.k.a security to open the pantry's door...because we desperately want to eat ramen. AND WE MADE IT. It was the best feeling ever to eat ramen when you're so depressed of realizing that your expectation contradicts the reality. whoOOa. Hella cool line, ain't it?!

These four days...I was tired. Physically. And mentally. What I learned was that when you're depressed, all you need is ramen. Haha, no. I learned a lot of knowledge about research and other valuable things (though the ramen theory is included). And in those days, we suddenly remember how we really miss our Namche's Mas Zak, Mas Rizqi, Mbak Dewi, Mas Afif, Mbak Tika, Mas Bagas, Mbak Fiesha. They told us so much more than that last year. No offense. Please be offended. It has been a long time, hasn't it?

- I wrote this in the train on my way to Jogjakarta. I am so gabut alias gaji buta alias don't know what should I do. hehe.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Pondering Over Al Qur'an

Ø£َفَلَا يَتَدَبَّرُونَ الْقُرْآنَ Ø£َمْ عَلَىٰ قُلُوبٍ Ø£َقْفَالُهَا

“Will they not then ponder the Qur’an or are there locks upon their hearts?”[Muhammad, 47:24]


Dear brothers and sisters, how many times do we complain in a day? How many times are we blaming the conditions we have in life? How often are we blaming our condition and being ungrateful of it? 

How many times we dedicated our times for Allah and pondering over Al Quran over 86.400 seconds He gave every day? Perhaps if we are able to see the size of the blessing coming, we will understand the magnitude of the battle we are fighting. But even if He allows us to see it, do you think we are able to deal with it? 

كِتَابٌ Ø£َنْزَلْنَاهُ Ø¥ِلَيْكَ مُبَارَكٌ لِيَدَّبَّرُوا آيَاتِهِ وَلِيَتَØ°َكَّرَ Ø£ُولُو الْØ£َلْبَابِ
“It is a Book We have sent down to you, full of blessing, so let people of intelligence ponder (liyaddabbaru) its Signs and take heed.” [Saad, 38:29]
But, Mashallah..have you ever wondered? What if it was us, the ones who were talked about in this verse. Mashallah brother and sister, how ungrateful we had been... (read this...)

Dear brothers and sisters, let's look in ourselves...
are there locks, 

upon our hearts? 

Friday, August 19, 2016

Trust Issues

I have a lot of trust issues. Every time I tried to trust people in the past, I've been let down, and now I thought it is easier and less painful to just rely on myself. I have always tried my best to see the good in others and expecting every single person in the world have a good intention. I've never thought that there is some evil in people (unless they have problems with their psychology or something). I've always believed that most people are good, and the pure evil ones only make up less than 2% in the world. 

I was really sure until I finally in this point where I questioned my own paradigms. Was I wrong? For expecting such thing from people? Do I really worth the trust..or am I just easy to be fooled at? Do people really broke their trust...or was I just disappointed? Was it only me...who assume the worst before it happened? Was it my fault..or was it, theirs? Do I really have trust issues...or was I just trying to avoid the pain? 

Even if I knew the answer, does it really matter? Does it really worth it?

And I've learned the hard way that never rely on anyone,

فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ Ø¥ِنَّكَ عَلَى الْØ­َقِّ الْمُبِينِ
"So, rely upon Allah; indeed, you are upon the clear truth." Qur'an 27:79

وَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ وَكِيلًا
"And rely upon Allah, and Sufficient is Allah as Disposer of Affairs." Qur'an 33:3

And I am sorry to you...
And I ask for Allah's forgiveness.
That if I have a lot of mistakes, as I don't have the same pure heart as yours. Dear brothers and sisters, keep me in your prayer and I will keep you in my prayers, and if I did something wrong, please keep the ummah in our prayers...and ask for His guidance to keep us on the right path. To give us a sincere heart to forgive people. Ask Him to lift whatever our hearts.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016


It was nothing like sunbeam,
or a thick forest green
Not even a deep crystal clear blue,
in those sparks still glow
It was a pure and innocent all analyst couldn't care less
One thing I know that I was lost
Ought to be carried off by uncertain
Letting it in and being unaware of consequences
Lost in a world of a beautiful scene

Maybe I write too much outlandish poems
or read too many books
Where I find pleasure in string words
Spending hours pairing rhymes
To embrace my fictional world
into sentences that I don't even understand
But one thing that I know too well
In between transparent wave they've told me
That the seas and the forests envied you
For the world reflected inside yours
is not the world we used to know

Nobody ever bothered to tell you
They are hickory against deep mud oak
And when it meets sunlight they beam
Two perfect orbs the same shade as nature after it rains
burning with the light of a thousand suns
Bewitched in between my souls
Persuaded in matrimony,
beholding as I was going away
Don't think it was too much, it was just a metaphor
Just a little to believe in realism, soon be drenched away

What do I know of bone-deep lonely, 
of the beautiful freeze, 
of a running circuit through the stars 
until all landmarks are my own staring eyes
Or maybe I am scientist, 
staring deep through a telescope
Convex lens collects light and focuses it
into a distant galaxy 
that has not had the chance, 
to be named

And perhaps you should know,
in between uncertain lines somehow I wished
that I still do


Saturday, August 13, 2016

My 7 Favorite Japanese Youtubers: How I Learned Japanese in a Fun Way!

