The Gift of Life

I just wrote this in my journal after watching Studio Ghibli - Spirited Away, I was about to just keep it for myself. But then I realized that perhaps someone needs to read this, I hope this writing could make you re-think about your life. Whoever you are, and whatever struggle you are in, don't give up. If no one supports you, mocks you or looks you down, just remember that I am here: a stranger who believes that you will get through it, you will be okay. Have some faith and trust in yourself. Don't push yourself too hard and keep loving yourself.

***

Saturday, 27th October 2019

Isn't it beautiful that we are granted with the best gift we could ever get called "life"? Isn't it beautiful that each one of us has a different childhood and background? Isn't it beautiful how life put you in unexpected places and situations, yet never fails to leave a lesson and message behind it? Isn't it beautiful that "to live" alone is the biggest blessing we forgot?

When I think about my life so far, how every moment of happiness, sadness, fear, or joy has shaped us into who we are today. Life is beautiful, isn't it? How each one of us has a different purpose and role yet we only yearns for one thing: love. To live is to love. Whether it is to love your significant others, your parents, your brothers, your sisters, your friends, the strangers that you just met, and the most important of all, to love yourself.

To live is to give a piece of you to make others happy, to shed some light in the darkness of their life To live is to let others believe that they deserve to live a beautiful life. To live is to share, even if it's all you have, to those who are in need. To live is to appreciate, to forgive, to heal the broken ones. To live is to understand that each one of us is struggling in our way, that each one of us worthy of the blessings that life offers.

To live is to show and embrace every little piece of love that God puts in our hearts, in every drop of water, in the sparks of light, in the ray of sunshine, in the warmth of day, in the coldest of night, in the smiles of those who are heartbroken, in the tears of those who long for happiness, in every corner of this earth, in the pureness and sincerity of animals, in every acts of kindness that comes from a sincere hearts.

The more we get older, the more we forgot how to live a life. When I look back at my childhood, I remember how I was still innocence of what life is. I live my life as if it will never end, I live my life as if I have always a "tomorrow". When I was a kid, I never thought that I will grow into a bigger and taller shape. I never thought that I will ever grow old. I never thought that I, too, will eventually die someday. I never even imagined that I will grow until today, leaving my childhood behind.

When I look back at my childhood, I still remember how I always observe other people and wonder how did they live their life before. Even until now, every time I stare into people's souls, I always wonder: what kind of childhood they had, what kind of environment they were raised in, what kind of people are dear in their life. I love to just sit in a cafe or bus while wondering how they live their life as they walk past by.

Each one of us knows that we only have one chance to live. One may live it by doing everything that they want to do so that they'll not regret one day. One may live it by doing its best today in hope that they will have a brighter future. One may live it by spending their time with their loved ones because they know that perhaps "tomorrow" will never come again. One may live it like there would never be an end. Each one of us has a different way to live a life as we interpret the meaning of life differently.

But in the end, deep down in our hearts, the reason why we live in a way that we believe in is that

we know that we will never experience the same life twice.

Can money buy us happiness?

"Money is a powerful tool; think of it as a catalyst which is able to help you execute your goals and reach more people, help others achieve their dreams and make this world a better place. Imagine if you can build a system that helps contribute in the society, build schools and educate people so that they can achieve what you have achieved."

Recently, I did a small survey on Instagram asking people, "Do you think money can buy you happiness?" out of nowhere because I was just playing around, hehe. But then I was surprised by the number of responses I got from my friends and Instagram followers. The result was 27% of them agreed and 73% of them disagreed that money can buy happiness; that also indicated that 3 out of 4 people think that money can't buy us happiness. I was intrigued and decided to write a longer post here because I, myself, have been thinking about it quite a lot these days. I was reflecting on the idea of happiness and how do people actually define the word happiness. I am not going to be philosophical here but, what really is happiness? And why the majority of people think that money can't buy us happiness? Also, what does it have to do with the money? Why some people think money is important and some others think that it is not?

To be honest, I used to think that money will NEVER be able to buy us happiness. Yeah, I gave you one clue there, I used to. I really have no desire over money that even if I had a lot of money or destined to be born in a very wealthy family, I will still choose to give some part of it to other people after I have fulfilled my basic needs. I don't need that much anyway, I just buy what I need and if it's enough then it's enough. I don't need hundreds of designer bags or tons of brand new cosmetics or skincare, I would feel content with one or two that I will really use and last me for a long time. Well, I don’t mind having tons of skincare though. Also, I want a private jet, hehe. And chocolates. And a lot of books. And a mansion on a private island. Astaghfirullah HAHAHA. Anyway! All I wanted to do in life is to share, serve, and help others through charity or education. I have never fancied money that I would sacrifice or dedicate my whole life to pursue material things. 

"Did you realise that there lies happiness after buying a pair of shoes for the homeless? There lies happiness of being able to provide food for the poor. There lies happiness when you can make an orphan smiles by fulfilling their tangible needs."

However, I changed my whole perspective about money after reading more books, educating myself about financial literacy, cashflow and listening to my mentors. Now, I believe that money CAN buy us happiness, although it's not always the case and the center of the universe. The truth is... there lies happiness after buying a pair of shoes for the homeless. There lies happiness in being able to provide food for the poor. There lies happiness when you can make an orphan smiles by fulfilling their tangible needs. I was wrong thinking that being rich always associated with greed and evil. Money can "buy" us happiness and a sense of security if we spend it on the right thing or the right people. Money is good if you are a man of value, a man of purpose, money makes you a better human if you have an amazing personality that could help other people.

Or even if you don't really have a big sense of sharing or charity, money still allows you to afford plane tickets for traveling in which you can learn more about other cultures, understanding other people or just enjoying the beauty of nature. You can achieve financial security to fulfill your basic needs of foods and roofs because before helping other people we have to make sure that we help ourselves.  Also, we can buy more chocolates, hehe. What I am trying to say is that it's not always about making the most money or compete with one another, it is more about giving deeper value in the utilization of money, be it to spend it on something that makes you a better human or invest it in something that you like. Because money comes when we have value. Some self-made millionaires out there, who wasn't born into a billionaire family, are usually the people of value who successfully created a system or product that helps many humans.

"The most beautiful thing in life is not wealth, rather it is the tranquillity of the soul, the contentment of the heart and happiness that comes from within." @roseofgolds

Money can buy you happiness, but it can't buy you contentment. You can be the wealthiest person in this world and still not be content, or you can have as little as $1 a day but you can still be the happiest person in this world. The key is to be grateful; gratitude is a simple act that requires you nothing but it does have a big effect in your life, it will give you peace, calmness, and contentment. "And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]." (Surah Ibrahim 14:7) The goal is not to make the money controls you, the goal is to control the money for bigger purposes and good causes. Money is a powerful tool; think of it as a catalyst that is able to help you execute your goals and reach more people, help others achieve their dreams and make this world a better place. Imagine if you can build a system that helps contribute to the society, builds schools and educates people so that they can achieve what you have achieved. Life is too short to hold grudges and enmity, why don't we cooperate and help each other? Greed. Yea,h I just answered my own question.

"Wealth is the slave of a wise man. A master of a fool." -Seneca

***

MISCONCEPTION WITHIN THE MUSLIM COMMUNITY

There are widely spread mentality and misconception within the Muslim community, that when you're in deen and practicing Islam you shouldn't have desire over money as it's all about material things and worldly lives. In Islam, we have the concept of zuhud, it means having no love for the material world as it might make us forget about our sole purpose and the purification of the soul. The problem is that all of us have to live in this material world and benefit from it. When we are hungry we need food. When we are thirsty we need water. We need a roof over our heads. We need to earn money for our daily expenses.  But does it really mean that we shouldn't pursue material things at all? Does Islam really encourage us to not be wealthy and just focus on the hereafter/akhira? 

