[Day 1] The Difference Between My Personal and Internet Self

Honestly, I've never thought about it; the difference between my personal and internet self? Wouldn't it be just the same? I am the same person to the person I am on the internet, am I? Thinking that I might be wrong for these thoughts in the first place, I realized that our personal and internet self is likely to have huge differences. Yes, it does.

For this post, I decided to take the famous psychology personality test by Carl Jung and Briggs Myers today, again (Click this link if you want to know yours!). The result is I am an INFJ. The INFJs are sometimes mistaken as an extrovert because we appeared so outgoing and enjoying the accompany of other people. But honestly, it's just the opposite, we are true introverts and rather to spend our time alone. I do. Tranquility and solitude enthusiasts. You know, we are daydreamers.

I honestly, like super honest, I love being alone and I hate being around people and crowds, although I am noisy and speaks a lot. I don't know, I am not quite sure about that too...maybe I am an extrovert? It is also stated that "Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills." wHOA. I don't know but this is so true. I basically...I hardly say things verbally but I am feeling like I am quite good or better if I write it down, compose words between spaces for numerous times on a daily basis. I was always interested in-depth, everything with such deep meanings, whatever it is. I love linguistics and various kind of knowledge, maybe that's why I love languages. Languages are like super aesthetic and attractive. Don't you think so?

To distinguish my personal and internet self...I honestly don't know how should I write about it, I, myself, it's hard to distinguish them. But maybe like I said, maybe, sometimes people misunderstood me for being an extrovert. Or I don't know. Some people also didn't understand my personal deeply held principles. And you know things like...how we treat some things differently or my views toward particular things like religion, knowledge, society, commitment, love, education, and life itself.

Everyone is free to choose and determine their life principles, so why bother forcing other people to use your principles? I mean, just deal with it. And things like, idk, I also use the sarcasm language a lot too. I am not cool and not smart-headed, but I like learning and enjoy its process. I perhaps seemed like good at languages, but tbh I am not fluent, I am just currently working on it. They said, "Fake it 'till you become it.", so I fake it and perhaps I'll become it. That's my way for self-improvement. I sometimes being insecure about how people might have been disappointed by me, because I am not the person they expected me to be, and things like that. I also really envy those people in such young ages like in their early 11-17s, or way younger than that, they already invented remarkable and amazing inventions. The young researchers. Also, the young hafiz-hafizah (people who memorized the Qur'an), Masha Allah. And I thought, what have I gained during my 17 years on earth? Why am I wasting my precious time?! etc. I get insecure all the time. We are all the same, and I think most people already experienced it too, so did the elders and etc.

Whatever we are in both real and internet self, just go through it. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase. It's just a phase, a metaphor.

30-Day Blogging Challenge!

Recently I just deleted some of the social media one by one, you might realize that there is only my e-mail on contact section, I am no longer using Twitter and Facebook after the moment I realized something-um...you know about, when you upload something on the internet...it stays there forever (I don't know how to say about it but the thoughts of it creeped me out lol), even though I am still using Instagram. I want to get rid of social media slowly and living my life completely, despite the fact that I will always keep e-mail and blog! Well, that's simply because I love writing and stuff. I've always wanted to do a 30-day-challenge-whatsoever since ages but keeping up a challenge for 30 days straight is not an easy thing to do, that's the main reason why it was always delayed. I did the questions challenges a few times, but a 30-days challenge...I've never given it a try. Only hearing its title makes me sweating already.

But, since I spend my time again on blogging earlier (oh I forgot to tell you that it's a week holiday, short-term indeed), I think it would be great if I do something different or challenging... so I thought why don't I give it a go and see if I can make it? So here I am! I am gonna do the 30-day blogging challenge!! It means I am going to post any post related to the topic above on a daily basis in 30 days straight. Yay! I'll try as hard as I can to post anything every. single. day. in. 30. days. straight. God! It sounds tiring. But I am pretty sure it is worth the try!! Basically, the 30-day blogging challenge list above is a compilation of the challenges I found on the internet and you're likely to find similar things, I just edited some parts. As the [Day 1] post comes up, it means the challenge has just started. Anyway.. anyone can join this challenge so if you're interested in doing this 30-day challenge, please let me know and comment below!