I've been learning Japanese for almost a year and I still am not fluent yet (anyone could you please tell me how it is done pls?!). My kanji writing, especially, is still soooo poor. Remembering strokes and its onyomi & kunyomi are like the hardest challenge in learning Japanese (well, even though I love kanjis!!). So does my speaking. Self-studying is difficult, I admit. But it's fun and enjoyable as long as you spend your time in a fun way. I've always been a fan of Youtubers and I watched Japanese and Korean youtubers to help me learn those languages, and today I would like to share my 7 favorite Japanese Youtubers!!!! Well, some are non-Japanese but they speak Japanese and live in Japan as well. So, here it is:


Hannah is my first non-Japanese-who-learns-Japanese Youtubers who I discovered loooong time ago before I discover another Japanese Youtubers. And I am grateful that I found her channel! I keeping up with her videos from the very start when she speaks very basic Japanese (in which that time I didn't understand any single word!) and now she speaks veryveryvery fluently! She even got into a newspaper for getting the highest score on Japanese exam. The thing is...she self-studied!! She is a British (I love British accent! wingardium leviosar.................) but she also speaks German, French, Latin and Dutch. Which is amazing. Now she is an Oxford student majoring in Japanese language if I am not mistaken. She inspired me so much!


Mimei comes from New Zealand and she went to Japan in 2009 to study, I guess. She is a wife of Duncan (see below) and a mother of two little scottish fold rascals, Cinnamon and Latte! My favorite videos are her collaboration with Mahoto-chan as they are just so adorable!! I recommend you to watch the Interviewing Youtuber series and basically just watch. All. Of. Them. Oh and I really loveeee her hair.

I discovered Duncan a.k.a PDRさん after watching Mimei's channel and it showed up in my recommended videos bar. I was shocked to know that they are married already! His videos are mainly nonsense jokes but so funny (some are pretty rude and harsh and disgusting and contains a lot of dirty jokes but yeah). But he is so creative and actually just weird after all, but his weirdness is goldddddd. And I love it that way! Anyway, Mimei and Duncan have another channel for both of them -> BACOUPLE. (Relationship jokes goal?) lol


Hajime's videos are basically wasting everything and talking so fast without spaces. He is a real nihonjin a.k.a Japanese. One time he bought tons of coca colas and mentos and poured it all in a bath tub, wanted to know whether it will explode or not (I was hoping I could see that scene though it didn't happen lol). And the other time he bought clays or just doing whatever he likes. I first discovered him from Mimei's channel too, where she interviewed Youtubers and there comes out this creature who makes me laugh even in the very first introduction. 

DoudemoMIRA a.k.a Kanadajin3 (her English channel), basically also a non-Japanese Youtuber but she lived in Japan. I don't know her much as I am not often watch her videos. But she likes to express her opinions toward issues in Japan and her daily life. I love her accent idk why it sounds so cute and unique and she is so kawaii!

He is a real Japanese also!! His videos are just as weird as PDRさん, Mimei, and Hajime. Omg their circles. So nonsense and weird, but...I managed to watch the videos till the end (what did I do with my life). At least he is so cute and he got dimples when he smiles #uhwhat. He often showed up in Mimei and Duncan's channel, you should watch him speaking engrishu!!

She is also a non-Japanese Youtubers........I just realized that most of the Youtubers I recommend are basically foreigners?! Hahaha okay. I enjoyed her videos, and she shares a lot of information. I just realized that she hanged out with Mimei lately!

Actually I still have a long list of Japanese Youtubers such as Micaela ミカエラくまみき/Kumamikiバイリンガール英会話 | Bilingirl Chika, HIKAKIN, and many more. But, they are my favorite (and basically just comes out from the same circle xD)
So, what do you guys think about them? ^^

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Welcoming August

It had been two weeks since school started on June 18th. Now, I am on my last year in high school, twelfth grade. I really don't have any idea of what should I write now, so I am just gonna tell you some random things like I always did. Hahahahhahahaha. I know, sorry. Anyway, for anyone who asked me about what are my future plans, as I am a twelfth grader now, sorry that I prefer to keep it to myself (and some closest friends) because I feel comfortable that way. And I think it's not really that important for you to know as it won't significant for you. Why and what would you like to know anyway? I wonder.

OH! I didn't post on July...I forgot. Happy Eid Mubarak for everyone!! So sorry that I didn't post anything Islamic related, something that I should've did.... I was so busy having quality time with my family in Jakarta, and I also met my main biatch for the very first time. Errr nah...not gonna tell you anything about this today. I miss you guys soooooo soo much. I forgot what happened in the past weeks. Gotta recall some more. I am so sad that Ramadhan passed quickly that I felt as if I wasted so much time. I prayed that Allah will give me another chance to live in the next next nexttttt Ramadhan with all of you. I love you guys so much.

It's a lie.


I started a new journal lately and I am so happy about it that I felt as if it gives such powers to keep me motivated. I love it so much that its covers are in tiffany blue and maroon. The papers are kraft paper if I am not mistaken, and I can use watercolors as it is pretty thick. I am planning to show you, but I am too lazy to take photographs. Maybe later. I said maybe. I've also been reading quite some books lately, not so many that you still can't consider me as a book nerd yet. I've also been planning to write book reviews to keep me remember what I just read...planning...but ya know. 