No, the fact is there is nothing wrong with pursuing money or material things. Even the Prophet's companions were among the super-rich but it doesn't mean they love material things or get crazy over money. Just look at Uthman ibn Affan r.a, Abdurrahman ibn Awf, both of them are millionaires in their time and the way they spend money for good cause and charity is still an ongoing ajr until now. Generosity, service, and love. Then, how is it possible then that while we benefit so much from this material world and need it all the time, we do not fall in love with it?

"Aim to live in this world without allowing the world to live inside you, because when a boat sits on water it sails perfectly, but when water enters inside the boat, it sinks. " Imam Ali (AS)

This is one of my favorite quotes; you are allowed to have money in your hand, you're just not allowed to have it in your heart. It is to be said that we shouldn't get so busy with money that we neglect more important things like family, health, friends, and purposes. Indeed, Allah has given us a chance to live in this Dunya so that we can seek with it the hereafter, next life, afterlife, akhirah, whatever you name it. And we as a Muslim (well if you are a non-Muslim reading this right now, it's up to you to take it or not) believe that we are not meant to be attached in this Dunya/world.

***

SO, WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

1. Understand the cause-effect relationship

It is good and encouraged to donate and make a lot of charity for those who need, but we shouldn't forget to deal with the cause of the issue or the root of the problems. Talha Azam said, "suppose there is a sister on the verge of becoming homeless; you want to help her with donations, good. That's dealing with the effect of her becoming homeless. The cause is she doesn't know how to generate money. The cause is illiteracy and lack of knowledge. In other words, prioritize creating systems of financial literacy to tackle homelessness instead of the consistency giving charity alone."

"Wealth is a catalyst–it makes you much more of who you already are in your intentions, plans, and character. Use wealth for supporting your goals, humility and generosity, and not for arrogance, corruption, and evil."

-Talha Azam

2. Educate ourselves with financial literacy and how the system works

The lesson is, we should not only focus on fixing the problem but also understanding why certain issues happened in the first place through knowledge and education. It is important to understand the world issues and current affairs facing society, we have to build more awareness that the whole nation is suffering because we are not doing our part to help the ecosystem. Lack of understanding of knowledge is dangerous as it might lead us to hypocrisy and ignorance. We should educate ourselves about how to think, how to invest, how the system works, cash flow, how to learn, how to manage money, basically teach yourself about everything that your school or university never teach you. Even if you have graduated or you have reached the age above 40, do. not. stop. learning. Learning is essential, be conscious of the pursuit of knowledge. Seek knowledge but keep humble!

3. Plan, reflect, think, write it down

Reflect on your goals and purposes, think about how you define money and happiness.
What do you think about money? How do you feel about money? What you should really do with the money? What can you do for yourself, your family, or other people? Think about your life in the long-term, imagine and plan it out. Just think and write it on a piece of paper. Paper and pen.

4. Manage your money and spend it for a good cause

You don't have to be an entrepreneur or millionaires, there is nothing wrong with pursuing a job that you love or work hard for your passion. Everyone has a different story and don't let others define yourself or let you down. Start planning your money, financial planning and management are very important no matter what your goal and purpose are. It might be annoying and uncomfortable if you're not used to tracking your daily expenses, but it will be helpful for your future. If you are a Muslim, don't forget to spare 2,5% of your money for Zakat/charity to help the poor. Help everyone, it doesn't have to be a Muslim to spread goodness in humanity.

5. Be grateful
I don't have a lot to say about this one, you know what you should do :)

Abu Huraira (Radhi-Allahu ‘anhu) reported: Allah’s Messenger (salAllahu alayhi wa sallam) as saying: "Charity does not in any way decrease the wealth and the servant who forgives, Allah adds to his respect; and the one who shows humility, Allah elevates him in the estimation (of the people)."[Sahih Muslim – Book 032: Hadith 6264]

So, what do you think about money?

The Beginning of A Journey

Korean Language Training graduation day - January, 2019

This is just the beginning...

Almost 3 months passed since I wrote anything in this blog, I have promised you 

to write articles on the topic that you guys requested but I haven't had the chance and time to write, 

I am sorry, I will try my best. If... possible. InshaAllah. Hehe. 

This post will mark the beginning of my study journey in South Korea. By January 18th I've officially finished my Korean Language Training Program at Silla University. Yes, I've graduated! Alhamdulillah. But this is not the end, at all. Instead, this is the beginning of the real journey. Soon enough I will start my undergraduate studies on Spring Semester at Korea University, Seoul. I will leave Busan (that has become my second hometown now I guess!) and move to Seoul by mid-February InshaAllah.

A lot of things happened in 2018, the good and the bad. I am feeling so grateful that I have met wonderful and amazing GKS (Global Korea Scholarship) friends at Silla University: 36 people from 32 different countries. We came from various cultures and backgrounds, we may not always like each other and have the same opinions about everything but we learned how to respect and appreciate each other's cultures and values despite our differences. They are all amazing people, I learned about their pasts and the journeys that they have been through but managed to survive until they became the person they are today. We all have strengths and weaknesses, we may not be perfect but that's what differentiates us from one another. And I am feeling so happy that I got the chance to learn about their lives, personal values, and way of thinking.

When I look back at my life again I realize how lucky and blessed I am because of this opportunity. I really am grateful and InshaAllah will not regret my decision of coming to Korea despite the challenges that I have to face in order to survive. Life in Korea may not be easy, but this is where I learn how to be responsible and get out of my comfort zone in order to grow. Oh, and I am 20 now, it might be young for some people and old for some other people. But for me, I've always reminded myself that "If today is your last day, then you are old already.", so don't wait until you're old because old age is not promised. The present is the only thing that we have right now, so make sure that we don't waste it! #selfreminder :)

Soul...mate?

Prophet (pbuh) said: “Souls are like crowds which gather together. 

The ones who met before get along well. 

The ones who did not meet before, cannot get along very well and separate.” 

(Bukhari, Anbiya, 2; Muslim, Birr, 159; Abu Dawud, Adab, 19). 

To: the unknown

Your soul color shall be a deep dark blue with a hint of silver. Your true colors are interchangeable, a collection of complexities that I will never fully comprehend.

It will be free and vulnerable;
the rockets of desire;
sincere but complex. 

It will attract my mind that is only captured by the uncommon and solitary individual. The few one who is willing to drag their mind out of this world and go beyond the limit. My eyes would have seen a lot of things, from the way your words shall ignite my own to the way you hide away your crown.Your thoughts are deep and I beseech. Through you, I will find pieces of myself that were once tied with yours before we were born in this world. We might not know yet, but the love remains old and e c h o e s in the world before lifetimes. 

But all that matters is that someday I will find out that you have grown more than I ever had since all the years before we meet. And you should know that you deserve a whole lot more in the future that has been written only for the soul that remains untouched and truthful. Your soul is beautiful.

And remember that my prayers are for thou,
the heart has been longing for.

[04.28 am, dorm room, full of thoughts]

Irony

 

“The capacity to learn is a gift; The ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice” -Brian Herbert

Now that I see my country in a wider perspective from a far distance. I still could not fully comprehend why people keep on making war between each other, debating certain topics that should not be debated at all. A lot of people talk in a loud voice without knowledge claiming that what they do is to educate people yet it was all nothing but ignorance and an empty glass. They refuse to understand in the very first place.

I do not expect people to agree or believe what I believe, but I do expect people to do their own research. Everyone has a different background, moral, and motives which alter the way one sees something to put the pieces together for themselves. Well, it's not only about having the right answer, for it could be biased, but also asking the right question. 

"There is simple ignorance, not knowing, and willful ignorance that refuses to know, that covers the light of knowledge with the dark blanket of bias." -Elizabeth Moon

Thinking about it again, it is true that: sometimes, you just have to play the role of a fool to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you. Let's just play it cool. As Mark Twain said, it is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

I don't know if it's intelligence, 

or arrogance.