Have a good day, xx

「空と桜のために。。」

 

これは空のために、そして雲は上記ぶら下がっ
ほとんど毎日。。雨降って地固まる
すべては綺麗と思います
人生は本当に大変だよね
私は考えていた、あなたがそれを思いますか？

私はあなたを知ってだけ、もう幸せよ
あなたは私にたくさんのことを教えてくれました
あなたのおかげで、私の認識を変えました
綺麗の人生でしょう

私たちは同じ空を見てでしょう
でも。。知っているか
もしも、また会えるなら
聞くきたいことがたくさなる
つたえこともいっぱいある

きっといつかは消えてしまうの？
何とか。。もんだから分かってたのに
あなたがいた場合でも、忘れないで私の名だけは
ただそれだけなのに。。。

あ～なかない
心配しないでください
私は幸せでいることを見ることができませんか？
あなたは常にそのような？ばか

人々が「いつかすべての夢がかなえるよ」と言いました
いつか一緒に桜を見に行こう、それはどう？
君はあくまでも約束を守らなければならない
幸せでいてくださいね～


*p.s:
ーListening to this mesmerizing soundtrack of SAO while writing what-so-called-a-nonsense-above is enough to transport me to another side of the world. Don't you think it is somewhat...magical and relaxing? Somehow..it reminds me to Harvest Moon too. Farming life, trees, wind blows, calm, and tranquility. I like how it feels like something daringly quiet. Can you feel it too?
ー私の悪い日本語だから、それに何て言えばいいのか分からない。ごめんなさい！Ｔ＿Ｔ

"Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

If you realize where the quote above was originated, you're my buddy already. Correct. That's a quote from Interstellar movie. No, I am not going to do a movie review although I never did (never been good on writing reviews), all I did was ended up writing about what my mind could perceive for uncertain purposes and regardless nonsense. So, amigo, now that's nonsense. I perpetually saying that sometimes I don't even know what I am saying so you don't have to take it seriously. Now I am serious. Wholeheartedly if I may say. If you don't know how much do I love astronomy and astrophysics as gigantic (how am I supposed to say that) as the time could bend, or not yet. However, I really do have to tell you straightly that I am stupid at physics and exact sciences. But just so you know, everything I write here has begun through deep research and considerable fundamental reasons I was able to take. Just don't rely too much on upon. do people even bother to read?

I have this kind of, you know, puzzling thoughts swirling in my mind about astronomy and its supermassive knowledge back then when I was in primary school, but I am glad enough that I, finally, gradually discover new things or at least some questions I have been questioned myself for like ten years ago because I had no one to talk to about it. People would have considered me as a big head who thinks about nonsense things and I'd ended up getting such lines as "It's not our task to think about it." or worse as "stop thinking like you're able to solve things as that". But thanks anyway, now I know why being-mocked-at can be this advantageous for its victims. I mean I was like, dude what was your intention for saying it wasn't our business, like how do you even survive in this world if there is no scientists investigate it or how would you live without knowledge. At least if you don't think you're able to do it or realize it isn't your field. Just stop complaining.

Actually, that wasn't the point.

"We've always defined ourselves by the ability to overcome the impossible. And we count these moments. These moments when we dare to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to make the unknown known. We count these moments as our proudest achievements. But we lost all that. Or perhaps we've just forgotten that we are still pioneers. And we've barely begun. And that our greatest accomplishments cannot be behind us, because our destiny lies above us." -Cooper

Astronomy has taken me away to such different perspectives, nope I wasn't taken for such time and dimensional travel. Nope, dude. Even though it sounds amazing I am spinning out of nothingness and scattering stars!! Astronomy will always become one of the reasons why I look upon Islam differently now. You might be saying, there's no relation between this and that or it's just a coincidence and a bunch of blah blah, but I had to justify that it wasn't a coincidence and there lies guidance. It really does embrace the horizon. Wasn't the horizon you'd find in black holes though. We'd talk about it soon since it has huge relation with the line I quoted. And by that soon I mean a real soon like soon but not today (I forgot what I want to write isn't it annoying). Well, let's just talk about the poem first. The quote was derived from a poem by Dylan Thomas (1914-1953), let's take a moment to appreciate. The poem's meaning is life-affirming. It urges us to live life to the fullest and to never surrender. For me, it is one of the most powerful poems ever written, that we should not give up and surrender. That somehow we have to discover what makes us happy the most, to pursue any endeavour we chose.  Finding a purpose, whether it be to live each day to the fullest or to be the best person possible or creating something that makes our life more joyful and meaningful. 

“I don’t know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars, and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.” - Dalai Lama

走りつづけるだけさ!