*walks away as I sniffing books*

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Thoughts on Pride & Prejudice: why is it needed to blame Mr. Darcy's manner

Things shall not perish in a period of time unless we know the reason why. If I ever had a chance to sue anyone in this world, either fictional or real, I thought it would be a pleasure for me to sue our daringly charming Mr. Darcy from Pemberley. For he is responsible for my outlast decision and consideration in high expectations towards men, ever in the universe. Mr. Darcy is a perfect portrait of an ideal man any women would die for, well at least for those who understand this, or just me. Whatever. Unlike the others, he tends to stick in his own mind and personal principles rather than usual men we found in everyday life. Recently. Though.

“I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding— certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.” 

I am falling in love with the words classic authors had invented, something that I would never find in modern books nowadays. I have always been admiring Jane Austen, as she is one of my favorite classic author along with L.M Montgomery and Hans Christian, for their books and beautiful poetic lines. Not until I had finished the series of beautiful unspoken love for the sake of pride and out willingly to sense each other's attraction in demeanor manner. It was rather difficult to choose something in between keeping the pride or losing it for awhile and left the guilt for years. Sometimes we even caught up in such moment where our prejudice is worth even more than anything we could ever ask. Not even in people's perception, whom I supposed to know nothing but daresay to speak up their unresponsible opinion, or perhaps... nonsenseUnfortunately to say that there is least people who are concerning in this issue. But rather the feeling of astonishing young ladies' deliberated minds in Georgian era still fascinated me the most. Very well-mannered in every aspects. 

I was watching Pride and Prejudice and I came across into a reasoning in which made my head spinning around. Terribly. Well, probably because of my obsession towards Mr. Darcy for his intelligence and gentlemanlike manner. As sophisticated as he is. What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant? As a brother, a landlord, a master, she considered how many people's happiness were in his guardianship!—how much of pleasure or pain was it in his power to bestow!—how much of good or evil must be done by him! Every idea that had been brought forward by the housekeeper was favourable to his character. Lucky Lizzie.

For he is, all anyone ever wants. Cold-headed, stubborn, efficient, and calm in crisis. In intellectual competence, in addition to other varying degrees of competence (wealth, humour, beauty, etc), and thus declares his love for you in an incredibly awkward manner. He doesn’t know how to express himself, and that’s endearing. And of course, lovely accent. Ardently. Doesn't he?

Or, again, it was just me who feel that way?

Monday, June 20, 2016


Photographer Yutaka Katayama documents the cats that inhabit the ancient Japanese city of Kyoto.
(Photo: Yutaka Katayama)
四か月後、私は少し日本語をできます。私はどこでも日本語話せるようにしようしています。私は食べるとき、学校でとき、家でとき、バスでとき、といろいろときは日本語勉強しています。私の友達は「あなたは日本語を話す停止することができませんか?日本語分かりません!」と言いました。家で私が何かを言ったときに、私の両親は 「何ですか??」と言いました。多分私はたくさんのことを言いました。

#NewMyBlueBird: Pesan Taksi Lebih Gampang!

"My Blue Bird,
agar perjalananmu makin aman dan nyaman!"

Dengan semakin berkembangnya era globalisasi dan teknologi, semakin banyak perkembangan yang dilakukan untuk memudahkan kegiatan manusia hanya melalui genggaman tangan. Saat ini, smartphone sudah tidak hanya digunakan sebagai sarana komunikasi untuk telepon, sms, ataupun sosial media. Namun, dengan smartphone kita bisa memesan makanan, grocery-shopping, online shopping, bahkan untuk memesan sarana transportasi! Setiap hari kita tidak bisa lepas dengan yang namanya transportasi, entah untuk pergi ke kantor, sekolah, dan tempat-tempat lain. Transportasi umum kini menjadi salah satu pilihan yang mulai dilirik dan digemari masyarakat Indonesia. Alasannya bermacam-macam, ada yang memilih transportasi umum dengan alasan untuk mengurangi kemacetan, harga yang terjangkau, hingga kenyamanan di transportasi umum.

Semakin populernya transportasi di tengah masyarakat Indonesia, perusahaan-perusahaan transportasi semakin gencar melakukan upgrading untuk meningkatkan kenyamanan pelanggan dalam bertransportasi. Salah satunya adalah Blue Bird Group yang melakukan inovasi dengan meluncurkan sebuah aplikasi pemesanan taksi yang dinamakan My Blue Bird. Armada taksi biru ini terkenal dengan pelayanan yang berkualitas tinggi dalam melakukan mobilitas dari satu tempat ke tempat yang lain. Untuk menjaga kepercayaan pelanggan, Blue Bird selalu mengupgrade pelayanan-pelayanannya untuk meningkatkan kenyamanan dan memanjakan pelanggan. Selama saya menjadi pelanggan Blue Bird, saya belum pernah mengalami kejadian yang tidak mengenakkan, justru saya sangat puas dengan pelayanan yang diberikan. Bahkan beberapa kali naik taksi Blue Bird saya belajar banyak dari percakapan dengan driver.