Well, I don't know, maybe I am a fool.

3 months or less // a reflection on year 2017

Date: 14 December 2017, today;
Time: 2:26 a - posted;
Place & Condition: living room, with blankets on and comfy pajama, the weather is quite cold after rains since morning. puffy eyes, dark circles, redness, flaky, and pimples all over the face (lol sorry). oh, and hungry.

-------------

Just a few weeks more before 2018. This year was okay. Fantastic if I may say, the dynamics of being a high schooler to a college student. The first six months of 2017 was filled with the constant chaos of exams: from school mid-term, end-term (whatever you name it), national exam, SNMPTN (though I didn't pass since the very first round kk), SBMPTN, UM/Mandiri/Simak UI, TOPIK, IELTS, and never-ending life lessons. woooww, that escalated quickly. All of this was planned the year before in 2015-2016 to prepare myself for whatever it takes in 2018. For me, 2017 is a year of execution. What I've been planning and prepared for years before were executed this year; to determine whether or not I've tried and prepared seriously for the life that I wanted. 

From July to September I was living a life as a sophomore in one of the public university in my city. The reason why I got into this university was because: this is the only university that accepted me. Period. I've never thought that university life is supposed to be like that, or maybe just there, I don't know. Or maybe just because I never wanted to be there. However, I am grateful that I still got accepted because this is a pre-requirement from my mom before I can actually choose what I want. During those times, I kept fulfilling my duty as a student there by attending courses and doing tasks just like the other, but on the other time, I was still preparing for a scholarship abroad. Yea, finally, I said it after such a long time... I used to only talk about it implicitly. Alhamdulillah things unexpectedly went good, although I still have to wait for some other final announcements.

I still have 3 months or less, before stepping into a totally new world for the next five years or less. The thing that I have always wanted (nor do I still believe that I achieved it) is in my hand now. But, when I think about it now: is it what i really wanted? 

Before deciding to take this path, I have thought over both the benefits and consequences that I will take, the opportunities that will follow and the things that I have to sacrifice in order to do that.  Once I stepped in, there is no way to go back (before such period of time) and I have to deal with whatever that I will face in the following years. Getting this once in a lifetime experience is both a blessing and trial for me. The only reason that keeps me doing and reaching for my dream is my parents. But my parents is also the reason why I don't feel like to go far away from home.

I was being pretty emotional tonight, maybe because it was 2 a.m and I was tired while the thoughts of living far away from home suddenly appeared and haunted me. I will miss the decent and unfunny jokes my family always throws every day. My family is nonsense and our joke is nowhere else to be found except in our tiny home. I will miss how much I hate being told to wash the dishes. I will miss how I always argue with my brother and laughs like a crazy although he is so annoying. I will miss the taste of my mom's home-cooked meals even though it is not as fancy as in the restaurant. I will miss my always-messy-room my dad never stops to talk about. I will miss every single thing that I hate and eventually I will realized how much I have been ungrateful for the things that has been there all the way around.

I still have 3 months or less; 

I decided to quit earlier from the university in my country even though my departure is still on next year and it is not even the end of the semester. I spent 3-4 months there and I was glad, at least, I have some new friends and knowledges. Three months might sound like a long time, but it feels like a short time now. I just want to spend more time with my family and friends before going to the other side of the world. I want to spend more time at home: even though I don't even do anything significant at home, just laying down, or doing something unnecessary. Although later I will not be completely alone, things would get lonely sometimes and I will miss every little things I never noticed here before.

So, is it still what i really wanted? 

Yes. For my parents, family, and my own sake.

"And maybe I, too, shall remember why I started.So when things go wrong or I become uncomfortable, I can still find a way to be grateful and tawakkal* for anything that may happen in the future."

-------

Note:

*Tawakkal: 

(1) Religion; Islamic belief.

(2)Tawakkal is having full faith of Allah that He will take care of you, even when things look impossible.

The Beauty in Diversity

Yesterday I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine. We started from a multicultural group chat containing French, Iranian, Koreans, Turkish, Chinese, and me, Indonesian, who speak absolutely random and nonsense (but fun!). He is younger than me, quite the same age as my brother  but I would say that he has a knowledge of more than teenagers here. So we replied to our snapgrams, and started to talk about languages. At first I was pretty shocked, because he explained to me very briefly about his native language. About how Persian is different with Arabic or the similarity of their old characters with Chinese characters. A lot of new things that I discovered (or am I just dumb I don't know) about Middle East countries etc, especially his. This is due to the fact that I very unlikely to get such information in my country. Too much... hoax. I don't know which is which anymore.

Well, let me say.. I realized how much the difference of how people from all over the world perceive the world. Complicated. Don't know how to explain, man, why English why!! But one thing that I know for sure is that we acknowledge quite similar thing, but turns out... I didn't understand pretty well. There is some abcd that I couldn't get, I mean...the things that might be usual to talk about there, is pretty unusual to talk about here. We know what we're talking about, we're on the same direction, but there is something like missing puzzles...because we live in a different countries, brought by different perspectives. But still beautiful. I don't know if it's just me, but I rarely have such conversation with locals. Things like the Middle Eastern wars, Sunni Shia, or Islam itself.

I don't know how it happened, but we ended up talking about deeper Islam. What do you mean? I don't know, just don't ask, I am confused too-_- To be honest, it was pretty awkward when we discovered ourselves being Sunni and Shia. I acknowledge that the rumours and news that spreaded in my country is quite...yea. DON'T GET ME WRONG. At first I was afraid that I might say something that would trigger "misunderstanding" between us, for I myself don't quite understand.  In my country, we rarely assume ourselves as some certain group. Though we know that some countries are majority of bla bla-muslim. We just refer ourselves as Muslim. And I absolutely have no problem about that as long as we could be tolerant to each other and prevent unintentionally conflicts.

I was afraid, I don't want to break a friendship just because a small misunderstanding. He calmed me by saying, "We all are muslim *cute emojis* take this one it's better. I told you this bcz it can make enmity" and other things that unsuitable to be posted along (because it might hurt others).

What I want you to realize is not the conversation that we had or else. But this conversation got me reflected upon the things that happened in my beloved country recently, the country of Bhinneka Tunggal Ika, Indonesia. I love differences and learn from various perspectives, it taught me to be tolerant and understand other people better. I like it the most, when I listen to people's stories about how they perceive the world or simply about how they live their life. It's not that I want to justify or forcing certain perspective or believes; I just love the beauty of tolerance in diversity. 

The heaven and the hell? It's our personal matters and the Lord's absolute right. We have no right to decide or accuse ones who deserve to enter the heaven or hell.  If we can't change the world all at once or attain world peace, at least, let's be good to each other in society as a human being.

Why do we have to war? If we can live together in peace...

May peace be upon you. Assalamu'alaikum~

Post-Graduation Reflection

Heheheheeee I am so excited. Oh finally, the day that I have always dreamed of since the first time I stepped on the yellow gate (which turned green eventually). Yeah, since the very first day. Pretty ironic I know. The thing is... I have always wanted to just get out of this place as soon as possible hehe but wouldn't I be such an ungrateful human-being? I used to think that choosing this school was the second-worst decision I've ever made in my life (sometimes I still do) but Allah showed me another way to make my life full of meanings. Mercy to Allah for His blessing that the days I spent my 3 years in high school filled with a lot of experiences, lessons, and a lot of skipped class (and research's lab activities!). The only thing that keeps me doing what I love. Alhamdulillah....

Oh. Haven't I told you? I graduated today!! YAY. I've never been this happy before. Errr..nope, I did too at the last graduation. Ehehee. Sorry, not sorry.