明日もし、上手くいかなくったって
立ち止まらない
欲しいのは　次のマイセルフ
誰かにもし、これ以上は無駄って
ライン引かれたって
ノーサンキュー！！　越えていくから

Even if things don’t go well tomorrow,

I won’t ever stand still;

What I desire is my next “self”!

If someone were to draw the line,

Saying that it’s impossible to go any further,

I’d say, “No, thank you!!” ’cause I’m gonna go beyond!

「SPYAIR アイム・ア・ビリーバー」

あの。。今は午前中に2時10分です。数時間で、中間試験があります。私は物理学からの脱出しています。もう知りませんね、難しい。たいへんですね　T＿T 私は誇張しているだけ。そのことわないですよね。私はむしろ週間の言語の束を勉強したいと思うだろう。まあ、私はそれを強調しておりません。私の心は何かを考えています、到達しにくいもの。「なにが楽しいんだ？」と人は言うけれど。それは俺にもわからない。走りつづけるだけさ。とにかく、この歌は私を幸せにします。それはだから...私の夢に私を思い出させます。がんばりましょう！

You know what. It is 2.10 am in the morning and there will be mid-term exam just in a few hours. I am kind of...escaping from Physics because I can no longer take the equations anymore. I was exaggerating, I am just not into it. I'd rather studying bunch of languages for weeks. Well, I am not really stressing about it, but my mind is running off somewhere to a dream that is kinda hard to reach. People keep asking me "What's so fun about it?" I don't really understand about it too... But I think I'll just keep on running. Anyway, this song makes me happy, because it reminds me to my dreams. Let's do our best! 

Don't let life randomly kick you into the adult you don't want to become~^^

Acrostic Constellations

I often found myself gazing at Orion constellation, 

mumbled "There he is, the great hunter," 

you must be trustworthy, holds the story of million years

And I will follow my finger 

traced the big bear in the northern hemisphere, 

"Don't you miss your minor, Sir Ursa Major?"

Or if I am lucky enough, 

I can see our little barred spiral Milky Way galaxy among other galaxies, 

hundred light-years across

Ah, what about the shooting star? 

I know... it is just a glimpse of stardust, 

one miles away across my dirty lenses

And at times our eyes whirred comet-like 

Tracing its way to the wise constellations, 

like the entire atmosphere of Venus blows across the face of the planet in 4 days

I am afraid that I have loved the stars too fondly

To be fearful of the night

That it can leads to a self-destruct

Maybe John Green was right,

No one could ever fathom their thoughts into constellations

For Jupiter has promised Saturn

I wish I was as beautiful as my middle name, Aurora

much like an aurora borealis geomagnetic storm

I thought it was daringly magical, a touch of beautiful smitten

Though I am not

[23.2.2016-00.09 p.m]

**author's note

idk whether i can call it a poem or not,

i will never stop amazed by the beauty of the entire universe,

and my words will never be enough to describe nor express my endless amazement. 
mashaAllah. i am grateful...

I met Kamen Rider OOO and Attack on Titan Cast!! / 仮面ライダーオーズと新劇の巨人を会いました！！

「２０１６年２月９日」

２月９日に私は渡部秀（わたなべしゅう）を会いました！　「ちょっと。。。Febby、彼は誰ですか？」どこからともなく誰かが言いました。へえ！彼を知りませんか？　じゃ～リプレイしましょう！

私は。。。仮面ライダーオーズを会いました！「うーわ！！　あの。。誰ですか？」勝手にしろ！「何がこの女の子とは...」私はあなたが聞こえるよ。じゃ！渡部秀は仮面ライダーオーズと新劇の巨人の俳優です。仮面ライダーオーズの英語中で、彼は火野 映司（ひのえいじ）です。変身！その間、新劇の巨人の映画中ではフクシです！かっこいいね~ 本当ですか？本当に！！昨日は彼を会いました～！本当に本当に本当に！夢を見ていないですよ！笑　「やめる！」

  

I met Watanabe Shu on February 9th!! "Umm..Febby, who is he?" said somebody out of nowhere. Heee! You don't know him?? Well, let me replay~

I...met Kamen Rider OOO! "uwaaa~! um.. who's that?" Go away! "Geez..what is with this girl." I can hear you tho. Well! Watanabe Shu is an actor in Kamen Rider OOO and Attack on Titan (Shingeki no Kyojin) movies. He was Hino Eiji in Kamen Rider OOO! Henshin!!(re: transformation) Meanwhile, in Attack on Titan he was playing as Fukushi who was a new recruit for the Survey Corps. Cooooollll ain't it? I met him yesterday, for real. Really really really!!  It wasn't a dreaaaaam ! Stop it.

