Tuesday, April 12, 2016

[Day 7] What is the hardest thing I've ever experienced

"I thought the hardest thing in life is about going through pain and heartbreak, when people started to say 'you can't forget your first love', then why do people forget their parents?"

I was pretty confused because...I don't know what is the hardest thing I've ever experienced. I am not even experienced yet. I never see something as a burden to me. There is always ups and downs and life, and that's just how life is. People said the biggest challenge in life is marriage. I haven't experienced it yet, and I don't know if my experiences are enough to call me experienced. As a 17 years old who knows nothing about the world and have zero experience in life, I'll try to sort it out.

I thought the hardest thing in life is surviving for school, but it's not as hard as the homeless who survived on the road every day. I thought the hardest thing in life is choosing a restaurant to eat, but there are still unlucky people who don't know whether they will eat or not tomorrow. Survive from school is not that vital. I thought the hardest thing in life is saying hello and goodbye, but it's much better than never try to make a move. I thought the hardest thing in life is choosing to risk it all or walk away. I thought the hardest thing in life is deciding whether to give up or just try harder. I thought the hardest thing in life is pretending, but I am doing it quite well.

I thought the hardest thing in life is loving ourselves, but loving Allah and His messenger need a pure and sincere heart. I thought the hardest thing in life is the disappointment of failing on exams, but it is not as big as the disappointment of the parents who sees their kids leaving them as they grow up. I thought the hardest thing in life is about going through pain and heartbreak, when people started to say you can't forget your first love, then why do people forget their parents? I am feeling so guilty for my parents, I've never been good doing my job as a daughter. 

There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. I think these are the major thing to perceive the meaning of life. Whether something is hard or easy, it depends on how people see it. Well, back to it again, everything in life always depended on our choice. To love or not to love, to care or not to care, to give or not to give, and the list goes on. Just remember one thing, no matter how hard life gets, Allah will make everything beautiful at the right place and the right time. 

Monday, April 11, 2016

[Day 6] How I come across Blogspot and how my life has changed since joining

"I know, that someday I'll laugh at this posts and feel stupid after all. But, I just want to create the best memories I can. I want to remind myself, that through the hard times in life, we should always share happiness and joy within ourselves."

Okay so let's just forget about how many days I skipped, I'll just get going with the challenge~^^;;;
Warning! It's gonna be a long post!

I started blogging since I was in grade 6 in elementary school, that was the moment when I've always nagged my mom and dad to give me my personal email account and sign me up for facebook which most of my friends already had. My parents said I couldn't have it yet because my age was still under the minimum requirement and I keep asking for it by saying, "my friends already have it, why can't I?". Internet was new thing these days and parents were aware of this issue, you know child kidnapping and etc. Some of them even made one without telling their parents. I don't even know why am I even feeling so scared to break the rules, the fact that I've never felt under pressure, they never mad or screamed at me.

So when my friends are talking about what was happening on facebook and etc how the post on each other walls and stuff (now it sounds ridiculous, why do I even nagged for it), I just keep listening and "whoa." while my parents keep saying no so I thought, well maybe it's just not this time. I've never tried to break the rules, I was kinda obedient these days. Like most children, who has not even through puberty yet, I've always curious about everything and I just want to try everrrrrything. And there comes a day when my mother gave me one, and the rule is she must know everything that I do on the internet. I didn't know why back then and I just agreed since my mind already conceiving new things I'll discover soon. Well, I just realized that everything they did for me was for good and my safety. I don't know if internet can be this harmful and useful at the same time, it depends.