Talking about graduation makes me think about the old days I had spent my life in private school, how the teachers and school systems are so well-managed. The relationship between students-teachers-parents are glued and they cooperate to improve each individual's developments. Well, not to mention that it's pretty costly, but it does worth it. I am very much disappointed with the public school's schooling system, I just... really don't get the idea. In private school, I've always learned that teachers are our family who pushes us to learn about new things and develop curiosity. The first time I went to public school, I never knew, I was pretty shocked that the relationship between students and teachers (let alone the parents) is pretty...er how do I say it...unnatural and rather enmity? If I ever had the opportunity to change anything in my life, I would like to finish my 12 years of study in a private school. Despite all the circumstances, I won't regret the decision.

I remember myself doing my first-ever graduation speech as a representative of one of the private school's branch in front of Mr. Amien Rais, Indonesian political who owned the institution, even though my national exam was among the lowest. Going down the stage, Mr. Amien Rais greeted me and told me that my speech was amazing. As an elementary school student who values everything, I get so hyped by it, even though I know it doesn't have a meaning but it does affect me during the entire year. It has always been my problem. I never liked studying for grades but I love and enjoy learning that I could stay up all night to read my favorite books. Well, it's my fault though, dumping things away that I think isn't that important is one of my hobbies. Just kidding! Grades are important hahaha I am just that ignorant.

Thinking about the past today, I realized how much I have developed and changed. Both good and bad. I could feel the dynamics in my way of thinking and life's principles. Well, things are though and there are a few things I regret that I did. But so what? There always comes a lesson in every hardship. At least, now I have graduated... I am not that bright of a student no matter how hard I tried, I could never make it as a center of my focus, but I know for sure that the other things going around unnoticed are pretty much my thing. I cannot wait for the opportunities ahead, I wish it will be another good decision. See you.

De ce terrible paysage, tel que jamais mortel n'en vit...

"Quand on veut une chose, tout l'Univers conspire à nous permettre de réaliser notre rêve." -Paulo Coelho

Sometimes I am not even sure if I have chosen the right path, nor do I know if I have made a wrong decision or if it's just because I am worried about everything...basically presque tout. Just looking at my timelines, all those possibilities, and chances ahead make me dread the future so much. I always feel like I have done nothing sufficient enough. I know what I want in life and how to achieve it. I have my faith and I am so well aware that every single thing in life happens at the right time and the right place. But insecurity never leaves its place and haunts me in the dark to find its light. I don't want to look back and regret what I have done today, yet I still am doing nothing ever good enough. Nevermind I shall study though...

꿈이 있다면 절대 포기하지마라

"꿈이 있다면 절대 포기하지마라."

It means, if you have a dream... never give up on it. I have been wondering if it's okay to have my dreams hang so high up in the sky. Sometimes I even doubt myself to acquire what I want the most in life. Some people said that I was being too idealistic and I have to be somewhat realistic. I don't know, I honestly don't understand how ones ever discourage other people to do what they think it's the only right thing to do. I also don't understand how people really like to interfere other people's life like it's their freaking business.

Whoever read this, don't give up, okay?

Alasan kamu harus pakai Zenius.net sekarang juga! #ReviewZenius

"...an education isn't how much you've committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's about being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don't know."

Haloo! Selamat tahun 2017 semuanya!

Hehehe, sekali-sekali pakai bahasa Indonesia nggak papa yah, rasanya udah lama banget nggak nulis pakai bahasa Indonesia. Hmm, sebenernya alasannya bukan itu sih, tapi kali ini aku bakal ngenalin kalian semua sama "sesuatu" yang mengubah pandanganku tentang dunia, ilmu pengetahuan, psikologi, pendidikan, hidup, politik, dan lain lain. My major turning point in life selama ini adalah berkat *drumrolls*..... ZENIUS!! apaan banget ya gak jelas bgt :') Jujur aja deh tadi mau pake gue-lo gitu biar kerasa Zenius banget tapi rasanya agak kurang nyaman aja, maklum orang Jogja, ya walaupun kadang pake terms itu sama beberapa temen sih, tapi gini aja gapapa deh ya biar lebih enak hehehehe.

Apaan sih zenias zenius mulu dari tadi... emang Zenius apaan sih??

Aku mau cerita dulu deh, sebenernya aku ketemu Zenius udah sejak tiga tahun yang lalu, pertengahan kelas 10 gitu, dan seketika itu aku langsung jatuh cinta. Literally, die-hard in love dan head over heels sama Zenius!! Cie kaya apaan bgt y. Tiap hari kerjaannya mantengin website Zenius... dari pagi nontonin video-video Zenius tiba-tiba gak kerasa udah sore aja, yang gratis doang tapi, maklum gak modal. Waktu itu masih jadi regular member dan tiap kali lagi asik-asiknya nyimak penjelasan Bang Sabda, Bang Pras, dkk yang gaul dan seru abis tiba-tiba disuruh berenti gara-gara dikode suruh jadi premium member mulu. Kan kesel:( Tapi walaupun gitu, tetep aja dilanjutin cari video-video gratis yang lain... maklum bener-bener gak modal hahahaha. /plak

Berawal dari nonton video-video gratisan itu, akhirnya waktu kelas 11 aku tergoda buat jadi premium member. Caranya gampang banget! Bisa pesan online atau hubungi customer service lewat sms, pin bb, whatsapp, dan Line. Pembayarannya bisa kamu transfer lewat atm, Indomaret, dan Alfamart. Gampang kan? Untuk jadi premium member, kamu bisa milih untuk beli voucher elektrik 1 bulan - 12 bulan. Sebenernya, Zenius punya produk lagi namanya CD Multimedia Learning dan Xpedia 2.0 bentuknya CD jadi kamu nggak perlu kuota untuk mengakses videonya (produk-produk Zenius). Isinya kurang lebih hampir sama, tapi untuk Zenius Xpedia konten yang bisa kamu akses terbatas sesuai bidang yang kamu pilih sedangkan untuk Zenius.net kamu bisa akses semua konten. Detailnya tentang Xpedia, kalian bisa merujuk ke sini.

Video-video-video di Zenius itu lengkap banget deh. Kalian bisa akses semua konten dari SD kelas 1 sampai SMA kelas 3! Bahkan di setiap videonya juga ada latihan soal yang bisa kalian download beserta pembahasannya. Gak cuma materi yang lengkap banget, tapi di Zenius juga dilengkapi dengan arsip soal Ujian Nasional, SBMPTN, UM, sampai UM-Stovia pun mungkin ada! Lengkap banget gak sih? Terlebih dulu waktu kelas 10 dan 11 lumayan sering gak masuk sekolah karena bolak-balik ke lab UGM untuk ngurusin penelitian ecek-ecek anak sma. (My research experience)

Alhasil kalau dihitung dari kelas 10-11 nggak masuk sekolah bisa sampai 1-2 bulan dan ketinggalan banyak banget pelajaran dan ulangan. Giliran sekalinya masuk... langsung ulangan dan akhirnya remidial menumpuk gak karuan karena gak ngerti sama sekali, nilai-nilai jeblok, gak ngerti lagi mau ngapain dan harus mulai dari mana. (Hehe malah curhat) Maklum aja otak-ku agak lemot dan gak secepet teman-teman yang lain dalam mencerna perlajaran, akhirnya aku langsung beli yang setahun karena yakin banget bakalan kepake sampai kelas 12. Hehe.

“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.” 

― T.H. White, The Once and Future King

Sejak kenal Zenius aku mulai menyadari kalau belajar itu bisa dibawa seru dan nggak membosankan sama sekali. Serius deh... jujur aja aku orangnya agak skeptic, yang namanya belajar tuh ya di kelas apa bimbel/privat gitu, kalaupun online paling 5 menit kemudian udah lupa lagi. Dari dulu setiap ada advertising tentang online-course atau apa pasti cuma mikir, "they don't really educate their customers, do they?" "marketing strategy crap." dan sebagainya. Tapi Zenius enggak kaya gitu...gak sama sekali. Bahkan, I once sempat nyoba salah satu platform belajar online yang lain, itu lhoh yang sukanya dateng di sekolah-sekolah dan iklannya M*audy Ayunda sebut saja ****** ehehehe itulah pokoknya... tapi jadi ngantuk karena berasa belajar di kelas. "Yaelah kelas mulu gedeg juga." Bosen kali hidup rasanya di kelas mulu kaya gada tempat lain aja:') Anyway ******* users jangan butthurt ya, it is a matter of taste kok! Tapi di Zenius, belajar... tuh rasanya gak kaya belajar... (ya rasanya kaya belajar sih wkwk) tapi bener-bener enjoy dan nggak cuma menghafal, tapi kamu bener-bener didorong untuk paham konsep! 

