Friday, August 19, 2016

Trust Issues


I have a lot of trust issues. Every time I tried to trust people in the past, I've been let down, and now I thought it is easier and less painful to just rely on myself. I have always tried my best to see the good in others and expecting every single person in the world have a good intention. I've never thought that there is some evil in people (unless they have problems with their psychology or something). I've always believed that most people are good, and the pure evil ones only make up less than 2% in the world. 

I was really sure until I finally in this point where I questioned my own paradigms. Was I wrong? For expecting such thing from people? Do I really worth the trust..or am I just easy to be fooled at? Do people really broke their trust...or was I just disappointed? Was it only me...who assume the worst before it happened? Was it my fault..or was it, theirs? Do I really have trust issues...or was I just trying to avoid the pain? 

Even if I knew the answer, does it really matter? Does it really worth it?

And I've learned the hard way that never rely on anyone,

ูَุชَูˆَูƒَّู„ْ ุนَู„َู‰ ุงู„ู„َّู‡ِ ุฅِู†َّูƒَ ุนَู„َู‰ ุงู„ْุญَู‚ِّ ุงู„ْู…ُุจِูŠู†ِ
"So, rely upon Allah; indeed, you are upon the clear truth." Qur'an 27:79

ูˆَุชَูˆَูƒَّู„ْ ุนَู„َู‰ ุงู„ู„َّู‡ِ ูˆَูƒَูَู‰ٰ ุจِุงู„ู„َّู‡ِ ูˆَูƒِูŠู„ًุง
"And rely upon Allah, and Sufficient is Allah as Disposer of Affairs." Qur'an 33:3

And I am sorry to you...
And I ask for Allah's forgiveness.
That if I have a lot of mistakes, as I don't have the same pure heart as yours. Dear brothers and sisters, keep me in your prayer and I will keep you in my prayers, and if I did something wrong, please keep the ummah in our prayers...and ask for His guidance to keep us on the right path. To give us a sincere heart to forgive people. Ask Him to lift whatever burden...in our hearts.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Perhaps


It was nothing like sunbeam,
or a thick forest green
Not even a deep crystal clear blue,
in those sparks still glow
It was a pure and innocent all analyst couldn't care less
One thing I know that I was lost
Ought to be carried off by uncertain
Letting it in and being unaware of consequences
Lost in a world of a beautiful scene

Maybe I write too much outlandish poems
or read too many books
Where I find pleasure in string words
Spending hours pairing rhymes
To embrace my fictional world
into sentences that I don't even understand
But one thing that I know too well
In between transparent wave they've told me
That the seas and the forests envied you
For the world reflected inside yours
is not the world we used to know

Nobody ever bothered to tell you
They are hickory against deep mud oak
And when it meets sunlight they beam
Two perfect orbs the same shade as nature after it rains
burning with the light of a thousand suns
Bewitched in between my souls
Persuaded in matrimony,
beholding as I was going away
Don't think it was too much, it was just a metaphor
Just a little to believe in realism, soon be drenched away

What do I know of bone-deep lonely, 
of the beautiful freeze, 
of a running circuit through the stars 
until all landmarks are my own staring eyes
Or maybe I am scientist, 
staring deep through a telescope
Convex lens collects light and focuses it
into a distant galaxy 
that has not had the chance, 
to be named

And perhaps you should know,
in between uncertain lines somehow I wished
that I still do

[17.8.2016]

Saturday, August 13, 2016

My 7 Favorite Japanese Youtubers: How I Learned Japanese in a Fun Way!

I've been learning Japanese for almost a year and I still am not fluent yet (anyone could you please tell me how it is done pls?!). My kanji writing, especially, is still soooo poor. Remembering strokes and its onyomi & kunyomi are like the hardest challenge in learning Japanese (well, even though I love kanjis!!). So does my speaking. Self-studying is difficult, I admit. But it's fun and enjoyable as long as you spend your time in a fun way. I've always been a fan of Youtubers and I watched Japanese and Korean youtubers to help me learn those languages, and today I would like to share my 7 favorite Japanese Youtubers!!!! Well, some are non-Japanese but they speak Japanese and live in Japan as well. So, here it is:

MissHanake

Hannah is my first non-Japanese-who-learns-Japanese Youtubers who I discovered loooong time ago before I discover another Japanese Youtubers. And I am grateful that I found her channel! I keeping up with her videos from the very start when she speaks very basic Japanese (in which that time I didn't understand any single word!) and now she speaks veryveryvery fluently! She even got into a newspaper for getting the highest score on Japanese exam. The thing is...she self-studied!! She is a British (I love British accent! wingardium leviosar.................) but she also speaks German, French, Latin and Dutch. Which is amazing. Now she is an Oxford student majoring in Japanese language if I am not mistaken. She inspired me so much!

Mimei

Mimei comes from New Zealand and she went to Japan in 2009 to study, I guess. She is a wife of Duncan (see below) and a mother of two little scottish fold rascals, Cinnamon and Latte! My favorite videos are her collaboration with Mahoto-chan as they are just so adorable!! I recommend you to watch the Interviewing Youtuber series and basically just watch. All. Of. Them. Oh and I really loveeee her hair.

PDRใ•ใ‚“
I discovered Duncan a.k.a PDRใ•ใ‚“ after watching Mimei's channel and it showed up in my recommended videos bar. I was shocked to know that they are married already! His videos are mainly nonsense jokes but so funny (some are pretty rude and harsh and disgusting and contains a lot of dirty jokes but yeah). But he is so creative and actually just weird after all, but his weirdness is goldddddd. And I love it that way! Anyway, Mimei and Duncan have another channel for both of them -> BACOUPLE. (Relationship jokes goal?) lol


ใฏใ˜ใ‚ใ—ใ‚ƒใกใ‚‡ใƒผHajime

Hajime's videos are basically wasting everything and talking so fast without spaces. He is a real nihonjin a.k.a Japanese. One time he bought tons of coca colas and mentos and poured it all in a bath tub, wanted to know whether it will explode or not (I was hoping I could see that scene though it didn't happen lol). And the other time he bought clays or just doing whatever he likes. I first discovered him from Mimei's channel too, where she interviewed Youtubers and there comes out this creature who makes me laugh even in the very first introduction. 

DoudemoMIRA
DoudemoMIRA a.k.a Kanadajin3 (her English channel), basically also a non-Japanese Youtuber but she lived in Japan. I don't know her much as I am not often watch her videos. But she likes to express her opinions toward issues in Japan and her daily life. I love her accent idk why it sounds so cute and unique and she is so kawaii!

MAHOTO
He is a real Japanese also!! His videos are just as weird as PDRใ•ใ‚“, Mimei, and Hajime. Omg their circles. So nonsense and weird, but...I managed to watch the videos till the end (what did I do with my life). At least he is so cute and he got dimples when he smiles #uhwhat. He often showed up in Mimei and Duncan's channel, you should watch him speaking engrishu!!

She is also a non-Japanese Youtubers........I just realized that most of the Youtubers I recommend are basically foreigners?! Hahaha okay. I enjoyed her videos, and she shares a lot of information. I just realized that she hanged out with Mimei lately!

Actually I still have a long list of Japanese Youtubers such as Micaela ใƒŸใ‚ซใ‚จใƒฉใใพใฟใ/Kumamikiใƒใ‚คใƒชใƒณใ‚ฌใƒผใƒซ่‹ฑไผš่ฉฑ | Bilingirl Chika, HIKAKIN, and many more. But, they are my favorite (and basically just comes out from the same circle xD)
So, what do you guys think about them? ^^