Blue Bird merilis aplikasi berbasi Taxi Mobile Reservation pada  tahun 2011, kemudian Blue Bird mulai mengembangkan aplikasi My Blue Bird pada bulan Desember 2015. Aplikasi Blue Bird ini sudah dirilis dan saat ini dapat diakses di 6 kota besar di Indonesia, yaitu: Jakarta, Semarang, Medan, Bali, Surabaya, dan Bandung. Dulu, kalau mau pesan taksi harus menelepon customer service Blue Bird ke (0274) 641 1234. Nah, kalau sekarang pemesanan taksi jadi lebih mudah karena adanya aplikasi My Blue Bird! Karena integritasnya yang tinggi, baru-baru ini Blue Bird menambahkan 6 Fitur Baru lho, tentunya agar perjalananmu makin nyaman dan aman!
Apa saja fiturnya? Mari kita simak!

Tuesday, June 07, 2016


Image result for cat tumblr




Tuesday, April 12, 2016

[Day 7] What is the hardest thing I've ever experienced

"I thought the hardest thing in life is about going through pain and heartbreak, when people started to say 'you can't forget your first love', then why do people forget their parents?"

I was pretty confused because...I don't know what is the hardest thing I've ever experienced. I am not even experienced yet. I never see something as a burden to me. There is always ups and downs and life, and that's just how life is. People said the biggest challenge in life is marriage. I haven't experienced it yet, and I don't know if my experiences are enough to call me experienced. As a 17 years old who knows nothing about the world and have zero experience in life, I'll try to sort it out.

I thought the hardest thing in life is surviving for school, but it's not as hard as the homeless who survived on the road every day. I thought the hardest thing in life is choosing a restaurant to eat, but there are still unlucky people who don't know whether they will eat or not tomorrow. Survive from school is not that vital. I thought the hardest thing in life is saying hello and goodbye, but it's much better than never try to make a move. I thought the hardest thing in life is choosing to risk it all or walk away. I thought the hardest thing in life is deciding whether to give up or just try harder. I thought the hardest thing in life is pretending, but I am doing it quite well.

I thought the hardest thing in life is loving ourselves, but loving Allah and His messenger need a pure and sincere heart. I thought the hardest thing in life is the disappointment of failing on exams, but it is not as big as the disappointment of the parents who sees their kids leaving them as they grow up. I thought the hardest thing in life is about going through pain and heartbreak, when people started to say you can't forget your first love, then why do people forget their parents? I am feeling so guilty for my parents, I've never been good doing my job as a daughter. 

There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. I think these are the major thing to perceive the meaning of life. Whether something is hard or easy, it depends on how people see it. Well, back to it again, everything in life always depended on our choice. To love or not to love, to care or not to care, to give or not to give, and the list goes on. Just remember one thing, no matter how hard life gets, Allah will make everything beautiful at the right place and the right time. 

Monday, April 11, 2016

[Day 6] How I come across Blogspot and how my life has changed since joining

"I know, that someday I'll laugh at this posts and feel stupid after all. But, I just want to create the best memories I can. I want to remind myself, that through the hard times in life, we should always share happiness and joy within ourselves."

Okay so let's just forget about how many days I skipped, I'll just get going with the challenge~^^;;;
Warning! It's gonna be a long post!

I started blogging since I was in grade 6 in elementary school, that was the moment when I've always nagged my mom and dad to give me my personal email account and sign me up for facebook which most of my friends already had. My parents said I couldn't have it yet because my age was still under the minimum requirement and I keep asking for it by saying, "my friends already have it, why can't I?". Internet was new thing these days and parents were aware of this issue, you know child kidnapping and etc. Some of them even made one without telling their parents. I don't even know why am I even feeling so scared to break the rules, the fact that I've never felt under pressure, they never mad or screamed at me.

So when my friends are talking about what was happening on facebook and etc how the post on each other walls and stuff (now it sounds ridiculous, why do I even nagged for it), I just keep listening and "whoa." while my parents keep saying no so I thought, well maybe it's just not this time. I've never tried to break the rules, I was kinda obedient these days. Like most children, who has not even through puberty yet, I've always curious about everything and I just want to try everrrrrything. And there comes a day when my mother gave me one, and the rule is she must know everything that I do on the internet. I didn't know why back then and I just agreed since my mind already conceiving new things I'll discover soon. Well, I just realized that everything they did for me was for good and my safety. I don't know if internet can be this harmful and useful at the same time, it depends.

The url never changed since the very first day, it's still the same. I remember the first blog layout was magenta pink and titled "Febby's world" (uh-huh what). Ok, my world. And I felt as if I have my new own space to pour my thoughts about everything. I used to write short stories and personal experiences (I still do). I made friends with those who were crazy over HSM (High School Musical)!! HSM was so lit and our forever otp was Troy and Gabriella and that's it! My blogger friends; Eno, who is my chairmate and my crazy-over-hsm-and-astronomy friend since elementary school; Mbak Keisha Lyubiana (and Katya, Astrid, Amel if you still remember me!), I nearly choked when re-read our decent emails about hsm and blogger things; Athaya Syafadira, who is always been an amazing person! I always envied you because you've travelled in a lot of places! Hehe; Margaretha Lie, I don't know if you still remember me, you are famous now and have grown to be a veryyy beautiful and stylish person! If you remember how decent you was in our emeil conversation, I also really enjoyed different religion kind of conversation back then; and my childhood internet friends whom I cannot mention one by one. I love you guys, a lot!