The url never changed since the very first day, it's still the same. I remember the first blog layout was magenta pink and titled "Febby's world" (uh-huh what). Ok, my world. And I felt as if I have my new own space to pour my thoughts about everything. I used to write short stories and personal experiences (I still do). I made friends with those who were crazy over HSM (High School Musical)!! HSM was so lit and our forever otp was Troy and Gabriella and that's it! My blogger friends; Eno, who is my chairmate and my crazy-over-hsm-and-astronomy friend since elementary school; Mbak Keisha Lyubiana (and Katya, Astrid, Amel if you still remember me!), I nearly choked when re-read our decent emails about hsm and blogger things; Athaya Syafadira, who is always been an amazing person! I always envied you because you've travelled in a lot of places! Hehe; Margaretha Lie, I don't know if you still remember me, you are famous now and have grown to be a veryyy beautiful and stylish person! If you remember how decent you was in our emeil conversation, I also really enjoyed different religion kind of conversation back then; and my childhood internet friends whom I cannot mention one by one. I love you guys, a lot!

Then I stopped blogging for one or two years because I just don't know what to post anymore. And I came back after a few years decided to do something else started by changed its title to "A Hot Marshmallow" and a few changes for the background and widgets. The title, I don't have any idea why I picked that hot marshmallow whatsoever, I think I was just inspired by Diana Rikasari's hot chocolate and mint. I started to blog with my very poor English ability, to improve my English and self-improvement. I really adore Evita Nuh! Her English and French ability, her sense towards fashion, her personal life basically, and her everything that she accomplished at such a young age; 12 years old! I achieved nothing when I was her age, she is even one year younger than me. She inspired me a lot and I thought I  should do that too!

I also joined a lot of blog giveaways after I found out Kak Elsa and Dija's blog! I joined my very first giveaway held by Kak Elsa, and I won! I won it and be the youngest participant, I was sooo happy. The giveaway was to write a letter for Dija, so that she can read it in the future, when she turns 17. Kak Elsa is really sweet and amazing person!! Hahaha, and now Dija has grown sooo beautiful as always. And there came a time when I suddenly get a few proposals for endorsements and sponsorship for this blog, I've never imagined it before. My first giveaway was sponsored by one of the international glasses company, it wasn't that big but I felt so content to finally held a giveaway. This experiences taught me a lot on how to negotiate for a quite long time with a company from another country before we finally deal with each other's agreement. I had no experience on how to negotiate, nor to write formal emails, with my very basic English understanding. I barely remember what I did.

I don't remember exactly when did I changed the title to Amortentia, I was inspired by the potions in Harry Potter and I thought it sounds cool. So I made a few changes again. I am feeling like my English has gotten better, not good, just better. And until now, I am still keeping up with my main goal, self-improvement. Now, this is also a place for me to share whatever is going on in my life, my random thoughts, Islamic related things, and also to practice my language skills other than English. I know, that someday I'll laugh at this posts and feel stupid after all. But, I just want to create the best memories I can. I want to remind myself, that through the hard times in life, we should always share happiness and joy within ourselves.

Through the stop and continue in blogging. At times, I am feeling like "well, no one would read this anyway", but I don't really care because I just love to write and my main goal still is a self-improvement on the first place!  I often reviewed my previous post, I laughed every time I re-read those childhood memories and old posts. How I was thinking my English was quite good, but the reality is I don't go anywhere (esp the post in 2013-less!). What a pity. I nearly cried (for laughing) to read my old posts. But, I don't regret it at all. No matter how many mistakes I made with the grammar or the content itself, my very basic knowledge towards everything, I am happy that I had gotten this awareness in such a fairly young age.

Friday, April 08, 2016

[Day 5] How important I think education is

Education is SO important like...even if it is so hard, you know the struggle, sacrifices, and the minutes to hours to years we spend our time in it People really should educate themselves. For their own sake. For everyone sake. For this generation sake. I wasn't talking about the education system, because honestly...sorry to say, it is such a crap nowadays. I don't even have to mention it, people would agree (except to some countries which their education system are superb, hands down). I have no idea, how schooling really works. So basically, we get to kindergarten at the age of 6 or 7 (you might also experience playground stage earlier) and then elementary school for 6 years and every student just progress to junior high school to high school and then the so-called-though-university life.