Some characters didn't appear in the Live Action

Watanabe Shu as Fukushi in AOT Live Action

Takeda Rina and Watanabe Shu

私は彼に日本語を話しました。でも、私の日本語はまだ悪いので、それはとても恥ずかしい事だった！私は映画についての彼に自分の感想を話しました。その後、彼は　「楽しかった？」と言いました。ああ！私も彼に水原 希子大ファンだということを言いました。しかし、私の愛はレヴィアッカーマンのためにまだ大きいです！私はあまりにも彼に言っている必要があります！(ライブアクションにはレヴィ・アッカーマンはありません. きらいだから！T_T) 彼のディンプルがとてもかわいいです。とてもかっこよかった。私たちが話していたとき、私のお母さんは写真をとりました。びっくりしました！写真はよく見ますね～私は後悔しています。

 We spoke Japanese yesterday, but it was so embarrassing because my Japanese is still so bad. Like, so bad. Trust me. I perhaps sounded like a squeaky squirrel. I told him about my feelings towards the movie and then he asked me whether it was fun or nah. And I forgot the other conversations because I was too nervous. Oh! I also told him that I am a big fan of Mizuhara Kiko. But my love for Levi Ackerman is waaaaay bigger than that. I should've told him that too! (Too bad that there is no Levi Ackerman in the live-action. Haaaaayt it.) His dimples are so cute!! I can't help it like really..he was kakkoii~ Cooler in person. I was so surprised too because my mom took pictures of us while we were talking. And it turned out good! 

LEVIIIIIIII!!! *nosebleed*

NOTICE ME SENPAI!!!!!!!

次の日、私は彼と一緒にボロブドゥール寺院に行く必要がありますが、学校がありました！悲しいЩ(º̩̩́Дº̩̩̀щ)　しかし、彼は私のお母さんに署名をくれました。本当にありがとうございます！私たちは、変身ポーズでし持っている必要があります！またすぐにお会いできたらうれしいよ！その時によって、私の日本語が改善されました！笑　

The next day, I should go to Borobudur Temple with them but there was school so..you know what happens next. But, he then gave a signature for me to my mom! I didn't expect it. Thank you soooo much!! I regret..we should have done the henshin pose! T_T

I am so glad to meet you, and I hope we can meet again someday (in Japan)!! And I hope by that time, my Japanese has improved!! kkkk

Black Coffee

"The way I dove, starved all the fears and tasted all the thoughts I kept coiled beneath my bones. The way that bitterness flows through my dry throat. That's what I used to."

The door swung open as I walked in leading my tired feet to a vintage-looking coffee shop. I always come here every Sunday, at least twice a month. The waitress knew I'd come here and they will always have prepared a cup of green tea latte on their table with my name already written on it. I asked them why and they told me so that they can give it as soon as I come.

"Green tea latte, as always. Right, Miss?"

"I would like black coffee today. No sugar."

Her eyes grew bigger, trying to confirm what I just said. "No sugar, Miss? You've always had green tea latte." She let out a chuckled. I smiled and nodded yes. "Okay then. Size?"

"Tall venti in a grande cup. Please."

I've never had coffee in 17 years. I never liked the taste of coffee, I've never used to it. It is too strong and bitter for my tongue. I've always ordered a green tea latte with a cup of sugar, it was much much too sweet than bitter. It tasted more like a honeydew melon or something, but it was actually a green tea after a few sips. I don't know why do I am feeling like to have a black coffee, I am feeling like today is different and I should have something different.

"Black coffee, no sugar?" She looked unsure and frowned her thick eyebrows, feeling as worried as I may see. I arched a smile trying to look as obvious as I could until she felt assured enough and put it on my table along with a book I just bought and left. I gulped and eyed my first cup of coffee warily, a black coffee with no sugar to be precise. The fear-filled my empty stomach and it fills me with a very hesitant feeling. I checked the clock, 12:17, I was waiting for the small needle reach the twelve as I put my earphones on, lifted the cup. Weary with the burden of long-closed eyes, I took a sip with my eyes closed. And slumber. Exhaustion.

"....내 절망관 상관없이. 
무심하게도 아침은 날 깨우네...."

