走りつづけるだけさ!

明日もし、上手くいかなくったって
立ち止まらない
欲しいのは　次のマイセルフ
誰かにもし、これ以上は無駄って
ライン引かれたって
ノーサンキュー！！　越えていくから

Even if things don’t go well tomorrow,

I won’t ever stand still;

What I desire is my next “self”!

If someone were to draw the line,

Saying that it’s impossible to go any further,

I’d say, “No, thank you!!” ’cause I’m gonna go beyond!

「SPYAIR アイム・ア・ビリーバー」

あの。。今は午前中に2時10分です。数時間で、中間試験があります。私は物理学からの脱出しています。もう知りませんね、難しい。たいへんですね　T＿T 私は誇張しているだけ。そのことわないですよね。私はむしろ週間の言語の束を勉強したいと思うだろう。まあ、私はそれを強調しておりません。私の心は何かを考えています、到達しにくいもの。「なにが楽しいんだ？」と人は言うけれど。それは俺にもわからない。走りつづけるだけさ。とにかく、この歌は私を幸せにします。それはだから...私の夢に私を思い出させます。がんばりましょう！

You know what. It is 2.10 am in the morning and there will be mid-term exam just in a few hours. I am kind of...escaping from Physics because I can no longer take the equations anymore. I was exaggerating, I am just not into it. I'd rather studying bunch of languages for weeks. Well, I am not really stressing about it, but my mind is running off somewhere to a dream that is kinda hard to reach. People keep asking me "What's so fun about it?" I don't really understand about it too... But I think I'll just keep on running. Anyway, this song makes me happy, because it reminds me to my dreams. Let's do our best! 

Don't let life randomly kick you into the adult you don't want to become~^^

Acrostic Constellations

I often found myself gazing at Orion constellation, 

mumbled "There he is, the great hunter," 

you must be trustworthy, holds the story of million years

And I will follow my finger 

traced the big bear in the northern hemisphere, 

"Don't you miss your minor, Sir Ursa Major?"

Or if I am lucky enough, 

I can see our little barred spiral Milky Way galaxy among other galaxies, 

hundred light-years across

Ah, what about the shooting star? 

I know... it is just a glimpse of stardust, 

one miles away across my dirty lenses

And at times our eyes whirred comet-like 

Tracing its way to the wise constellations, 

like the entire atmosphere of Venus blows across the face of the planet in 4 days

I am afraid that I have loved the stars too fondly

To be fearful of the night

That it can leads to a self-destruct

Maybe John Green was right,

No one could ever fathom their thoughts into constellations

For Jupiter has promised Saturn

I wish I was as beautiful as my middle name, Aurora

much like an aurora borealis geomagnetic storm

I thought it was daringly magical, a touch of beautiful smitten

Though I am not

[23.2.2016-00.09 p.m]

**author's note

idk whether i can call it a poem or not,

i will never stop amazed by the beauty of the entire universe,

and my words will never be enough to describe nor express my endless amazement. 
mashaAllah. i am grateful...

I met Kamen Rider OOO and Attack on Titan Cast!! / 仮面ライダーオーズと新劇の巨人を会いました！！

「２０１６年２月９日」

２月９日に私は渡部秀（わたなべしゅう）を会いました！　「ちょっと。。。Febby、彼は誰ですか？」どこからともなく誰かが言いました。へえ！彼を知りませんか？　じゃ～リプレイしましょう！

私は。。。仮面ライダーオーズを会いました！「うーわ！！　あの。。誰ですか？」勝手にしろ！「何がこの女の子とは...」私はあなたが聞こえるよ。じゃ！渡部秀は仮面ライダーオーズと新劇の巨人の俳優です。仮面ライダーオーズの英語中で、彼は火野 映司（ひのえいじ）です。変身！その間、新劇の巨人の映画中ではフクシです！かっこいいね~ 本当ですか？本当に！！昨日は彼を会いました～！本当に本当に本当に！夢を見ていないですよ！笑　「やめる！」

  