I don't know if this education system really works, where we are educated to...memorize? rather than to learn. I mean, we can see...that, somehow, this kind of system creates a generation of cheater because our education system values grade more than honesty, integrity, and the value of learning itself. Even though it is actually their own choice whether they choose to "cheat and get a great result which is basically not their right" or "do the best and just whatever with the result". Both, have impacts in short and long terms. The first type might get satisfied and enjoy the short term moments where they don't have to worry to do remidials, and the second probably...you know. And in long terms, I don't want to guess and make a stereotype for people like that, but...the second type might value honesty even more, therefore, we need this kind of people to lead the world. Well, it doesn't rule out of the possibilities that there is fate and people can change and repent. But both actions, carved people's character, with or without them realize it. Anyway, there is no harm in repeating good thing, so why bother?

And by the importance of education itself means the urge of seeking for knowledge. Even Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "The seeking of knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim." - Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 74. Mashaallah! I always keep it to myself...whenever and from whoever I seek for the knowledge, I always remind myself that knowledge should keep me humble. We should seek for knowledge not to point out that other people are wrong so we can judge them easily, it doesn't mean we can say a bad thing to others because we think we are better than them. Who are you to judge? The more knowledge we have, the more humble we should be. Instead, we are becoming judgemental. (I remember I heard it from the lecture of Nouman Ali Khan, he really is an inspiration, may Allah bless him). Judgemental can lead you to be arrogance and ignorance, how terrible will that be?

Anyway, I've always wanted to share this video I found in YouTube made by a youtuber, his most viral video was about "The Meaning of Life", you should check that too. I would be very happy if you want to watch this! :) Remember, keep educating yourself and leave what the media says.

Thursday, April 07, 2016

[Day 4] My middle name and how I feel about it

ok so literally i just skipped 7 days of this 30-day-blogging challenge...
posting a post every single day is a hard thing to do. geez, seriously.

Whenever I told my middle name as my nickname in demand, I got these reactions...

"your name is beautiful." "can i have your name?" "aurora, like...the princess?" "i love your name" "your name sounds better" "holy shit you have a cool name" or even something like this, "when i was 7, i used to ask my mom to change my name to aurora" and I was like, really?

I honestly really adore my middle name over my surname and last name (sorry guys but middle name wins). I often asked my mom and dad about the meaning of my name and they're never really sure about it. I once asked my mom about my name and she was like,

"go ask your dad, he really wants that name for the first daughter. I don't know." so I was pretty happy that day and decided to ask dad and he was like, "me neither.".

I mean yeah probably they just made it up like, "ah right maybe t goes better with this" "nah this name fits." "what's the whole meaning actually?" "i don't know.".

Ok, I am so done with this. I also really love it because it sounds like..aw-raw-rah or aw-roar-uh or whatever. And also because it is close with the word "Auror" as in Harry Potter which is an elite group of witches and wizards, loyal to the Ministry of Magic (Harry and Ron are Auror!) so I am feeling like "y'all right imma have a cool name"

Trying to find the answer but ended up with nothing, I decided to look it up to our fairy godmother nowadays, Google. I was stuck within a moment and thinking, well done...hand clapping for my own self to honor my own self (lol I just self-praising). The description of aurora, Aurora borealis and australis to be precise, quite made me feel a bit overwhelming. But for my opinion, I think it is enchanting, stunning, and...regal? Smh.

Ah~! I remembered, back to the old days when I was in kindergarten, my favorite natural phenomenon was the magical magnetic-phenomenon-whatsoever-something-happens-upper-the-atmosphere, the aurora. My favorite princess among the Disney princesses was princess Aurora too. Both are simply because we share a same name and I thought it was cool. Both the electrical phenomenon and the disney princess are gorgeously beautiful and it always got me thinking, when will I get the beauty too? Feels unfair how they got that easily while I have to work for it. kkk just kidding. Well, one thing is true about it is...my middle name is Aurora and I sleep like Princess Aurora...except, I don't sleep beautifully. I get sleepy most of the time and I really like to take a nap and sleep and sleep. And I do this.

netflix and chill (ain't got netflix 'cause no money to pay bills)

 And instead, I woke up like this.
 ok sorry if this thing scared you.