Thursday, November 30, 2017

{ royal pains ♛ }

battles raged, rebels revolted
jewelry crowned on the cold throne
my soul cheers in glory
the diadem of diamonds and bloody red sapphires
should the glass shattered
scattered fragmented pieces cut through the vein;
revealing my blood in black ruby
"i am the queen of the empire!"

[2.34 am // heavy rain and thunder]

Monday, November 27, 2017

v a g u e

                            it took seconds to realize
the scarcity in the distance between
        how you quiver,
                when the mouth dries
   and how you groan,
        when cold hugs you tight

    i barely know,
what is going on
                           for the truth, is yet to find
          and the reality,
seems knocked you down

   for you're a disease,
                             a virus; so devastating
            begging, thirsting, craving
slowly sinking and wasting
                        since the beginning

[1.49 am // quite windy]

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

November Bersyukur / Grateful November

"Happiness is not about getting what you want all the time. It's about loving what you have and being grateful for it."

Related image
Gak kerasa udah dua bulan terakhir sebelum tahun 2018 dan rasanya waktu berjalan cepeeet banget (ya kadang lama juga sih. Hahaha.) It has been more than 5 months after high school graduation and I will be 19 years old soon. Still doing nothing, as always. Banyak hal udah terjadi dari kegagalan-kegagalan, kegalauan(?), fase-fase when you feel like you're on the edge of the world, kebahagian /ea, kesadaran akan banyak hal, penemuan atau pencarian jati diri, dan unexpected things lainnya. Tapi terlepas dari itu semua, I realized a lot of things that Allah is good and He wants the best for us in ways that we can't imagine before. Therefore, never doubt Him, move forward, and let's be grateful :)

So, I read a blog from a famous blogger where she listed and reflected on things she is being grateful for. I was expecting big things but turns out she also wrote about the little things I never expect she would write before. I was thinking why don't I do that too... maybe, somehow, in that way I can reflect upon things that ever happened to me so I can value things, even the smallest ones, more than before. Okay let's just do it.