I met Watanabe Shu on February 9th!! "Umm..Febby, who is he?" said somebody out of nowhere. Heee! You don't know him?? Well, let me replay~

I...met Kamen Rider OOO! "uwaaa~! um.. who's that?" Go away! "Geez..what is with this girl." I can hear you tho. Well! Watanabe Shu is an actor in Kamen Rider OOO and Attack on Titan (Shingeki no Kyojin) movies. He was Hino Eiji in Kamen Rider OOO! Henshin!!(re: transformation) Meanwhile, in Attack on Titan he was playing as Fukushi who was a new recruit for the Survey Corps. Cooooollll ain't it? I met him yesterday, for real. Really really really!!  It wasn't a dreaaaaam ! Stop it.

Some characters didn't appear in the Live Action

Watanabe Shu as Fukushi in AOT Live Action

Takeda Rina and Watanabe Shu

私は彼に日本語を話しました。でも、私の日本語はまだ悪いので、それはとても恥ずかしい事だった！私は映画についての彼に自分の感想を話しました。その後、彼は　「楽しかった？」と言いました。ああ！私も彼に水原 希子大ファンだということを言いました。しかし、私の愛はレヴィアッカーマンのためにまだ大きいです！私はあまりにも彼に言っている必要があります！(ライブアクションにはレヴィ・アッカーマンはありません. きらいだから！T_T) 彼のディンプルがとてもかわいいです。とてもかっこよかった。私たちが話していたとき、私のお母さんは写真をとりました。びっくりしました！写真はよく見ますね～私は後悔しています。

 We spoke Japanese yesterday, but it was so embarrassing because my Japanese is still so bad. Like, so bad. Trust me. I perhaps sounded like a squeaky squirrel. I told him about my feelings towards the movie and then he asked me whether it was fun or nah. And I forgot the other conversations because I was too nervous. Oh! I also told him that I am a big fan of Mizuhara Kiko. But my love for Levi Ackerman is waaaaay bigger than that. I should've told him that too! (Too bad that there is no Levi Ackerman in the live-action. Haaaaayt it.) His dimples are so cute!! I can't help it like really..he was kakkoii~ Cooler in person. I was so surprised too because my mom took pictures of us while we were talking. And it turned out good! 

LEVIIIIIIII!!! *nosebleed*

NOTICE ME SENPAI!!!!!!!

次の日、私は彼と一緒にボロブドゥール寺院に行く必要がありますが、学校がありました！悲しいЩ(º̩̩́Дº̩̩̀щ)　しかし、彼は私のお母さんに署名をくれました。本当にありがとうございます！私たちは、変身ポーズでし持っている必要があります！またすぐにお会いできたらうれしいよ！その時によって、私の日本語が改善されました！笑　

The next day, I should go to Borobudur Temple with them but there was school so..you know what happens next. But, he then gave a signature for me to my mom! I didn't expect it. Thank you soooo much!! I regret..we should have done the henshin pose! T_T

I am so glad to meet you, and I hope we can meet again someday (in Japan)!! And I hope by that time, my Japanese has improved!! kkkk

Black Coffee

"The way I dove, starved all the fears and tasted all the thoughts I kept coiled beneath my bones. The way that bitterness flows through my dry throat. That's what I used to."

The door swung open as I walked in leading my tired feet to a vintage-looking coffee shop. I always come here every Sunday, at least twice a month. The waitress knew I'd come here and they will always have prepared a cup of green tea latte on their table with my name already written on it. I asked them why and they told me so that they can give it as soon as I come.

"Green tea latte, as always. Right, Miss?"

"I would like black coffee today. No sugar."

Her eyes grew bigger, trying to confirm what I just said. "No sugar, Miss? You've always had green tea latte." She let out a chuckled. I smiled and nodded yes. "Okay then. Size?"

"Tall venti in a grande cup. Please."

