Perhaps

It was nothing like sunbeam,

or a thick forest green

Not even a deep crystal clear blue,

in those sparks still glow

It was a pure and innocent all analyst couldn't care less

One thing I know that I was lost

Ought to be carried off by uncertain

Letting it in and being unaware of consequences

Lost in a world of a beautiful scene

Maybe I write too much outlandish poems

or read too many books

Where I find pleasure in string words

Spending hours pairing rhymes

To embrace my fictional world

into sentences that I don't even understand

But one thing that I know too well

In between transparent wave they've told me

That the seas and the forests envied you

For the world reflected inside yours

is not the world we used to know

Nobody ever bothered to tell you

They are hickory against deep mud oak

And when it meets sunlight they beam

Two perfect orbs the same shade as nature after it rains

burning with the light of a thousand suns

Bewitched in between my souls

Persuaded in matrimony,

beholding as I was going away

Don't think it was too much, it was just a metaphor

Just a little to believe in realism, soon be drenched away

What do I know of bone-deep lonely, 

of the beautiful freeze, 

of a running circuit through the stars 

until all landmarks are my own staring eyes

Or maybe I am scientist, 

staring deep through a telescope

Convex lens collects light and focuses it

into a distant galaxy 

that has not had the chance, 

to be named

And perhaps you should know,
in between uncertain lines somehow I wished
that I still do

[17.8.2016]

Thoughts on Pride & Prejudice: why is it needed to blame Mr. Darcy's manner

Things shall not perish in a period of time unless we know the reason why. If I ever had a chance to sue anyone in this world, either fictional or real, I thought it would be a pleasure for me to sue our daringly charming Mr. Darcy from Pemberley. For he is responsible for my outlast decision and consideration in high expectations towards men, ever in the universe. Mr. Darcy is a perfect portrait of an ideal man any women would die for, well at least for those who understand this, or just me. Whatever. Unlike the others, he tends to stick in his own mind and personal principles rather than usual men we found in everyday life. Recently. Though.

“I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding— certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.” 

I am falling in love with the words classic authors had invented, something that I would never find in modern books nowadays. I have always been admiring Jane Austen, as she is one of my favorite classic author along with L.M Montgomery and Hans Christian, for their books and beautiful poetic lines. Not until I had finished the series of beautiful unspoken love for the sake of pride and out willingly to sense each other's attraction in demeanor manner. It was rather difficult to choose something in between keeping the pride or losing it for awhile and left the guilt for years. Sometimes we even caught up in such moment where our prejudice is worth even more than anything we could ever ask. Not even in people's perception, whom I supposed to know nothing but daresay to speak up their unresponsible opinion, or perhaps... nonsense. Unfortunately to say that there is least people who are concerning in this issue. But rather the feeling of astonishing young ladies' deliberated minds in Georgian era still fascinated me the most. Very well-mannered in every aspects. 

I was watching Pride and Prejudice and I came across into a reasoning in which made my head spinning around. Terribly. Well, probably because of my obsession towards Mr. Darcy for his intelligence and gentlemanlike manner. As sophisticated as he is. What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant? As a brother, a landlord, a master, she considered how many people's happiness were in his guardianship!—how much of pleasure or pain was it in his power to bestow!—how much of good or evil must be done by him! Every idea that had been brought forward by the housekeeper was favourable to his character. Lucky Lizzie.

For he is, all anyone ever wants. Cold-headed, stubborn, efficient, and calm in crisis. In intellectual competence, in addition to other varying degrees of competence (wealth, humour, beauty, etc), and thus declares his love for you in an incredibly awkward manner. He doesn’t know how to express himself, and that’s endearing. And of course, lovely accent. Ardently. Doesn't he?

Or, again, it was just me who feel that way?

미안해

それを言うべきじゃなかった
何かを言ったことに分からないから
それを言った、私が尋ねた

ごめんなさい
私のせいです
尋ねるために残念だった

泣かないでください
あきらめないでください
私と話する、ありがとう

「空と桜のために。。」

 

これは空のために、そして雲は上記ぶら下がっ
ほとんど毎日。。雨降って地固まる
すべては綺麗と思います
人生は本当に大変だよね
私は考えていた、あなたがそれを思いますか？