I am grateful....
  1. Allah still gives me the chance to breathe and live another day in this world
  2. Allah gives me a pair of eyes to see, a nose to smell, a mouth to eat and taste, ears to listen to voices and nature, hands to write and do a lot of things with it, feet to walk to a lot of places, organs to digest the food I eat until filtering the oxygen I breathe, vessels to pump blood to the lungs or hearts, skin to protect me from UV rays and whatever, ... okay, I may stop otherwise I'll be teaching biology soon.
  3. I am healthy although I am underweight for my height ahahha I should exercise /meh
  4. Allah gives me a beautiful, loving, and very supportive family to surround with
  5. Allah brings me good friends who always support and remind me of the world and the hereafter (may Allah blesses you guys.)
  6. I learn the beauty and goodness of Islam which always brings tears in my eyes
  7. Prophet Muhammad PBUH (Peace be upon him) as my role model
  8. I live in a decent and sufficient lifestyle. My family isn't that rich and I grew up learning that we have to work harder in order to achieve something and I learned to be grateful more for what we have.
  9. My parents are practicing Islam now and mom is wearing a hijab :')
  10. I have an annoying little brother who is very loud and weird. But thanks for your weird jokes though. You have developed a lot since the last three years, we can talk about deep things now even though you're still annoying and put me in a bad mood sometimes. But hey we never have any serious fights even since we're young.
  11. for Tasya Rahman who voluntarily willing to be my side-kick. A true INTJ who always being mocked for her lack of F by an INFJ a.k.a me. Thank you for always being there, literally, every day, from day one to the days when everything is so gloomy or as bright as I am. Thanks for your support and long-@$$ paragraphs.
  12. Dinda the best research partner ever! Thank you so much for accompanying me throughout the years, our hard times and suffering in high school. I'll never forget our rough journey. You're not only my research partner but also temen curhat ga karuan dan calon ibu yang pandai memasak yang jago benerin motor juga:( gak ngerti deh:(
  13. For Ero, through the up and downs supporting each other. I never met someone who is so Harry Potter and astronomy freaks as you are! Please never give up on your dreams.
  14. I met Shecil though our closeness was because of something weird and actually not-so-worth to diurus. But I am grateful we did! Thanks for your "pre-cautions" and reminders. You're one of the strongest girl I've ever known.
  15. To have Ninis and Febri who always sharing islamic thoughts and quotes to remind each other for the hereafter.
  16. Willa, Shinta, Arum, Rama: the people who surprised me for the first time in my house:') for three years. Always. Thank you. So. Much.
  17. I am an INFJ-A who values deep conversations and solitude over anything else.
  18. I am interested in languages and have the ability to learn
  19. I think I am a pretty good listener? even though agak gak peka
  20. I have visited Bali island twice in the recent years
  21. I went to Padang, Sumatera Barat with Ero and Dinda although we lose at the competition we entered
  22. I traveled abroad for the first time in 2017 (to South Korea)
  23. I am single hahahahahha this is so fun you know
  24. "it" has ended last year /bye!
  25. Our experience in research has brought us to a lot of places, met new friends, and gain new experience (plusss bonus: money and medals! Kkkk)
  26. We got the chance to enter Young Researcher Competition (LPB), ISPO (Indonesian Science Project Olympiad) 7th, and OPSI 2016 (Olimpiade Penelitian Siswa Indonesia) during High School.
  27. We presented our research project in front of students from Chiba University, Japan
  28. I learned about hardships and went through it a lot
  29. I got the honor to visit Georgian Embassy and met Mr. Zurab Aleksidze (Georgian Ambassador / Duta Besar Georgia) in 2015
  30. I met inspiring research mentors (Mas Zakaria, Mas Rizqi, Mbak Dewi A, Mbak Dewi P, Mas Afif, Mbak Fiesha, Mbak Tika!) who taught me about research, life-lessons, islamic, and social things.
  31. I met admirable Islamic mentors (including my research mentors above, Mbak Hesti, Mbak Cho, Mbak Sanya!) they are the bestttt people I've ever met omg :') I still wonder how they manage to say things very beautifully and carefully words by words
  32. I met Attack on Titan cast, Watanabe Shu! and spoke (a very bad) Japanese to him
  33. I met Chelsea Islan, Afgan and Yura also took selcas with them (+got their signs though it's gone now) even though I wasn't really a fan of them but isn't it kewl. no? okay.
  34. I met ZENIUS!!! huhuhu read this post about Zeniussss to know how much I love Zenius
  35. I passed SBMPTN even though I really think that I didn't deserve a seat because mannnn I was so lazy and wow although it wasn't a big and famous university or the best, I was grateful after all?! I never expect that I will pass anyway.
  36. I discovered Stephen Covey and Anthony Robbins' books earlier!
  37. I love books and journaling
  38. yeah I love skincare too lol.
  39. I have break-outs these days and now I understand how it feels like to have acnes and pimples all over your face. Plus, I have redness, dry, and sensitive issues. I just knew that it could be this stressful and I experienced a low self-esteem... so, never mock your friends with pimples or acne problems. Instead, support and give them skincare advices (if you know any). Well, I am grateful, otherwise, I may have hurt a friend because I never knew how bad it feels like.
  40. I discovered famous-inspiring people who will always inspire me: Kak Budi Waluyo, Kak Gamal Albinsaid, Pak B.J Habibie, Wirda Mansur, Yusuf Mansur, Kak Dewi, Kak Ibrahim, and including my favorite book authors aforementioned before and a lottt of people.
  41. I passed document screening and interview phase :') Never expect this one too. Maybe I'll write about this one more if things are going as planned. Well, next year. 
  42. I learned how to be grateful :)
  43. Last but not least... I am grateful for Islam itself. Islam is the biggest and the most beautiful blessing ever happened in my life.
Guys, this is endless...

ูَุจِุฃَูŠِّ ุขู„َุงุกِ ุฑَุจِّูƒُู…َุง ุชُูƒَุฐِّุจَุงู†ِ
Then which of the favors of your Lord will you deny?

The fact that this verse is repeated 31 times in Surah ar-Rahman [#55]… I don’t think that is by accident. It’s without a doubt, one of my favorites ayats [verses] from the Qu’ran. See? Of all the things that I am being grateful for, when I think about it more, I feel like I don't actually deserve all those things. Allah is very good to me, soooo many blessings have bestowed upon me yet I keep on sinning and forgetful. Happiness is not about getting what you want all the time. It's about loving what you have and being grateful for it. We can never count Allah's blessings... Mashallah.