I've never had coffee in 17 years. I never liked the taste of coffee, I've never used to it. It is too strong and bitter for my tongue. I've always ordered a green tea latte with a cup of sugar, it was much much too sweet than bitter. It tasted more like a honeydew melon or something, but it was actually a green tea after a few sips. I don't know why do I am feeling like to have a black coffee, I am feeling like today is different and I should have something different.

"Black coffee, no sugar?" She looked unsure and frowned her thick eyebrows, feeling as worried as I may see. I arched a smile trying to look as obvious as I could until she felt assured enough and put it on my table along with a book I just bought and left. I gulped and eyed my first cup of coffee warily, a black coffee with no sugar to be precise. The fear-filled my empty stomach and it fills me with a very hesitant feeling. I checked the clock, 12:17, I was waiting for the small needle reach the twelve as I put my earphones on, lifted the cup. Weary with the burden of long-closed eyes, I took a sip with my eyes closed. And slumber. Exhaustion.

"....내 절망관 상관없이. 
무심하게도 아침은 날 깨우네...."

Roasted, ground, and brewed. It was rather breathtakingly beautiful. I like coffee, much better with no sugar in it. It was dark, bitter, and warm. I thought maybe it was a ritual of the cup, the spoon, the hot water, and the little heap of brown grit, the way they come together to form a nail I can hang the day on. It's something to do between being asleep and being awake. Now I know why people start their day with a morning coffee, how it makes me think about people, memories, and solitude in a form of tempted steam. For them who has no courage, that some feel is left unexpressed. Remain silent and unsaid. 

The way I dove, starved all the fears and tasted all the thoughts I kept coiled beneath my bones. The way that bitterness flows through my dry throat. That's what I used to. 

現在の音楽ジャンル (Current Music Genres)

I was never been into J-Pop and K-Pop all these years, I even underestimated their music because I basically don't understand what they were changchingchong about. Please don't get offended. I was always into western songs like Paramore, Arctic Monkeys, Against The Current, and etcetera (oh and Taylor Swift). Yeah yeah I know, I have been watching animes and I enjoyed their awesome soundtracks (as in SAO, Fullmetal Alchemist, Gintama, Psycho-Pass, Haikyuu!!, Tokyo Ghoul, etc) but I've never paid much attention to them as well as the western one. But hell yeaah, this last few months, I found out that their music is soooo dope!! I don't know whether it was because, in my opinion, western songs don't make any sense these days (and some music videos are considered inappropriate, you know) that somehow it kinda made me cringe for some reason. Or was it because I am currently learning Japanese and Korean? I don't know which one.

Some rookies group really caught my attention like Monsta X(몬스타엑스Trespass!!), Twice, and BTS, even though some old groups are still getting their own place. Their music is so good for dancing (I am so stiff, I can't dance) and their styles are pretty different like... so many colors here and there while the other is so manly themed but still cute idk. Even though I prefer the one in the form of a band, like Day6 (as in their song, "Congratulations", pretty much-caught feelings). Ahhaha omg I sounded like a K-popers. Laughing so hard. oMG WHY.

For J-Pop I am currently got my heart attached with ONE OK ROCK and SPYAIR, the fact that they produced really great music and the music videos are awesome.  And, I mean how could I resist their vocalist and bassist and drummer and guitarist?! I was looking forward to some Youtube videos in Japanese and I discovered both Japanese Rock Bands and clicked their dope MVs. And I was like... "Hey, I thought I've heard this song somewhere.", exactly, animes. The first thing that crossed my mind when I listened to ONE OK ROCK's was "Is it a Japanese band? Hmm.. or is it Sleeping with Sirens? All Time Low? *Japanese lyric showed up* Nah, it is J-pop.", their songs are mostly combined the Eigo and Nihongo perfectly, I could say that the pronunciation is almost perfect (They even reached 54M in "The Beginning" MV!). And it is even crazier that they sound better live than in the recordings. How can I not realized them earlier, duh... I was listening to Rockin' Out and amazed by how the MV was made, and then I jumped to Samurai Heart an OST for Gintama, to Imagination(イマジネーション) which is the OST for Haikyuu, and I jumped to 現状ディストラクション (Genjou Destruction), and the list goes on. Good job Japan, you never failed to amaze me. To be honest...it was so hard for me to decide which MV shall I pick for this post. Their music and videos are just...amazing. So.. here it is my current new addiction.