Roasted, ground, and brewed. It was rather breathtakingly beautiful. I like coffee, much better with no sugar in it. It was dark, bitter, and warm. I thought maybe it was a ritual of the cup, the spoon, the hot water, and the little heap of brown grit, the way they come together to form a nail I can hang the day on. It's something to do between being asleep and being awake. Now I know why people start their day with a morning coffee, how it makes me think about people, memories, and solitude in a form of tempted steam. For them who has no courage, that some feel is left unexpressed. Remain silent and unsaid. 

The way I dove, starved all the fears and tasted all the thoughts I kept coiled beneath my bones. The way that bitterness flows through my dry throat. That's what I used to. 

現在の音楽ジャンル (Current Music Genres)

I was never been into J-Pop and K-Pop all these years, I even underestimated their music because I basically don't understand what they were changchingchong about. Please don't get offended. I was always into western songs like Paramore, Arctic Monkeys, Against The Current, and etcetera (oh and Taylor Swift). Yeah yeah I know, I have been watching animes and I enjoyed their awesome soundtracks (as in SAO, Fullmetal Alchemist, Gintama, Psycho-Pass, Haikyuu!!, Tokyo Ghoul, etc) but I've never paid much attention to them as well as the western one. But hell yeaah, this last few months, I found out that their music is soooo dope!! I don't know whether it was because, in my opinion, western songs don't make any sense these days (and some music videos are considered inappropriate, you know) that somehow it kinda made me cringe for some reason. Or was it because I am currently learning Japanese and Korean? I don't know which one.

Some rookies group really caught my attention like Monsta X(몬스타엑스Trespass!!), Twice, and BTS, even though some old groups are still getting their own place. Their music is so good for dancing (I am so stiff, I can't dance) and their styles are pretty different like... so many colors here and there while the other is so manly themed but still cute idk. Even though I prefer the one in the form of a band, like Day6 (as in their song, "Congratulations", pretty much-caught feelings). Ahhaha omg I sounded like a K-popers. Laughing so hard. oMG WHY.

For J-Pop I am currently got my heart attached with ONE OK ROCK and SPYAIR, the fact that they produced really great music and the music videos are awesome.  And, I mean how could I resist their vocalist and bassist and drummer and guitarist?! I was looking forward to some Youtube videos in Japanese and I discovered both Japanese Rock Bands and clicked their dope MVs. And I was like... "Hey, I thought I've heard this song somewhere.", exactly, animes. The first thing that crossed my mind when I listened to ONE OK ROCK's was "Is it a Japanese band? Hmm.. or is it Sleeping with Sirens? All Time Low? *Japanese lyric showed up* Nah, it is J-pop.", their songs are mostly combined the Eigo and Nihongo perfectly, I could say that the pronunciation is almost perfect (They even reached 54M in "The Beginning" MV!). And it is even crazier that they sound better live than in the recordings. How can I not realized them earlier, duh... I was listening to Rockin' Out and amazed by how the MV was made, and then I jumped to Samurai Heart an OST for Gintama, to Imagination(イマジネーション) which is the OST for Haikyuu, and I jumped to 現状ディストラクション (Genjou Destruction), and the list goes on. Good job Japan, you never failed to amaze me. To be honest...it was so hard for me to decide which MV shall I pick for this post. Their music and videos are just...amazing. So.. here it is my current new addiction.

暇つぶし！

皆さんこんばんは！私です～！（需要じゃない）

上のタイトルのように～暇つぶしがあるので、私は日本語練習しますね。ランダムなものを書きます！　笑

最近に毎日は、私は食べるとき、学校でとき、家でとき、バスでとき、といろいろときは日本語勉強しますよ。毎日です。なぜだい？　私も知りませんね、それはおもしろいですね！それは難しいだけど、よく頭痛を感じます。そして、寄り多くの勉強、私の間違いを知っています。（これも間違って可能性が！）その直後、外国人友達に私が言ったことを覚えています。「なんで？！」とても恥ずかしいです。

ところで、なぜ猫の写真がありますか？「なんだっけ。。。」知らないも。えーと。。。猫が好きだから！あなたは、好きなの？　私は猫の好きなことがふわふわとかわいいです．私は猫を本当に持って痛いですが、両親が反対しています。だから、猫が持っていません。何かペットを持っていたいですけど。私の魚、ウサギ、クロコダイル、ハムスターがもう死んでいました。悲しい～　いろいろペットを持っていたいです。（なぜ私の代わりにペットについて書きました？）

学校？学校がどうですか？学校が。。。いつものように。それをしっていましたね～私はそれについて話す必要はありません。でも、日本大学ヲなりたいです！そのため、頑張ります！！笑

それじゃ～また