私はあなたを知ってだけ、もう幸せよ
あなたは私にたくさんのことを教えてくれました
あなたのおかげで、私の認識を変えました
綺麗の人生でしょう

私たちは同じ空を見てでしょう
でも。。知っているか
もしも、また会えるなら
聞くきたいことがたくさなる
つたえこともいっぱいある

きっといつかは消えてしまうの？
何とか。。もんだから分かってたのに
あなたがいた場合でも、忘れないで私の名だけは
ただそれだけなのに。。。

あ～なかない
心配しないでください
私は幸せでいることを見ることができませんか？
あなたは常にそのような？ばか

人々が「いつかすべての夢がかなえるよ」と言いました
いつか一緒に桜を見に行こう、それはどう？
君はあくまでも約束を守らなければならない
幸せでいてくださいね～


*p.s:
ーListening to this mesmerizing soundtrack of SAO while writing what-so-called-a-nonsense-above is enough to transport me to another side of the world. Don't you think it is somewhat...magical and relaxing? Somehow..it reminds me to Harvest Moon too. Farming life, trees, wind blows, calm, and tranquility. I like how it feels like something daringly quiet. Can you feel it too?
ー私の悪い日本語だから、それに何て言えばいいのか分からない。ごめんなさい！Ｔ＿Ｔ

Acrostic Constellations

I often found myself gazing at Orion constellation, 

mumbled "There he is, the great hunter," 

you must be trustworthy, holds the story of million years

And I will follow my finger 

traced the big bear in the northern hemisphere, 

"Don't you miss your minor, Sir Ursa Major?"

Or if I am lucky enough, 

I can see our little barred spiral Milky Way galaxy among other galaxies, 

hundred light-years across

Ah, what about the shooting star? 

I know... it is just a glimpse of stardust, 

one miles away across my dirty lenses

And at times our eyes whirred comet-like 

Tracing its way to the wise constellations, 

like the entire atmosphere of Venus blows across the face of the planet in 4 days

I am afraid that I have loved the stars too fondly

To be fearful of the night

That it can leads to a self-destruct

Maybe John Green was right,

No one could ever fathom their thoughts into constellations

For Jupiter has promised Saturn

I wish I was as beautiful as my middle name, Aurora

much like an aurora borealis geomagnetic storm

I thought it was daringly magical, a touch of beautiful smitten

Though I am not

[23.2.2016-00.09 p.m]

**author's note

idk whether i can call it a poem or not,

i will never stop amazed by the beauty of the entire universe,

and my words will never be enough to describe nor express my endless amazement. 
mashaAllah. i am grateful...

Black Coffee

"The way I dove, starved all the fears and tasted all the thoughts I kept coiled beneath my bones. The way that bitterness flows through my dry throat. That's what I used to."

The door swung open as I walked in leading my tired feet to a vintage-looking coffee shop. I always come here every Sunday, at least twice a month. The waitress knew I'd come here and they will always have prepared a cup of green tea latte on their table with my name already written on it. I asked them why and they told me so that they can give it as soon as I come.

"Green tea latte, as always. Right, Miss?"

"I would like black coffee today. No sugar."

Her eyes grew bigger, trying to confirm what I just said. "No sugar, Miss? You've always had green tea latte." She let out a chuckled. I smiled and nodded yes. "Okay then. Size?"

"Tall venti in a grande cup. Please."

I've never had coffee in 17 years. I never liked the taste of coffee, I've never used to it. It is too strong and bitter for my tongue. I've always ordered a green tea latte with a cup of sugar, it was much much too sweet than bitter. It tasted more like a honeydew melon or something, but it was actually a green tea after a few sips. I don't know why do I am feeling like to have a black coffee, I am feeling like today is different and I should have something different.

"Black coffee, no sugar?" She looked unsure and frowned her thick eyebrows, feeling as worried as I may see. I arched a smile trying to look as obvious as I could until she felt assured enough and put it on my table along with a book I just bought and left. I gulped and eyed my first cup of coffee warily, a black coffee with no sugar to be precise. The fear-filled my empty stomach and it fills me with a very hesitant feeling. I checked the clock, 12:17, I was waiting for the small needle reach the twelve as I put my earphones on, lifted the cup. Weary with the burden of long-closed eyes, I took a sip with my eyes closed. And slumber. Exhaustion.

"....내 절망관 상관없이. 
무심하게도 아침은 날 깨우네...."

Roasted, ground, and brewed. It was rather breathtakingly beautiful. I like coffee, much better with no sugar in it. It was dark, bitter, and warm. I thought maybe it was a ritual of the cup, the spoon, the hot water, and the little heap of brown grit, the way they come together to form a nail I can hang the day on. It's something to do between being asleep and being awake. Now I know why people start their day with a morning coffee, how it makes me think about people, memories, and solitude in a form of tempted steam. For them who has no courage, that some feel is left unexpressed. Remain silent and unsaid. 

The way I dove, starved all the fears and tasted all the thoughts I kept coiled beneath my bones. The way that bitterness flows through my dry throat. That's what I used to. 

Serenity Radiance

Have you ever wondered

About the howling wind
Whistling sound encircles the horizon
Alpha and omega waves
Embrace soothing heats
Weeping thunder in a form of rains
And the metaphors within
And all the above
Are for the beauty of wanderlust


[10.1.2016-2.28am]