Then I stopped blogging for one or two years because I just don't know what to post anymore. And I came back after a few years decided to do something else started by changed its title to "A Hot Marshmallow" and a few changes for the background and widgets. The title, I don't have any idea why I picked that hot marshmallow whatsoever, I think I was just inspired by Diana Rikasari's hot chocolate and mint. I started to blog with my very poor English ability, to improve my English and self-improvement. I really adore Evita Nuh! Her English and French ability, her sense towards fashion, her personal life basically, and her everything that she accomplished at such a young age; 12 years old! I achieved nothing when I was her age, she is even one year younger than me. She inspired me a lot and I thought I  should do that too!

I also joined a lot of blog giveaways after I found out Kak Elsa and Dija's blog! I joined my very first giveaway held by Kak Elsa, and I won! I won it and be the youngest participant, I was sooo happy. The giveaway was to write a letter for Dija, so that she can read it in the future, when she turns 17. Kak Elsa is really sweet and amazing person!! Hahaha, and now Dija has grown sooo beautiful as always. And there came a time when I suddenly get a few proposals for endorsements and sponsorship for this blog, I've never imagined it before. My first giveaway was sponsored by one of the international glasses company, it wasn't that big but I felt so content to finally held a giveaway. This experiences taught me a lot on how to negotiate for a quite long time with a company from another country before we finally deal with each other's agreement. I had no experience on how to negotiate, nor to write formal emails, with my very basic English understanding. I barely remember what I did.

I don't remember exactly when did I changed the title to Amortentia, I was inspired by the potions in Harry Potter and I thought it sounds cool. So I made a few changes again. I am feeling like my English has gotten better, not good, just better. And until now, I am still keeping up with my main goal, self-improvement. Now, this is also a place for me to share whatever is going on in my life, my random thoughts, Islamic related things, and also to practice my language skills other than English. I know, that someday I'll laugh at this posts and feel stupid after all. But, I just want to create the best memories I can. I want to remind myself, that through the hard times in life, we should always share happiness and joy within ourselves.

Through the stop and continue in blogging. At times, I am feeling like "well, no one would read this anyway", but I don't really care because I just love to write and my main goal still is a self-improvement on the first place!  I often reviewed my previous post, I laughed every time I re-read those childhood memories and old posts. How I was thinking my English was quite good, but the reality is I don't go anywhere (esp the post in 2013-less!). What a pity. I nearly cried (for laughing) to read my old posts. But, I don't regret it at all. No matter how many mistakes I made with the grammar or the content itself, my very basic knowledge towards everything, I am happy that I had gotten this awareness in such a fairly young age.

Friday, April 08, 2016

[Day 5] How important I think education is

Education is SO important like...even if it is so hard, you know the struggle, sacrifices, and the minutes to hours to years we spend our time in it People really should educate themselves. For their own sake. For everyone sake. For this generation sake. I wasn't talking about the education system, because honestly...sorry to say, it is such a crap nowadays. I don't even have to mention it, people would agree (except to some countries which their education system are superb, hands down). I have no idea, how schooling really works. So basically, we get to kindergarten at the age of 6 or 7 (you might also experience playground stage earlier) and then elementary school for 6 years and every student just progress to junior high school to high school and then the so-called-though-university life.

I don't know if this education system really works, where we are educated to...memorize? rather than to learn. I mean, we can see...that, somehow, this kind of system creates a generation of cheater because our education system values grade more than honesty, integrity, and the value of learning itself. Even though it is actually their own choice whether they choose to "cheat and get a great result which is basically not their right" or "do the best and just whatever with the result". Both, have impacts in short and long terms. The first type might get satisfied and enjoy the short term moments where they don't have to worry to do remidials, and the second know. And in long terms, I don't want to guess and make a stereotype for people like that, but...the second type might value honesty even more, therefore, we need this kind of people to lead the world. Well, it doesn't rule out of the possibilities that there is fate and people can change and repent. But both actions, carved people's character, with or without them realize it. Anyway, there is no harm in repeating good thing, so why bother?

And by the importance of education itself means the urge of seeking for knowledge. Even Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "The seeking of knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim." - Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 74. Mashaallah! I always keep it to myself...whenever and from whoever I seek for the knowledge, I always remind myself that knowledge should keep me humble. We should seek for knowledge not to point out that other people are wrong so we can judge them easily, it doesn't mean we can say a bad thing to others because we think we are better than them. Who are you to judge? The more knowledge we have, the more humble we should be. Instead, we are becoming judgemental. (I remember I heard it from the lecture of Nouman Ali Khan, he really is an inspiration, may Allah bless him). Judgemental can lead you to be arrogance and ignorance, how terrible will that be?

Anyway, I've always wanted to share this video I found in YouTube made by a youtuber, his most viral video was about "The Meaning of Life", you should check that too. I would be very happy if you want to watch this! :) Remember, keep educating yourself and leave what the media says.

Thursday, April 07, 2016

[Day 4] My middle name and how I feel about it

ok so literally i just skipped 7 days of this 30-day-blogging challenge...
posting a post every single day is a hard thing to do. geez, seriously.

Whenever I told my middle name as my nickname in demand, I got these reactions...

"your name is beautiful." "can i have your name?" "aurora, like...the princess?" "i love your name" "your name sounds better" "holy shit you have a cool name" or even something like this, "when i was 7, i used to ask my mom to change my name to aurora" and I was like, really?