Guys, education isn't how much you've commited to memory, or even how much you know. It's about being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don't know. Mungkin di satu titik kamu bakal merasa kamu sudah tahu, tapi semakin banyak kamu belajar, membaca, observasi, dan lain-lain kamu bakal semakin merasa kalau kamu nggak tahu apa-apa. Well, I don't know for sure but that's just how important I think education is.

"Education is not the learning of facts, but the training of the mind to think." -Albert Einstein

Esensi pendidikan yang makin lama makin hilang dari sistem pendidikan di Indonesia saat ini: rasa ingin tahu terhadap ilmu pengetahuan. Lack of curiosity. Iya benar kita sekolah, belajar dari pagi sampai sore, tapi tujuannya somehow udah bergeser jadi belajar untuk cari nilai aja. Jujur aja deh, mau bilang sesibuk apapun sebenernya kita masih selo sih, masih bisa main dan melakukan kegabutan di jam-jam kosong dan lain sebagainya. Serius deh padahal belajar itu seru banget asik parah!! Students these days study only for their grades that some people becoming ambitious, ended up cheating. Ya enggak semua sih. Gak bisa juga sepenuhnya menyalahkan satu pihak, karena dari lingkungan kita juga dituntut seperti itu. Though, we are blessed with brains to choose what to do sih;) Akhirnya dari situ makin lama generasi kita makin kehilangan integritas dan bisa memicu bigger problems in the future; corruption etc. Do you really want to see your country suffers because of our ignorance? 

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world" - Nelson Mandela

Gara-gara Zenius juga, sekarang aku kelas 12 sering banget ditanyain "Kamu bimbel dimana?" dan pertanyaan sejenis lainnya. Dan jawabanku selalu "Aku nggak bimbel. Zenius aja" cielah dan responnya macem-macem, dari "Zenius?" "Zenius apaan buset" "Kamu udah jenius gitu maksudnya?" Lah nilai aja do re mi fa sol-_- Sampe-sampe kadang di kelas berasa jadi spg Zenius tiap hari ditanyain Zenius mulu. Bang Glenn, ini gak ada hadiah khusus buat promosi gratis ya? /plak  Hm selain itu juga aku mager-an sih dan lebih suka belajar sendiri di rumah soalnya bisa belajar di kamar sambil joget-joget sambil nonton youtube dan makan atau sambil tiduran eh malah terus ketiduran. Lah ga belajar dong-_-

Dulu waktu kelas 9 sempat ikut bimbel sih, tapi biasalah kaya anak-anak pada umumnya, sering nggak masuk karena mager. Hehe. Belajar tuh moodnya ganti-ganti, kalo aku personally mood belajar biasanya baru muncul waktu malam hari atau midnight. Lagian enak banget kali di zaman yang udah serba canggih where humans rely on technology dan somehow glued to their phone 24/7, kenapa nggak dimanfaatin aja buat hal yang baik? Kaya salah satu quotes yang ada di homepage Zenius

"Social media is an investment of valuable time and resources. Surround yourself with something worthwhile." 

Rather than being dumb people who uses smartphones, why don't break the stereotype by yourself? Salah satunya dari memulai kebiasaan memanfaatkan internet untuk hal yang baik. Gara-gara ini juga, sekarang setiap mau melakukan sesuatu jadi mikir "Do I really want to invest my time on this?" atau ketika download aplikasi di hp mikir lagi, "Does it really worth it? Output apa yang bakal didapet dari ini melakukan hal ini dan ini?" 

Tapi, ikut bimbel juga gak salah kok!! Justru aku salut banget sama orang-orang yang semangat bimbel/privat (dan gak mager-an kaya aku :') wkwk), lagipula selagi ada waktu, tenaga, dan resources kenapa engga? Dijamin gak akan nyesel. OH! Anyway Zenius tuh ada bimbel-nya juga lho!! Di daerah Jakarta tapi gatau dimana yang pasti engga ada di Jogja. Mungkin kalo Zenius X ada di Jogja, aku bakal pertimbangin ikut bimbel juga sih hehehe. Apapun pilihan kalian dalam belajar semuanya pasti baik, pokoknya jangan sampe lupa sama esensi mencari ilmu pengetahuan deh. 

Hmm balik lagi ke Zenius nih setelah ngelantur panjang. Nah, di Zenius ini kalian selain bisa nonton video-video pembelajaran, kalian bisa baca artikel-artikel keren di blog Zenius.

Wah ada juga? 

Iya dong. Udah dibaca semua malah, HUAHAHAHA hardcore emang parah serem abis #loveisblind, update lagi dong!:( Berawal dari situ aku jadi tau konsep Deliberate Practice. Apaan tuh? Jadi Deliberate Practice adalah... ah ga seru kalo aku jelasin, mending kalian baca langsung artikel Deliberate Practice-nya Bang Sabda.. Yang pasti, I learn the hard way that talent is overrated dan sebenernya kita bisa melakukan apapun yang kita pengen lakukan through deliberate practice itu sendiri. Idih apaan sih makin bingung? Wkwk yang penting baca aja deh dijamin bakal memotivasi kalian semua! W a j i b. (Hmm, kalo gamau baca kalian bisa dengerin audio nya juga kok!) Tapi harus ya. Hahaha #maksa

huaha nemu nih

Aku mau cerita lagi nih, cerita mulu perasaan, jadi sejak SMA kebiasaan membacaku agak menurun gitu. Dari dulu sebenernya suka baca... dari SD udah sok-sokan baca bukunya Janice Vancleave yang Proyek-Proyek Ilmu Bumi (walapun gak selesai juga sih hehe), buku-buku ensiklopedia, novel detektif, novel classics, dan terutama yang berbau astronomi! Suka banget. I AM IN LOVE WITH ASTRONOMY FOR AGES. (I wrote a few articles related to astronomy before) Sebenernya ini juga kode pengen dikasih buku sih abisnya science and astronomy-related semua:P

Sejak SD sampai awal SMA selera buku-ku ya genre-nya ya antara itu (except teen-lit, though I read classic love stories too). Terus waktu itu iseng baca bukunya Merry Riana (eng-ver) terus mulai termotivasi lagi, Kak Merry rekomen bukunya Anthony Robbins yang Awaken The Giant Within. Akhirnya langsung beli dan suka banget! As in banget banget. Akhirnya mulai deh haus buku lagi.. cari rekomendasi di goodreads, book-bloggers, sampai akhirnya ketemu postnya Bang Glenn (buku part 1, part 2) dan Bang Sabda (referensi buku) ... akhirnya makin hyped setelah tau genre buku yang disukai mirip banget! Maaf ya nyama-nyamain:( Dari dulu yang gak pernah kepikiran tentang business & motivational books because I thought itu bukunya buat orang tua (pemikiran yang salah banget emang). Ehh malah sekarang... buku favoritku adalah 7 Habits of  Highly Effective People-nya Stephen Covey!!