暇つぶし！

皆さんこんばんは！私です～！（需要じゃない）

上のタイトルのように～暇つぶしがあるので、私は日本語練習しますね。ランダムなものを書きます！　笑

最近に毎日は、私は食べるとき、学校でとき、家でとき、バスでとき、といろいろときは日本語勉強しますよ。毎日です。なぜだい？　私も知りませんね、それはおもしろいですね！それは難しいだけど、よく頭痛を感じます。そして、寄り多くの勉強、私の間違いを知っています。（これも間違って可能性が！）その直後、外国人友達に私が言ったことを覚えています。「なんで？！」とても恥ずかしいです。

ところで、なぜ猫の写真がありますか？「なんだっけ。。。」知らないも。えーと。。。猫が好きだから！あなたは、好きなの？　私は猫の好きなことがふわふわとかわいいです．私は猫を本当に持って痛いですが、両親が反対しています。だから、猫が持っていません。何かペットを持っていたいですけど。私の魚、ウサギ、クロコダイル、ハムスターがもう死んでいました。悲しい～　いろいろペットを持っていたいです。（なぜ私の代わりにペットについて書きました？）

学校？学校がどうですか？学校が。。。いつものように。それをしっていましたね～私はそれについて話す必要はありません。でも、日本大学ヲなりたいです！そのため、頑張ります！！笑

それじゃ～また

Serenity Radiance

Have you ever wondered

About the howling wind
Whistling sound encircles the horizon
Alpha and omega waves
Embrace soothing heats
Weeping thunder in a form of rains
And the metaphors within
And all the above
Are for the beauty of wanderlust


[10.1.2016-2.28am]

Conspiracy Theories

"The fact that some infinite number of parallel universes are exist. That we also have to accept the fact that there is no greater number of infinite number and its relevancy. And the concept of infinity itself is beautiful."

Sometimes I still don't understand the origin of life itself. How some people naturally built their own circles and their circles connected to another circle within their bigger circles. Somehow, it reminds me to the Theory of Parallel Universe, the possibilities and paradoxes that we might live in a multiverse. The complication and its mindblowing scientific facts. That there could be another universe with uncountable groups of galaxy superclusters. The fact that some infinite number of parallel universes are exist. That we also have to accept the fact that there is no greater number of infinite number and its relevancy. And the concept of infinity itself is beautiful on its own.

However, we can't separate it with the existency of Fermi Paradox; the apparent contradiction between high estimates of the probability of the existence of extraterrestrial civilization and humanity's lack of contact with, or evidence for, such civilizations. The possibility that there could be another civilization inside or outside our tiny Milky Way Galaxy. Exactly, and Drake Equation. Or that we should accept, that we are, the human, are the only civilization. The possibility that we might be the alien of our own planet. Smaller than the smallest atomic units. That we live in this entire massive universe itself(despite the fact that there possibly a multiverse), all alone.

Why am I thinking about this. My head. I might get aneurysms.

2015; not as a number

"I see people as a flower garden with a golden pot at the end of the rainbow, they seemed as if they are always happy and full of joy outside; and some other is a wrecked ship who survives through a lot of pain and tears, who screaming out of their lungs in silent for a help without even letting others know that they need one."

Assalamu'alaikum, may peace be upon you!