I honestly really adore my middle name over my surname and last name (sorry guys but middle name wins). I often asked my mom and dad about the meaning of my name and they're never really sure about it. I once asked my mom about my name and she was like,

"go ask your dad, he really wants that name for the first daughter. I don't know." so I was pretty happy that day and decided to ask dad and he was like, "me neither.".

I mean yeah probably they just made it up like, "ah right maybe t goes better with this" "nah this name fits." "what's the whole meaning actually?" "i don't know.".

Ok, I am so done with this. I also really love it because it sounds or aw-roar-uh or whatever. And also because it is close with the word "Auror" as in Harry Potter which is an elite group of witches and wizards, loyal to the Ministry of Magic (Harry and Ron are Auror!) so I am feeling like "y'all right imma have a cool name"

Trying to find the answer but ended up with nothing, I decided to look it up to our fairy godmother nowadays, Google. I was stuck within a moment and thinking, well done...hand clapping for my own self to honor my own self (lol I just self-praising). The description of aurora, Aurora borealis and australis to be precise, quite made me feel a bit overwhelming. But for my opinion, I think it is enchanting, stunning, and...regal? Smh.

Ah~! I remembered, back to the old days when I was in kindergarten, my favorite natural phenomenon was the magical magnetic-phenomenon-whatsoever-something-happens-upper-the-atmosphere, the aurora. My favorite princess among the Disney princesses was princess Aurora too. Both are simply because we share a same name and I thought it was cool. Both the electrical phenomenon and the disney princess are gorgeously beautiful and it always got me thinking, when will I get the beauty too? Feels unfair how they got that easily while I have to work for it. kkk just kidding. Well, one thing is true about it middle name is Aurora and I sleep like Princess Aurora...except, I don't sleep beautifully. I get sleepy most of the time and I really like to take a nap and sleep and sleep. And I do this.

netflix and chill (ain't got netflix 'cause no money to pay bills)

 And instead, I woke up like this.
 ok sorry if this thing scared you. 

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

[Day 3] Your Top 5 Pet Peeves

Assuming that anyone who has different opinion or belief is stupid. I don't get it why some people can't respect other people's opinions, whether it is their belief and views toward any matters. Close-mindedly thinking that their opinion is the truest and cannot be turned down. I think it is such a big turn-off.

People who try to make conversations when I am reading and/or listening music/whatever with earphones on. It really gets on my nerves. When someone assumes that when we are reading a book that we are "doing nothing" and therefore can be interrupted, repeatedly. Sometimes all I need is solitude and locked myself from the real life with my favorite books and drowns to a fantasy without worrying about anything else. It is my own way for self-loving, and I need that in life. Some other time, I just don't want to talk with anyone. 

People who finds everything to complain about. Those who blame anything but themselves for their own failure. Well, I do complain about a lot of things too, but I am trying as hard to finish and deal with it as soon as I get my mood back. At least I tried.

People that simply cannot take their trash to the trash bin in places. Littering everywhere or throwing paper trash or whatever it is through your car window. Or throw their empty bottles or cans to everywhere they like (and inside pots) and never felt guilty of it.

Smoking in public area. I really cannot stand smoke, especially cigarettes. And people who do this in public, while they're driving, or talk. And their breath smells like cigarettes. Or they smoke in public and the smoke goes everywhere all over people's face and they keep suck it, though you realized that people around them are closing their nose and gazed at them. Even if their clothes smells like cigarettes. Seriously?

That's my top 5 pet peeves (I wish I could add more) and that's really...really annoying, not only for me but also other people. So, what are your pet peeves?

Monday, March 28, 2016

[Day 2] Stuff I am not good at (and that's ok)

Stuff I am not good at means...basically, my weaknesses? There's sooooo many things I am not good at and sometimes I am feeling like extra-useless and be like "did you forget your promises for self-improvements?!". I'll be like rushing to do this and that and the next day I be like, "catch up later.", or "nah, just, not now.", "it's raining. my blankets are missing me. i knew it." and goes to "what a lovely sunny day, i'd rather go to sleep." and bunch of lines like that. 

To not being lazy is like the hardest game ever, I know it's everyone's major problem, maybe the 97% of the world's population. The rest 3% are just super rare and unique and congratulations you guys are so lucky can I be you!? 

Seeing someone else is crying, I'll cry too without any specific reason in all of sudden. Somebody, could you please explain me why and please tell my eyes to stop pouring salty-waters just by seeing others cry.

Eat a lot and gain weight. I am that type of people who eats like an elephant but my body keeps looking like a peppero or pocky stick. You're welcome. (I want to gain at least 5 kgs more but it's so hard for the sake of healthiness)

Staying clean and tidy, this. This, I TRY SO HARD TBH. I might have cleaned it on a day with all the energy and all might I have left, but the next day it will come back again to a super chaos. A wrecked ship and stuff. Clothes, bread crumbs, water bottle are everywhere. Books and paper are scattering all over the floor. And my mom be yelling, "why no one help me" and "we don't raise you to create a titanic honey"

I am not good at doing just one thing. It's hard to just focus on one thing. Multi-task. I like multitasking and I read on certain sources from the internet that it's not good to multitasking, doing one thing at a time is much much better to keep yourself on track, they said. 