Nggak nyesel dulu ngikutin saran rekomendasi buku dari tutor-tutor Zenius yang keren abis, kalau di toko buku pasti selalu sempet-sempetin buka references dari Zenius. Ambil ini, ambil itu, kembaliin ini, ambil ini, ambil lagi... pulang-pulang bisa bawa 3-4 buku. Gara-gara Zenius. #puttheblameonzenius #loveisblind2 Bahkan akhir-akhir ini lagi suka baca tentang wars dan politics. Genre apapun dibaca, tujuannya ya untuk broaden my horizon dan insights. Setelah itu jadi sadar, kalau buku-buku kaya gitu definitely worth to read dan life-changing! I see the world in a different way in a matter of perspective. Very much. Significant. 

Sejak aku baca artikel-artikel di Zenius, aku sadar bahwa di umur-umur kita saat ini dimana tenaga kita masih banyak, kita masih mampu untuk belajar dan bekerja, explore  as much as you can apapun itu entah leadership, ikut organisasi, social programmes, research, observe, learn new things, etc. I learn the hard way that I shall invest my youth with beneficial activities. Zenius juga mengubah konsep time management aku, dari yang awalnya time oriented... yang justru bikin aku ngerasa tertekan dan kewalahan menjadi task oriented dimana aku tetep bisa menyelesaikan tasks-tasks dan ngelakuin hal-hal lain yang aku suka.

Hasilnya apa? Di tahun 2016 lalu aku belajar beberapa bahasa asing baru: French, Japanese, and Korean all by myself. Bukan maksud sombong, jujur aja kalo ditanya skill seberapa masih sangat-sangat basic. Tapi selain belajar bahasa-bahasa itu, aku juga belajar their way of thinking. Temen-temen beberapa ada yang tanya "How did you learn all those languages?" "Kamu gak capek apa nambah-nambahin tugas aja?" I don't know... I just did. How? Because I am happy doing it. School may not determine our future, but I somehow believe that what you do in your spare time for good things could determine your future.

Buat temen-temenku, yang saat ini mungkin masih kelas 12 juga dan bentar lagi bakal ikut SNMPTN, SBMPTN, UN, UM, UTUL apapun itu, mau impian kalian di PTN A, B, C atau PTS, atau malah pengen study abroad. Just believe in yourself. Bahkan meskipun orang-orang menghina/mock and let you down, don't stop believe in yourself. You may not be the brightest student di kelas nor you have any achievements, but you surely have something within yourself yang orang lain enggak punya. Kalau bukan kamu yang percaya dan push yourself to the limits, siapa lagi?

“A star falls from the sky and into your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. And then you have to put it back into the sky. And it's the most painful thing you'll ever have to do and that you've ever done. But what's yours is yours. Whether it’s up in the sky or here in your hands. And one day, it'll fall from the sky and hit you in the head real hard and that time, you won't have to put it back in the sky again.” 

― C. JoyBell C.

Hmmm gitu deh sekilas cerita tentang Zenius. Sebenernya masih pengen cerita panjaaaaaaaaang banget tapi nanti kalian capek bacanya :( (iya kalo dibaca:((( ) wkwk. Gadeng, I am happy enough to share this with all of you guys. And I hope it helps, though thousand gratitudes and praises would never enough to express how happy I am being one of Zenius member. Ciao. To summarize, ini kelebihan dan kekurangan Zenius menurut opiniku...

Kelebihan: 
- "In depth concept mastery through insight AND addictive drills" Bener banget! Kita bener-bener dilatih untuk paham konsep dan bukan sekedar menghafal.
- Guru privat 24/7!! Gak nyaranin sks sih, tapi kalau kepepet dan sakaw fisika... boleh dicoba.
- The reason why learning is one of my hobby right now
- Lebih dari 46.000 video dan 2,7 modul ter-download!
- Affordable price yet really worth it.
- Jempol friendly! Bisa diakses lewat pc, tablet, smartphone, laptop, etc. (Mobile-designnya juga ringan banget)
- Mind Transforming, claimnya sih "More than just Ulangan / UN / SBMPTN.. postulates, evolution, war histories etc... you’ll love them like you never have before." No lies. You'll love it as much!!
- SUPER FUN!! Jujur aja  jokesnya kocak dan garing at the same time mana sukanya muncul di tengah-tengah video sampe bisa ngakak tengah malem hahaha...
-; dll. (dll ini pokoknya banyak banget deh:( )
Couldn't be any happier and grateful udah dipertemukan sama Zenius, positive positive positive:) Gak ngerti aku jadinya kaya apa kalo nggak pakai Zenius. Terimakasih! #terharu

Kekurangan:
Nothing. Well, beberapa video ada yang suaranya gemeresek-gemeresek gitu sih but it's not a big deal to me. #loveisblind3
Not being biased but I am supeeeeeer satisfied.

Rate:11/10 (hehe mesin rate-nya rusak/

Tapi... aku masih bingung nih harus beli produk yang mana... bantuin huhuhu:(

Daripada bingung, coba kalian baca lagi ulasannya Bang Glen nih: Kalo belajar pake Zenius, mending pake produk yang mana?


Catatan:
Saat ini masih kelas 12 jadi kalau ditanya impact langsung belajar dari Zenius untuk pengalaman masuk SBMPTN, UM, dsb belum ada (kaya pengalaman-pengalaman Zenius users lainnya), tapi semoga aja Zenius ngebantu banget untuk masuk SBMPTN nantinya. Mohon doanya ya!! Hehe ^^ Anyway, request buku science populernya yah klo berkesempatan:P

Thoughts on Pride & Prejudice: why is it needed to blame Mr. Darcy's manner

Things shall not perish in a period of time unless we know the reason why. If I ever had a chance to sue anyone in this world, either fictional or real, I thought it would be a pleasure for me to sue our daringly charming Mr. Darcy from Pemberley. For he is responsible for my outlast decision and consideration in high expectations towards men, ever in the universe. Mr. Darcy is a perfect portrait of an ideal man any women would die for, well at least for those who understand this, or just me. Whatever. Unlike the others, he tends to stick in his own mind and personal principles rather than usual men we found in everyday life. Recently. Though.

“I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding— certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.” 

I am falling in love with the words classic authors had invented, something that I would never find in modern books nowadays. I have always been admiring Jane Austen, as she is one of my favorite classic author along with L.M Montgomery and Hans Christian, for their books and beautiful poetic lines. Not until I had finished the series of beautiful unspoken love for the sake of pride and out willingly to sense each other's attraction in demeanor manner. It was rather difficult to choose something in between keeping the pride or losing it for awhile and left the guilt for years. Sometimes we even caught up in such moment where our prejudice is worth even more than anything we could ever ask. Not even in people's perception, whom I supposed to know nothing but daresay to speak up their unresponsible opinion, or perhaps... nonsense. Unfortunately to say that there is least people who are concerning in this issue. But rather the feeling of astonishing young ladies' deliberated minds in Georgian era still fascinated me the most. Very well-mannered in every aspects. 

I was watching Pride and Prejudice and I came across into a reasoning in which made my head spinning around. Terribly. Well, probably because of my obsession towards Mr. Darcy for his intelligence and gentlemanlike manner. As sophisticated as he is. What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant? As a brother, a landlord, a master, she considered how many people's happiness were in his guardianship!—how much of pleasure or pain was it in his power to bestow!—how much of good or evil must be done by him! Every idea that had been brought forward by the housekeeper was favourable to his character. Lucky Lizzie.

For he is, all anyone ever wants. Cold-headed, stubborn, efficient, and calm in crisis. In intellectual competence, in addition to other varying degrees of competence (wealth, humour, beauty, etc), and thus declares his love for you in an incredibly awkward manner. He doesn’t know how to express himself, and that’s endearing. And of course, lovely accent. Ardently. Doesn't he?

Or, again, it was just me who feel that way?

[Day 6] How I come across Blogspot and how my life has changed since joining

"I know, that someday I'll laugh at this posts and feel stupid after all. But, I just want to create the best memories I can. I want to remind myself, that through the hard times in life, we should always share happiness and joy within ourselves."

Okay so let's just forget about how many days I skipped, I'll just get going with the challenge~^^;;;
Warning! It's gonna be a long post!