First thing first, I want to thank everyone who gave so many life experiences and contributed in my "2015" chapter with so many beautiful memories and lessons throughout the year. I also really appreciate everyone who sticks with me until now and understands the good and the bad in me. I am sorry that I've always been annoying and freak almost all the time. All gratitude for Allah, for the endless blessings and beautiful life, family, and friends. Alhamdulillah. I feel so bad that I still am a bad servant, a bad Muslim for everyone. I want to thank everyone who shares their life, cooking recipes(and its pictures! and vanilla's (cat) pictures sleeping all day long!), advises about life or my future education, and also those who helped me in learning new languages like Japanese, French, Russian, and Korean. You guys have inspired me so much, even though probably you don't read this post but I'll still mention it anyway. Good luck with everything and the future. Oh! I also want to thank someone who indirectly helps me learn about Islam even deeper more than I used to know before, you probably don't expect this, and no, I wouldn't be bored by the questions anyway. May Allah makes it easier for you and I hope you will see the light soon. Thanks for those who leave comments and follow this nonsense blog, I really appreciate that! Whoa... it sounds like a Grammy award speech hahaha. I probably also did hurt people by my mean words and sarcasm, I am sorry okay? I said that with a full honesty though Hahaha kidding. No, I mean it.

So many things happened last year and it took me a year to finally understand why some events occurred and somehow I just realize the relations between one to another from a person to another person. And I don't regret any single failures and mistakes that exist, it shaped me for what I am today. It helps me learn to understand different characters and personalities each people have and it will always be. I see people as a flower garden with a golden pot at the end of the rainbow, they seemed as if they are always happy and full of joy outside; and some other is a wrecked ship who survives through a lot of pain and tears, who screaming out of their lungs in silent for a help without even letting others know that they need one. But, even the "flower garden" type always have their wrecked and dark side, while the "wrecked ship" type basically prefers to hide their rainbow and flower garden somewhere deep inside their hearts. And every single one of them is beautiful for the way they are. Society sucks, don't let them tell you otherwise. I believe that everyone ever felt an emptiness at least once, just remember that cherry blossoms await in the future. Anyway, welcome 2016.

A Seacht Déag

"When you're seventeen at early twenties, that's the time you're trying to work out who you are. If you're trying to make some kind of artistic or creative impact, that's the age when you start to figure out how to do that." - Daniel Radcliffe

Well said, Potter Dan! Guess what kind of post I'd be writing each December? Exactly, adding one number to my age and guess what, someone has been recognized to be an official citizen. Say what? "Wow such a nonsense congratulations!". Thank you. Oh finally, my precious identity and driving license cards. My precious piece of paper. Then what's with that happy girl in winter picture and Dan's quote and you being seventeen years old anyway? Because hella dude it's frickin' SEVENTEEN! One more than sixteen, or seven more than ten. Err. No, no sweet seventeen please, I ain't sweet. I am seventeen. The good things about seventeen is that you’re not sixteen. Sixteen goes with the word sweet, and I am so far from sweet. Life at best is bittersweet. /Whip my hijab back and forth/

Seventeen, only comes once in a lifetime

Don't it just fly by wild and free

Goin' anyway the wind blew baby

Seventeen, livin' on crazy dreams

Rock and Roll and faded blue jeans

And standin' on the edge of everythin'

Seventeen

Tim McGraw

I am not as concerned about me either. Neither do I realize. But thinking about happiness, I came up with the word "smallpox"; if you catch it too soon, it can completely ruin your constitution. Such a nice choice of words. You are very welcome. Actually, my family and relatives had very low expectations of me, about me dreaming such dreams, and they really had a point. I am such a big problem at seventeen and throughout my whole life. Or even if I had a kid like me, I would have those same expectations.

"But you don't know this…seventeen never knows it. At seventeen dreams do satisfy because you think the realities are waiting for you further on. Now, Anne, don't look as if you were trying to understand. Seventeen can't understand." -L.M Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

Thank you Madame Montgomery, my all time favorite author, to remind me that a seventeen years old would never understand. Well I hope I will be more critical and realistic to such issues. By the way, thanks a bunch for the wishes and gifts. And a special greeting for my five obnoxious friends whom I thought had forgotten about my birthday and all of sudden gave me such a shock by appearing in my room with birthday cake, gray balloons, and my gold paper you cut without my permission. Who posted my very embarrassing picture wearing mukena in school group. I hate you, because love is such a strong word.

Ew.