Being on time. I like to endure and this is where most of the problems lie. Time-management is like the most crucial thing in the world and I am trying so hard at this but whyyyy myself why

Of all the things I am not good at, living in the real world is perhaps the most understanding. And really, people, we should stop spending our time wondering why we're not good enough. Everyone have the things they're not good at, and that's okay! ^^

Sunday, March 27, 2016

[Day 1] The Difference Between My Personal and Internet Self

Honestly, I've never thought about it; the difference between my personal and internet self? Wouldn't it be just the same? I am the same person to the person I am on the internet, am I? Thinking that I might be wrong for these thoughts in the first place, I realized that our personal and internet self is likely to have huge differences. Yes, it does.

For this post, I decided to take the famous psychology personality test by Carl Jung and Briggs Myers today, again (Click this link if you want to know yours!). The result is I am an INFJ. The INFJs are sometimes mistaken as an extrovert because we appeared so outgoing and enjoying the accompany of other people. But honestly, it's just the opposite, we are true introverts and rather to spend our time alone. I do. Tranquility and solitude enthusiasts. You know, we are daydreamers.

I honestly, like super honest, I love being alone and I hate being around people and crowds, although I am noisy and speaks a lot. I don't know, I am not quite sure about that too...maybe I am an extrovert? It is also stated that, "Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills." wHOA. I don't know but this is so true. I basically...I hardly say things verbally but I am feeling like I am quite good or better if I write it down, compose words between spaces for numerous times on daily basis. I always interested in depth, everything with such deep meanings, whatever it is. I love linguistics and various kind of knowledge, maybe that's why I love languages. Languages are like super aesthetic and attractive. Don't you think so?

To distinguish my personal and internet self...I honestly don't know how should I write about it, I, myself, it's hard to distinguish them. But maybe like I said, maybe, sometimes people misunderstood me for being an extrovert. Or I don't know. Some people also didn't understand my personal deeply held principles. And you know things we treat some things differently or my views toward particular things like religion, knowledge, society, commitment, love, education, and life itself.

Everyone are free to choose and determine their life principles, so why bother forcing other people to use your principles? I mean, just deal with it. And things like, idk, I also use the sarcasm language a lot too. I am not cool and not smart-headed, but I like learning and enjoy its process. I perhaps seemed like good at languages, but tbh I am not fluent, I am just currently working on it. They said, "Fake it 'till you become it.", so I fake it and perhaps I'll become it. That's my way for self-improvement. I sometimes being insecure on how people might have been disappointed by me, because I am not the person they expected me to be, and things like that. I also really envy those people in such young ages like in their early 11-17s, or way younger than that, they already invented remarkable and amazing inventions. The young researchers. Also, the young hafiz-hafizah (people who memorized the qur'an), mashaallah. And I thought, what have I gained during my 17 years on earth? Why am I wasting my precious time?! etc. I get insecure all the time. We are all the same, and I think most people already experienced it too, so did the elders and etc.

Whatever we are in both real and internet self, just go through it. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase. It's just a phase, a metaphor.

Friday, March 11, 2016

30-Day Blogging Challenge!

Recently I just deleted some of social media one by one, you might realize that there is only my e-mail on contact section, I am no longer using Twitter and Facebook after the moment I realized know about, when you upload something on the stays there forever (I don't know how to say about it but the thoughts of it creeped me out lol), even though I am still using Instagram. I want to get rid of social media slowly and living my life completely, despite the fact that I will always keep e-mail and blog! Well, that's simply because I love writing and stuff. I've always wanted to do a 30-day-challenge-whatsoever since ages but keeping up a challenge for 30 days straight is not an easy thing to do, that's the main reason why it was always delayed. I did the questions challenges a few times, but a 30-days challenge...I've never give it a try. Only hearing its title makes me sweating already.

But, since I spend my time again on blogging earlier (oh I forgot to tell you that it's a week holiday, short-term indeed), I think it would be great if I do something different or challenging... so I thought why don't I give it a go and see if I can make it? So here I am! I am gonna do the 30-day blogging challenge!! It means I am going to post any post related to topic above on a daily basis in 30 days straight. Yay! I'll try as hard as I can to post anything every. single. day. in. 30. days. straight. God! It sounds tiring. But I am pretty sure it is worth the try!! Basically, the 30-day blogging challenge list above is a compilation of the challenges I found on internet and you're likely to find similar things, I just edited some parts. As the [Day 1] post comes up, it means the challenge has just started. Anyway.. anyone can join this challenge so if you're interested in doing this 30-day challenge, please let me know and comment below!

Have a good day, xx

Thursday, March 10, 2016








ーListening to this mesmerizing soundtrack of SAO while writing what-so-called-a-nonsense-above is enough to transport me to another side of the world. Don't you think it is somewhat...magical and relaxing? reminds me to Harvest Moon too. Farming life, trees, wind blows, calm, and tranquility. I like how it feels like something daringly quiet. Can you feel it too?

Tuesday, March 08, 2016

"Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

If you realized where the quote above was originated, you're my buddy already. Correct. That's a quote from Interstellar movie. No, I am not going to do a movie review although I never did (never been good on writing reviews), all I did was ended up writing about what my mind could perceive for uncertain purposes and regardless nonsense. So, amigo, now that's nonsense. I perpetually saying that sometimes I don't even know what I am saying so you don't have to take it seriously. Now I am serious. Wholeheartedly if I may say. If you don't know how much do I love astronomy and astrophysics as gigantic (how am I supposed to say that) as the time could bend, or not yet. However I really do have to tell you straightly that I am stupid at physics and exact sciences. But just so you know, everything I write here has begin through deep research and considerable fundamental reasons I was able to take. Just don't rely too much. do people even bother to read?