I started blogging since I was in grade 6 in elementary school, that was the moment when I've always nagged my mom and dad to give me my personal email account and sign me up for facebook which most of my friends already had. My parents said I couldn't have it yet because my age was still under the minimum requirement and I keep asking for it by saying, "my friends already have it, why can't I?". Internet was new thing these days and parents were aware of this issue, you know child kidnapping and etc. Some of them even made one without telling their parents. I don't even know why am I even feeling so scared to break the rules, the fact that I've never felt under pressure, they never mad or screamed at me.

So when my friends are talking about what was happening on facebook and etc how the post on each other walls and stuff (now it sounds ridiculous, why do I even nagged for it), I just keep listening and "whoa." while my parents keep saying no so I thought, well maybe it's just not this time. I've never tried to break the rules, I was kinda obedient these days. Like most children, who has not even through puberty yet, I've always curious about everything and I just want to try everrrrrything. And there comes a day when my mother gave me one, and the rule is she must know everything that I do on the internet. I didn't know why back then and I just agreed since my mind already conceiving new things I'll discover soon. Well, I just realized that everything they did for me was for good and my safety. I don't know if internet can be this harmful and useful at the same time, it depends.

The url never changed since the very first day, it's still the same. I remember the first blog layout was magenta pink and titled "Febby's world" (uh-huh what). Ok, my world. And I felt as if I have my new own space to pour my thoughts about everything. I used to write short stories and personal experiences (I still do). I made friends with those who were crazy over HSM (High School Musical)!! HSM was so lit and our forever otp was Troy and Gabriella and that's it! My blogger friends; Eno, who is my chairmate and my crazy-over-hsm-and-astronomy friend since elementary school; Mbak Keisha Lyubiana (and Katya, Astrid, Amel if you still remember me!), I nearly choked when re-read our decent emails about hsm and blogger things; Athaya Syafadira, who is always been an amazing person! I always envied you because you've travelled in a lot of places! Hehe; Margaretha Lie, I don't know if you still remember me, you are famous now and have grown to be a veryyy beautiful and stylish person! If you remember how decent you was in our emeil conversation, I also really enjoyed different religion kind of conversation back then; and my childhood internet friends whom I cannot mention one by one. I love you guys, a lot!

Then I stopped blogging for one or two years because I just don't know what to post anymore. And I came back after a few years decided to do something else started by changed its title to "A Hot Marshmallow" and a few changes for the background and widgets. The title, I don't have any idea why I picked that hot marshmallow whatsoever, I think I was just inspired by Diana Rikasari's hot chocolate and mint. I started to blog with my very poor English ability, to improve my English and self-improvement. I really adore Evita Nuh! Her English and French ability, her sense towards fashion, her personal life basically, and her everything that she accomplished at such a young age; 12 years old! I achieved nothing when I was her age, she is even one year younger than me. She inspired me a lot and I thought I  should do that too!

I also joined a lot of blog giveaways after I found out Kak Elsa and Dija's blog! I joined my very first giveaway held by Kak Elsa, and I won! I won it and be the youngest participant, I was sooo happy. The giveaway was to write a letter for Dija, so that she can read it in the future, when she turns 17. Kak Elsa is really sweet and amazing person!! Hahaha, and now Dija has grown sooo beautiful as always. And there came a time when I suddenly get a few proposals for endorsements and sponsorship for this blog, I've never imagined it before. My first giveaway was sponsored by one of the international glasses company, it wasn't that big but I felt so content to finally held a giveaway. This experiences taught me a lot on how to negotiate for a quite long time with a company from another country before we finally deal with each other's agreement. I had no experience on how to negotiate, nor to write formal emails, with my very basic English understanding. I barely remember what I did.

I don't remember exactly when did I changed the title to Amortentia, I was inspired by the potions in Harry Potter and I thought it sounds cool. So I made a few changes again. I am feeling like my English has gotten better, not good, just better. And until now, I am still keeping up with my main goal, self-improvement. Now, this is also a place for me to share whatever is going on in my life, my random thoughts, Islamic related things, and also to practice my language skills other than English. I know, that someday I'll laugh at this posts and feel stupid after all. But, I just want to create the best memories I can. I want to remind myself, that through the hard times in life, we should always share happiness and joy within ourselves.

Through the stop and continue in blogging. At times, I am feeling like "well, no one would read this anyway", but I don't really care because I just love to write and my main goal still is a self-improvement on the first place!  I often reviewed my previous post, I laughed every time I re-read those childhood memories and old posts. How I was thinking my English was quite good, but the reality is I don't go anywhere (esp the post in 2013-less!). What a pity. I nearly cried (for laughing) to read my old posts. But, I don't regret it at all. No matter how many mistakes I made with the grammar or the content itself, my very basic knowledge towards everything, I am happy that I had gotten this awareness in such a fairly young age.

[Day 5] How important I think education is

Education is SO important like...even if it is so hard, you know the struggle, sacrifices, and the minutes to hours to years we spend our time in it People really should educate themselves. For their own sake. For everyone sake. For this generation sake. I wasn't talking about the education system, because honestly...sorry to say, it is such a crap nowadays. I don't even have to mention it, people would agree (except to some countries which their education system are superb, hands down). I have no idea, how schooling really works. So basically, we get to kindergarten at the age of 6 or 7 (you might also experience playground stage earlier) and then an elementary school for 6 years and every student just progresses to junior high school to high school and then the so-called-though-university life.

I don't know if this education system really works, where we are educated to...memorise? rather than to learn. I mean, we can see...that, somehow, this kind of system creates a generation of a cheater because our education system values grade more than honesty, integrity, and the value of learning itself. Even though it is actually their own choice whether they choose to "cheat and get a great result which is basically not their right" or "do the best and just whatever with the result". Both, have impacts in short and long terms. The first type might get satisfied and enjoy the short term moments where they don't have to worry to do remedial, and the second probably...you know. And in long terms, I don't want to guess and make a stereotype for people like that, but...the second type might value honesty, even more, therefore, we need this kind of people to lead the world. Well, it doesn't rule out of the possibilities that there is fate and people can change and repent. But both actions, carved people's character, with or without them realizing it. Anyway, there is no harm in repeating good thing, so why bother?

And by the importance of education itself means the urge of seeking for knowledge. Even Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "The seeking of knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim." - Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 74. Mashaallah! I always keep it to myself...whenever and from whoever I seek for the knowledge, I always remind myself that knowledge should keep me humble. We should seek for knowledge not to point out that other people are wrong so we can judge them easily, it doesn't mean we can say a bad thing to others because we think we are better than them. Who are you to judge? The more knowledge we have, the more humble we should be. Instead, we are becoming judgemental. (I remember I heard it from the lecture of Nouman Ali Khan, he really is an inspiration, may Allah bless him). Judgemental can lead you to be arrogance and ignorance, how terrible will that be?

Anyway, I've always wanted to share this video I found on YouTube made by a YouTuber, his most viral video was about "The Meaning of Life", you should check that too. I would be very happy if you want to watch this! :) Remember, keep educating yourself and leave what the media says.

[Day 4] My middle name and how I feel about it

ok so literally i just skipped 7 days of this 30-day-blogging challenge...

posting a post every single day is a hard thing to do. geez, seriously.

Whenever I told my middle name as my nickname in demand, I got these reactions...

"your name is beautiful." "can i have your name?" "aurora, like...the princess?" "i love your name" "your name sounds better" "holy shit you have a cool name" or even something like this, "when i was 7, i used to ask my mom to change my name to aurora" and I was like, really?

I honestly really adore my middle name over my surname and last name (sorry guys but middle name wins). I often asked my mom and dad about the meaning of my name and they're never really sure about it. I once asked my mom about my name and she was like,

"go ask your dad, he really wants that name for the first daughter. I don't know." so I was pretty happy that day and decided to ask dad and he was like, "me neither.".