I have this kind of, you know, puzzling thoughts swirling in my mind about astronomy and its super massive knowledge back then when I was in primary school, but I am glad enough that I, finally, gradually discover new things or at least some questions I have been questioned myself for like ten years ago because I had no one to talk to about it. People would have consider me as a big head who thinks about nonsense things and I'd ended up getting such lines as "It's not our task to think about it." or worse as "stop thinking like you're able to solve things as that". But thanks anyway, now I know why being-mocked-at can be this advantageous for its victims. I mean I was like, dude what was your intention for saying it wasn't our business, like how do you even survive in this world if there is no scientists investigate it or how would you live without knowledge. At least if you don't think you're able to do it, or realized it isn't your field. Just stop complaining.

Actually that wasn't the point.

"We've always defined ourselves by the ability to overcome the impossible. And we count these moments. These moments when we dare to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to make the unknown known. We count these moments as our proudest achievements. But we lost all that. Or perhaps we've just forgotten that we are still pioneers. And we've barely begun. And that our greatest accomplishments cannot be behind us, because our destiny lies above us." -Cooper

Astronomy has taken me away to such different perspectives, nope I wasn't taken for such time and dimensional travel. Nope, dude. Even though it sounds amaazingg I am spinning out of nothingness and scattering stars!! Astronomy will always become one of the reason why I look upon Islam differently now. You might be saying, there's no relation between this and that or it's just a coincidence and a bunch of blah blah, but I had to justify that it wasn't a coincidence and there lies guidance. It really does embrace the horizon. Wasn't the horizon you'd find in black holes though. We'd talk about it soon since it has huge relation with the line I quoted. And by that soon I mean a real soon like soon but not today (I forgot what I want to write isn't it annoying). Well, let's just talk about the poem first. The quote was derived from a poem by Dylan Thomas (1914-1953), let's take a moment to appreciate. The poem's meaning is life affirming. It urges us to live life to the fullest and to never surrender. For me, it is one of the most powerful poems ever written, that we should not give up and surrender. That somehow we have to discover what makes us happy the most, to pursue any endeavor we chose.  Finding a purpose, whether it be to live each day to the fullest or to be the best person possible or creating something that makes our life more joyful and meaningful. 

“I don’t know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.” - Dalai Lama

Wednesday, March 02, 2016


欲しいのは 次のマイセルフ
ノーサンキュー!! 越えていくから

Even if things don’t go well tomorrow,
I won’t ever stand still;
What I desire is my next “self”!
If someone were to draw the line,
Saying that it’s impossible to go any further,
I’d say, “No, thank you!!” ’cause I’m gonna go beyond!

「SPYAIR アイム・ア・ビリーバー」

あの。。今は午前中に2時10分です。数時間で、中間試験があります。私は物理学からの脱出しています。もう知りませんね、難しい。たいへんですね T_T 私は誇張しているだけ。そのことわないですよね。私はむしろ週間の言語の束を勉強したいと思うだろう。まあ、私はそれを強調しておりません。私の心は何かを考えています、到達しにくいもの。「なにが楽しいんだ?」と人は言うけれど。それは俺にもわからない。走りつづけるだけさ。とにかく、この歌は私を幸せにします。それはだから...私の夢に私を思い出させます。がんばりましょう!

You know what. It is 2.10 am in the morning and there will be mid-term exam just in a few hours. I am kind of...escaping from Physics because I can no longer take the equations anymore. I was exaggerating, I am just not into it. I'd rather studying bunch of languages for weeks. Well, I am not really stressing about it, but my mind is running off somewhere to a dream that is kinda hard to reach. People keep asking me "What's so fun about it?" I don't really understand about it too... But I think I'll just keep on running. Anyway, this song makes me happy, because it reminds me to my dreams. Let's do our best! 

Don't let life randomly kick you into the adult you don't want to become~^^

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Acrostic Constellations

I often found myself gazing at Orion constellation, 
mumbled "There he is, the great hunter," 
you must be trustworthy, holds the story of million years

And I will follow my finger 
traced the big bear in the northern hemisphere, 
"Don't you miss your minor, Sir Ursa Major?"

Or if I am lucky enough, 
I can see our little barred spiral Milky Way galaxy among other galaxies, 
hundred light-years across

Ah, what about the shooting star? 
I know... it is just a glimpse of stardust, 
one miles away across my dirty lenses

And at times our eyes whirred comet-like 
Tracing its way to the wise constellations, 
like the entire atmosphere of Venus blows across the face of the planet in 4 days

I am afraid that I have loved the stars too fondly
To be fearful of the night
That it can leads to a self-destruct

Maybe John Green was right,
No one could ever fathom their thoughts into constellations
For Jupiter has promised Saturn

I wish I was as beautiful as my middle name, Aurora
much like an aurora borealis geomagnetic storm
I thought it was daringly magical, a touch of beautiful smitten
Though I am not

[23.2.2016-00.09 p.m]

**author's note
idk whether i can call it a poem or not,
i will never stop amazed by the beauty of the entire universe,
and my words will never be enough to describe nor express my endless amazement. 
mashaAllah. i am grateful...