I mean yeah probably they just made it up like, "ah right maybe t goes better with this" "nah this name fits." "what's the whole meaning actually?" "i don't know.".

Ok, I am so done with this. I also really love it because it sounds like..aw-raw-rah or aw-roar-uh or whatever. And also because it is close with the word "Auror" as in Harry Potter which is an elite group of witches and wizards, loyal to the Ministry of Magic (Harry and Ron are Auror!) so I am feeling like "y'all right imma have a cool name"

Trying to find the answer but ended up with nothing, I decided to look it up to our fairy godmother nowadays, Google. I was stuck within a moment and thinking, well done...hand clapping for my own self to honor my own self (lol I just self-praising). The description of aurora, Aurora borealis and australis to be precise, quite made me feel a bit overwhelming. But for my opinion, I think it is enchanting, stunning, and...regal? Smh.

Ah~! I remembered, back to the old days when I was in kindergarten, my favorite natural phenomenon was the magical magnetic-phenomenon-whatsoever-something-happens-upper-the-atmosphere, the aurora. My favorite princess among the Disney princesses was princess Aurora too. Both are simply because we share a same name and I thought it was cool. Both the electrical phenomenon and the disney princess are gorgeously beautiful and it always got me thinking, when will I get the beauty too? Feels unfair how they got that easily while I have to work for it. kkk just kidding. Well, one thing is true about it is...my middle name is Aurora and I sleep like Princess Aurora...except, I don't sleep beautifully. I get sleepy most of the time and I really like to take a nap and sleep and sleep. And I do this.

netflix and chill (ain't got netflix 'cause no money to pay bills)

 And instead, I woke up like this.
 ok sorry if this thing scared you. 

[Day 3] Your Top 5 Pet Peeves

Assuming that anyone who has different opinion or belief is stupid. I don't get it why some people can't respect other people's opinions, whether it is their belief and views toward any matters. Close-mindedly thinking that their opinion is the truest and cannot be turned down. I think it is such a big turn-off.

People who try to make conversations when I am reading and/or listening music/whatever with earphones on. It really gets on my nerves. When someone assumes that when we are reading a book that we are "doing nothing" and therefore can be interrupted, repeatedly. Sometimes all I need is solitude and locked myself from the real life with my favorite books and drowns to a fantasy without worrying about anything else. It is my own way for self-loving, and I need that in life. Some other time, I just don't want to talk with anyone. 

People who finds everything to complain about. Those who blame anything but themselves for their own failure. Well, I do complain about a lot of things too, but I am trying as hard to finish and deal with it as soon as I get my mood back. At least I tried.

People that simply cannot take their trash to the trash bin in places. Littering everywhere or throwing paper trash or whatever it is through your car window. Or throw their empty bottles or cans to everywhere they like (and inside pots) and never felt guilty of it.

Smoking in public area. I really cannot stand smoke, especially cigarettes. And people who do this in public, while they're driving, or talk. And their breath smells like cigarettes. Or they smoke in public and the smoke goes everywhere all over people's face and they keep suck it, though you realized that people around them are closing their nose and gazed at them. Even if their clothes smells like cigarettes. Seriously?

That's my top 5 pet peeves (I wish I could add more) and that's really...really annoying, not only for me but also other people. So, what are your pet peeves?

[Day 2] Stuff I am not good at (and that's ok)

Stuff I am not good at means...basically, my weaknesses? There are many things I am not good at and sometimes I am feeling like extra-useless and be like "did you forget your promises for self-improvements?!". I'll be like rushing to do this and that and the next day I will be like, "catch up later.", or "Nah, just, not now.", "it's raining. my blankets are missing me. I knew it." and goes to "what a lovely sunny day, I'd rather go to sleep." and a bunch of lines like that. 

To not being lazy is like the hardest game ever, I know it's everyone's major problem, maybe 97% of the world's population. The rest 3% are just super rare and unique and congratulations you guys are so lucky can I be you!? 

Seeing someone else is crying, I'll cry too without any specific reason in all of sudden. Somebody, could you please explain to me why and please tell my eyes to stop pouring salty-waters just by seeing others cry.

Eat a lot and gain weight. I am that type of people who eats like an elephant but my body keeps looking like a peppero or pocky stick. You're welcome. (I want to gain at least 5 kgs more but it's so hard for the sake of healthiness)

Staying clean and tidy, this. This, I TRY SO HARD TBH. I might have cleaned it on a day with all the energy and all might I have left, but the next day it will come back again to super chaos. A wrecked ship and stuff. Clothes, bread crumbs, water bottle are everywhere. Books and paper are scattering all over the floor. And my mom be yelling, "why no one helps me" and "we don't raise you to create titanic honey"

I am not good at doing just one thing. It's hard to just focus on one thing. Multi-task. I like multitasking and I read on certain sources from the internet that it's not good to multitasking, doing one thing at a time is much much better to keep yourself on track, they said. 

Being on time. I like to endure and this is where most of the problems lie. Time-management is like the most crucial thing in the world and I am trying so hard at this but whyyyy myself why

Of all the things I am not good at, living in the real world is perhaps the most understanding. And really, people, we should stop spending our time wondering why we're not good enough. Everyone has the things they're not good at, and that's okay! ^^

[Day 1] The Difference Between My Personal and Internet Self

Honestly, I've never thought about it; the difference between my personal and internet self? Wouldn't it be just the same? I am the same person to the person I am on the internet, am I? Thinking that I might be wrong for these thoughts in the first place, I realized that our personal and internet self is likely to have huge differences. Yes, it does.

For this post, I decided to take the famous psychology personality test by Carl Jung and Briggs Myers today, again (Click this link if you want to know yours!). The result is I am an INFJ. The INFJs are sometimes mistaken as an extrovert because we appeared so outgoing and enjoying the accompany of other people. But honestly, it's just the opposite, we are true introverts and rather to spend our time alone. I do. Tranquility and solitude enthusiasts. You know, we are daydreamers.

I honestly, like super honest, I love being alone and I hate being around people and crowds, although I am noisy and speaks a lot. I don't know, I am not quite sure about that too...maybe I am an extrovert? It is also stated that "Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills." wHOA. I don't know but this is so true. I basically...I hardly say things verbally but I am feeling like I am quite good or better if I write it down, compose words between spaces for numerous times on a daily basis. I was always interested in-depth, everything with such deep meanings, whatever it is. I love linguistics and various kind of knowledge, maybe that's why I love languages. Languages are like super aesthetic and attractive. Don't you think so?

To distinguish my personal and internet self...I honestly don't know how should I write about it, I, myself, it's hard to distinguish them. But maybe like I said, maybe, sometimes people misunderstood me for being an extrovert. Or I don't know. Some people also didn't understand my personal deeply held principles. And you know things like...how we treat some things differently or my views toward particular things like religion, knowledge, society, commitment, love, education, and life itself.

Everyone is free to choose and determine their life principles, so why bother forcing other people to use your principles? I mean, just deal with it. And things like, idk, I also use the sarcasm language a lot too. I am not cool and not smart-headed, but I like learning and enjoy its process. I perhaps seemed like good at languages, but tbh I am not fluent, I am just currently working on it. They said, "Fake it 'till you become it.", so I fake it and perhaps I'll become it. That's my way for self-improvement. I sometimes being insecure about how people might have been disappointed by me, because I am not the person they expected me to be, and things like that. I also really envy those people in such young ages like in their early 11-17s, or way younger than that, they already invented remarkable and amazing inventions. The young researchers. Also, the young hafiz-hafizah (people who memorized the Qur'an), Masha Allah. And I thought, what have I gained during my 17 years on earth? Why am I wasting my precious time?! etc. I get insecure all the time. We are all the same, and I think most people already experienced it too, so did the elders and etc.

Whatever we are in both real and internet self, just go through it. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase. It's just a phase, a metaphor.